


The A-Ω Thing

by KrystalM



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alpha Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Confused Merlin, Destiny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Engaged Arthur, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kindergarten Teacher Merlin, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Omega Merlin (Merlin), Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Percival/Gwaine (side), Protective Arthur, Rejection, Romance, True Mates, Unrequited Love, confused arthur, fated pair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-10-17 16:26:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 49,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17563964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrystalM/pseuds/KrystalM
Summary: Merlin never believed in the whole nonsense of a True Pair, especially when his own life has never been roses and fairytales. While his best friend, Gwaine, believes in such childish things, Merlin always believed that he has full control of his destiny and fate.That's until he meets his True Pair Alpha.His life turns upside down when he finds himself unable to ignore his instincts and feelings for the blond Alpha, who wants little to do with him as possible and is already engaged to a Beta he loves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: Welllllllll. Well. I. Don't know. Don't ask me why I wanted to dabble in this universe but here I am. I. just. I don't know, man. Haha. I've always wanted to try writing in this world but I could never find the courage to do so. 
> 
> I took creative liberties, as always. I already wrote the entire story arc and wrote about 3 chapters out of this. So, expect fast updates! I'm also thinking this story might have a compliment story with it, depending on how the story flows when I write the rest of the chapters down. For now, it has six chapters and it's a fast-paced story. 
> 
> A really fast-paced story hahaha I just wanted to write something that didn't have 20+ chapters of slow burn, which is usually my jam. 
> 
> Anyways, this is my first attempt at this universe. Very nervous for it, pretty sure I did an abysmal job but I still wanted to try. You should see the tags and if none appeals to you, then please, feel free to skip on this one haha To those who wants to see where this goes with me, hope you guys enjoy it! Until the next chapter! 
> 
> Krystal

True pairings, surely those were nothing but a myth, a fairytale, something that was dreamt by all Omegas and Alphas alike. A story that was told to children. 

Nothing worth to mule over, really, because they weren’t a real thing. 

Nobody’s fate was determined by biology or the pull of your soul to another person. There was no such thing as a piece of you in this world, waiting for you to make your way to it so you could feel completed. 

Merlin thought he felt completed without any Alpha, Beta or dare he say, Omega in his life. 

He didn’t need anyone in his life to dictate how he should feel and act. He was happy with himself, _by himself._

Ironically, those weren’t the things he relayed to the newer generations as he sat in front of multiple pairs of eyes, circling around him in a semi-circle, holding their toys and teddy bears, staring at him. He smiled, raising a book in front of his chest, watching as each and every child drop their gaze to it. 

He watched as their faces lit up in anticipation, awe and excitement.

It made his heart flutter, warmth washing into every inch of his body at the look of his kids. 

Merlin took in a deep breath and turned the book to read the title, opening to the first page. He opened his mouth and began to read, letting his voice and words float into the air, talking of a story about love and adventure, feeding lies of romance but nevertheless a hope to dream into the minds of these children. 

Just because he was a bitter Omega who didn’t believe there was some knight in shining armour waiting for him with a white horse, it didn’t mean his children didn’t have the right to want that. 

Because everyone’s life was different and he hoped that with these small seeds of hope he sowed into their minds, they would be able to fight for a life of happiness and love.

Nothing like his life where he couldn’t trust anyone, not another Alpha, and had his hopes and the need to be taken care of dashed into pieces because of ugly people out there. 

When the children went home at the end of the day to their respective parents, Merlin ignored the aching, empty feeling in his chest that threatened to take over his mind. Looking at his bare left hand ring finger, he wondered if that day would ever come. 

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he snapped himself out of it. 

“You’re doing just fine being alone,” Merlin whispered to himself. 

Because he was safe, happy all by himself. 

And sure, just like every other Omega out there, he wanted a family, a loving partner, the whole white-picket fence, two kids and a dog but, he wouldn’t be able to have that.

Not since he was fourteen years old. 

He curled his fingers into fists and shook his head. 

A knock on his classroom door caught his attention. 

He turned his head, smiling when he realised it was his best friend, Gwaine. The brunet leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms against his chest as a charming grin crossed his lips. Merlin waved as he grabbed his stuff, tossing them into his bag before he walked to where his friend was, waiting for him.

Making sure the room was closed shut behind him and pocketing the key in his trousers’ pockets, he looked at Gwaine. 

“It’s rare for you to come pick me up,” he said to the Beta. 

Gwaine snorted under his breath, grabbing the edges of his leather jacket and tugged it close to his chest. “Can’t I see my mate once in a while without any alcohol involved?”

Merlin shrugged, glancing at him. “You have to admit, it’s not everyday you come looking for me immediately after work.”

Gwaine hummed, nodding. “Just wanted to see you.” He looked at Merlin with a grin. “No other reason than that.”

The kindergarten teacher decided to not press the issue any harder. He knew that that wasn’t the full truth. He could count on one hand at how many times Gwaine had come by to look for Merlin after work or even during breaks. He was amused that the security guards still allowed Gwaine to come in whenever he wanted, perhaps used to the Beta after Merlin had been working here for the past eight years. 

He followed Gwaine out of the gates of the kindergarten compound, waving at the guards who smiled at them both. The taller brunet waved at the security guards as he fished out his keys from his pockets, dangling them between his fingers at Merlin. 

Dread pooled at the pit of his stomach as he looked at them, eyeing the keys. “ _No_.”

“Come on, Merlin,” Gwaine said. “I ride fine.”

“That contraption is going to be your death sentence one day, Gwaine,” Merlin said, standing in front of said contraption. 

Merlin hated the bike with passion. Not a fan of any vehicle that didn’t have four wheels and an airbag, he stared at it with apprehension. He calculated in his head how fast he could get away with running if he left now, knowing that Gwaine will come after him. 

A hand touched his shoulder, causing him to look at the Beta with his eyebrows raised. 

Gwaine sighed before he nodded. “Fine, we’ll walk!”

“Great!” Merlin beamed, smiling relieved. 

And walked they did. Merlin knew that they could reach the city by walking in half an hour, maybe less if he had taken Gwaine’s offer for the bike. But when the day had stretched long and he needed some time to think for himself, he found himself grateful that the kindergarten he worked for wasn’t that close to the city. 

They were silent, the only sound came from the cars passing by them on the road, and some people walking down the pavement. Merlin held himself back from humming a tune, a nursery rhyme, precisely, flushing a little as he realised how deeply engrained he was into the life of a kindergarten teacher. 

It wasn’t like he hated it, though.

“I met someone,” Gwaine said, breaking the silence. 

Merlin frowned, letting that announcement settle in his mind. 

He looked at his friend, noting that his shoulders were tense and his jaw was clicked shut, his eyes straight ahead. It was a clear sign that something wasn’t completely right with this situation. Curious, he nodded once, not saying anything. 

He knew Gwaine since they were in elementary school. There was always something when he announced things like these. The last time he heard such a statement was back when they were doing their A-levels, Gwaine dragging him out of the classroom during Further Maths to tell him something urgent in the boy’s loo. 

It was that time Gwaine thought he found someone, found his True Pair. 

But Merlin had told him that was absurd because Betas didn’t have a True Pair. Couldn’t create that connection a normal Alpha-Omega pairing could. 

Merlin was right when Gwaine appeared at the front of his dorm, the day after their AS examination, eyes rimmed red as he said the person he deemed to be his True Pair wasn’t his at all. 

He had never felt this horrible for his friend before, but that day had been hard on the both of them. He promised then he would keep his mouth shut whenever Gwaine had something to say, because the last thing he wanted was to hurt the brunet more than necessary. 

“Well,” Gwaine said, clearing his throat. “He’s an Alpha.”

Merlin stopped walking, his eyes wide as he stared at his friend’s back. “An Alpha?”

Gwaine stopped as well, turning around to look at Merlin with eyes filled with apprehension and nervousness. His cheeks were tinted a little in red as he ran both hands through his hair, laughing a little. 

“Yeah, an Alpha,” Gwaine said. 

Merlin blinked. 

“And,” Gwaine continued, looking to the ground. “He thinks we’re a True Pair.”

Merlin bit his tongue from saying otherwise. But he couldn’t help but to jolt at that, confusion circling his thoughts. He thought Gwaine knew better after the last time. Surely, he didn’t believe what that Alpha said? He frowned, sighing, watching how Gwaine flinched. 

“Gwaine,” Merlin said, choosing his words carefully. “He’s an Alpha. You’re a Beta.”

“Yes,” Gwaine said, nodding, still not meeting his gaze. 

“Gwaine,” Merlin continued, closing his eyes for a second as he gathered the courage to say the next few words. “A True Pair isn’t real. Even if it was, it’s meant to happen between an Omega and an Alpha.”

He opened his eyes, his heart shattering in his chest at the look of defeat on his friend’s face. He wanted to apologise to him, to comfort him but he didn’t know if that would make things worse or not. 

“I know,” Gwaine said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

It was filled with disappointment, a heavy statement that weighed in the Omega’s mind. 

He took a few steps towards his best friend, touching his arm and caught his eyes. “Come on. Let’s go to a cafe nearby my house and let’s talk, okay?”

Gwaine didn’t protest.

 

***

 

After ordering their drinks, Merlin sat in front of Gwaine, placing his bag on an empty chair next to him. He placed the tray of coffees on the wooden table, taking one cup to place it in front of his friend, earning a soft gratitude. Disposing the tray to the edge of the table, he took his own mug of coffee and sipped it, sighing when he felt the hot beverage sliding down his throat. 

It was getting colder here in London. Any source of heat was more than welcomed, especially when he was quite aware that in the next couple of weeks, he might be going into his scheduled heat. Merlin grimaced at that line of thought, gripping on the mug tight as he recalled how wet and achy he would feel when the time came. 

He debated on taking the Omegan Suppressants just for a brief moment, killing that idea a second later as he recalled what his doctor had said. 

It was not good for his own health if he didn’t let his body go into heat twice a year. More harm than good, she had lectured him. 

Complete and utter infertility waiting for him at the end of the road if he continued down this path and if he ignored the recommended usage and dosage of the suppressants. Merlin shook his head, sipping more of the bitter concoction, letting it settle at the pit of his stomach as he chased away any dark clouds threatening to loom over him. 

He wanted children, that was something he knew. 

But he doubted that day would come, whether the suppressants would bury that choice for him or whether his own body would— _betray_ him of that chance. 

He closed his eyes for a second, stopping himself from dwelling on this topic any longer. 

That wasn’t why he was here. 

He cracked open his eyes, lifting his head to look at his friend, who was looking back at him with a smile, barely a big one, on his face. His brown eyes were a shade darker, with bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t been sleeping well. 

“Tell me,” Merlin said, his voice cut through the ambience of the cafe, soft and firm. “How did he come about?”

Gwaine dropped his gaze onto the mug in his hands. He didn’t reply for a few seconds and Merlin opened his mouth, about to repeat his question in case his friend didn’t hear him when Gwaine sighed. He pushed himself to sink deeper into his seat, rolling his head back to look at the ceiling for a second. 

The Omega let his friend take his time with answering him, deciding to take another long sip of his coffee instead, eyes firmly on Gwaine. 

“His name is Percival. We met five days ago,” Gwaine said, at last.

He sat up straighter, his shoulders squared as he looked at Merlin again. 

“Alright,” Merlin said, nodding. “And then?”

“I was in a pub, per usual,” Gwaine said, earning an eye roll from Merlin, “and I was about to get something to eat as well when he walked in with his friends. We made eye contact and I…I felt it, if you could believe it.”

Merlin frowned. 

Gwaine sighed, dragging one hand down his face as he nodded. “I know. It sounds completely ridiculous. I thought maybe I was a bit too tipsy and ignored it. But then he came up to my table and started chatting me up.”

He stopped talking then, and Merlin watched how he took in a deep breath, as if he was bracing himself of what he was about to say next. 

“I was about head on home after a couple of hours and he wanted to walk me home and we just kissed,” Gwaine said. “And then he told me he thinks we’re a True Pair. Said he felt this connection when he saw me. We exchanged numbers and well. Here we are now.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that. He never heard of an Alpha and a Beta being a True Pair. In fact, he never came across anyone who said they were a True Pair. The Omega tilted his head to the side a little, letting what he heard to settle in his mind, mulling around this fact. He opened his mouth for a second before he closed, finding that he couldn’t form any words in his mouth. 

Gwaine shrugged when the Omega looked at him, raising his eyebrows. 

“I know it’s crazy,” he said. “But, Merlin, this time…it could be real, you know? I mean, don’t they tell you that if you met your True Pair, you will feel drawn to them and you would feel like a mess if you don’t keep a close contact with them?”

Sure, that was true—but only ever in the Omega-Alpha context. 

“Because I feel it, Merlin,” Gwaine said. “I feel restless without him, unable to sleep and I know he feels the same way. When we’re together—it’s like everything is right again.”

“But,” Merlin said. “You’re a Beta, Gwaine.”

His best friend thinned his lips as he looked to the table, locking his own fingers together as he nodded once, curt. His shoulders were raised, looking like they were walls building up around Gwaine. Merlin wasn’t an idiot to not know that he was probably hurting his friend by not believing him but in his defence—he wasn’t sure how to believe this. 

If Gwaine had been an Omega like himself, he would have had an easier time agreeing with him. 

But. 

“Does your secondary gender have to rule everything in your life?” Gwaine asked, raising his head to meet eye-to-eye with Merlin, his words careful. 

Merlin blinked, taken aback at the question. 

“Well,” the kindergarten teacher said. “No. It doesn’t have to rule everything in your life.”

“Then, why can’t you believe me when I say that we might be meant to be?” Gwaine said. 

“Because,” Merlin spoke. “Because…it doesn't exist.”

“To you, maybe. But to me, it is.” Gwaine shook his head. 

Merlin didn’t reply to that, deciding to bring the rim of his mug to his mouth instead, letting the now lukewarm coffee to wash down every thought he had on this matter. He had no right to tell another person how to live and what to believe in. Just because he didn’t have a happily ever after, it didn’t mean another person couldn’t have that. 

Reality was never the same for everyone. 

And maybe, Gwaine’s happy ending was this. 

He conceded with a nod at the end, tossing the remainder of his coffee into his mouth, placing the glass on the table. 

“You’re right,” he said. “You’re right. I just—I don’t want you to get hurt again, Gwaine.”

It was the right thing to say when Gwaine’s shoulders relaxed and his face softened, his eyes brighter than before. He smiled, sincere. 

“I know, Merlin,” Gwaine said. “But I think, this time I’ll be fine.”

Merlin sighed, a soft smile played on his own lips.

They soon moved away from that conversation, much to Merlin’s relief. He still wasn’t sure about this Percival person, but he trusted Gwaine. He knew that his friend wouldn’t let just anyone into his life. He hoped Gwaine would be more careful with Percival and wouldn’t be swept away with talks of True Pair that easily, however. 

He squirmed in his seat after a while, halting the conversation with the Beta. “I need to head to the loo a bit.”

Gwaine nodded, waving him off. With a sheepish grin tossed at the brunet’s way, he stood up. He walked away from their table, whistling under his breath when he saw a long line in front of the cashier. He glanced at his wrist watch, noting that it was about to be tea-time, explaining the sudden crowd. He tried to manoeuvre past a few people, and at last, he had to go through the line rather than around it when he couldn’t find another path to get to the small hallway leading to the loos. 

He thought he managed to escape the small crowd, keeping his eyes on the ground but he was quickly proved wrong when he slammed face first against someone. The next thing he knew, he was on the ground on his arse with his shirt drenched with something hot. A short yelp escaped his mouth as his eyes burned with tears from the pain. His ears rang a little from the sudden commotion he put himself in. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” an angry voice speared through his mind. “Are you blind? Can’t you see where you’re walking, you idiot?”

Anger coursed through his veins as he forced himself to look up, meeting with a blond man who was looking at his drenched suit, trying to wipe some of it away with his fingers only to shake his hands every few seconds. Merlin tried to stand up, a person nearby helped him up with a hand on his arm. He thanked him and winced when his raw skin brushed against the wet shirt. He needed to get to the loo and he needed to get there fast to assess the damage. 

He tossed a brief apology at the angry blond man and hurried to the loo as fast as he could, humiliation burned through him. With his red cheeks and pain centring at his chest, he pushed open the door to the men’s loo and headed to the sink, unbuttoning his shirt. He didn’t even bother to check if there was anyone else in the room, concerned at the damage on his skin. 

Merlin opened the tap and scooped as much cold water he could and pressed against his chest, muffling a yelp of pain as he closed his eyes shut. He sniffled, opening his eyes as a few tears ran down his cheeks. Feeling a little pathetic, he continued to press cold water against his heated skin. 

The door to the loo slammed open right as he was about to scoop the third batch of cold water against his skin, shocking Merlin. 

“The fuck?” the familiar angry voice echoed in the empty loo. “Where do you think you’re going running away?”

Merlin gritted his teeth, keeping his eyes on his chest as the blond man appeared behind him. He gasped when a hand grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. 

“That hurts!” Merlin yelled, trying to pull himself away from the man’s grip. 

“And you ruined my shirt!” the man yelled to his face. 

Merlin growled under his breath, snapping his icy-blue eyes to the ocean-blue ones. And the second their eyes met, everything around him stopped for a brief moment. Almost like they were in a limbo. The noises around him silenced, and his heart began to beat loudly. His eyes widened as he stared at the man in front of him, a jolt of something went straight into his body as a gasp escaped his lips for the second time. 

His throat dried, his mind blanked and panic washed into him. 

There was something within him that scratched at the walls of his sanity, wanting to get out. His neck itched to tilt, to bare his skin and make himself look smaller, quieter, anything that made him look less threatening in front of this man’s presence. His fingers shook as he curled them into fists, searching the taller man’s face. 

The ocean blue eyes were wide as well, and the man had gone rigid. 

It felt like they both didn’t breathe. 

As if they were under a spell, the hand on his shoulder raised to meet his cheek in a gentle touch. The warmth that seeped into Merlin’s skin the second they made contact on his face made his eyes flutter closed, his body threatening to arch against the body. 

Fear crawled into his mind as he shook his head, trying to catch some semblance of logic. But none came into his mind, only this burning need to be touched, to be held, to be kissed and wanted. He snapped open his eyes when a burning sensation started within him, taking over every inch of his body. His knees buckled and his breathing became harsher. His fingers scrambled to grab on the man’s arms, stronger pair of arms wrapped around his body to keep him standing. 

Flushed against the bigger, stronger figure, Merlin felt his cheeks reddening and a fever-like haze started to take over his thoughts. The primal urges that he thought he had managed to control barrelled into his mind, screaming at him, urging him to bare his neck in submission and get down on his knees. 

The smell of pine trees filled his nose, and he wanted more of it. His mouth watered and the aching emptiness in his chest that he thought he successfully ignored came back full force. He gripped the man’s arm tighter and he moved closer, finding that the scent came stronger at the man’s neck. If he could just—

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” the man babbled before Merlin was pushed away harshly. 

Merlin blinked, confused as he watched the man with blue eyes taking a few steps away from him and turning away, slamming both hands against the stall doors.

“W—what,” Merlin whispered as he touched the edges of the sink, holding himself up. “Why…Why do I feel—what is happening?”

Another wave of heat rushed through his body and that was when he felt it, the wetness that slid down from his inner thigh, coming from his backside. An aborted moan escaped his lips as panic slammed full force.

“I’m in heat,” he whispered, the shock of it cleared a little of the confusion. 

He needed to get out of there. 

He wasn’t that far gone, he could get out of here and head to Gwaine. He could leave. _He had to_. 

Tears burned in his eyes again as he forced himself to move, not wanting to be in the same room as the man who smelt like pine trees and comfort and home and—he was _scared_. 

He made a few steps towards the door before a growl resounded in the air, stopping him. The Omega within him whined, forcing him to listen. Listen to the Alpha in the room who managed to hold his sense of will. A shudder ran through his spine as he glanced over his shoulder, noting that the man was facing him but had his head hanging down, one fist on the walls of the stall. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” the man said, his voice bled of power and dominance. “Smelling like you’re in fucking heat?”

“I can’t,” Merlin said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I have to leave. I _have_ to leave. I need to leave. I don’t want this. _I don’t want this_.”

“Shut. Up!” the man growled, the order with a hint of an Alpha forced Merlin to close his mouth. 

Tears ran down his face in fear, wondering if this was how things was going to end for him. He watched with his heart in his throat as the man stood up straighter, lifting his head to look at the brunet. His eyes were bleeding red, the Alpha clearly in control now. 

“Come,” the man said as he walked towards Merlin. “Let’s go.”

Merlin took in a shuddering breath, wincing when the man grabbed him by his arm and opened the loo bathroom, dragging him away. Merlin stumbled a few steps as he had no choice but to follow him. He tried to struggle when they got out of the cafe, heading towards an expensive looking car. 

“Please,” Merlin pleaded as he tried to stop the man from walking. “ _Please_.”

“For fuck’s sakes,” the man said as he pushed the brunet against the car, bracketing him. His red eyes bored into Merlin’s blue ones, lips pulled up in a snarl. 

“I’m _not_ ,” he said before he closed his eyes, bowing his head a little and took in a few deep breaths. When he raised his head again, the redness had seeped away a little, his voice a little softer than before even though it still held the edge of danger in them. “I’m not going to touch you. But you’re in heat and something fucking happened between us back there. I need to get you home, okay?”

“My friend,” Merlin said, forcing the words out of his tongue-tied tongue. “Gwaine, he’s there, he can—”

“Get. In,” the man ordered as he pushed himself away from the Omega.

He pulled Merlin away from the car, opening the passenger seat door. He pushed Merlin in and slammed the door shut. Merlin shivered, feeling hot all over his body and his mind loosing grip on his sanity. His vision became blurry, the scent of pine trees more prominent in this small enclosed space. The wetness at his lower half of the body wasn’t helping matters, and if he had any sense of self-righteousness left in his body, he would be burning in humiliation. 

The man got into the car, slamming the door shut and before Merlin knew it, they were driving away from there. 

“Your address,” the man barked out, the order hitting deep into Merlin’s core.

He didn’t have a choice, compelled to give the man the address of his place. Pain seared through his body and he cried, unsure of what to do now. He couldn’t think and he curled his body against his chest, wanting to lay in his nest and roll around until he could get rid of this heat. 

It came way too early and he wanted to go home. 

All he could remember afterwards were the touches of the man dragging him out of the car and pulling him against his chest as he was brought back to his place. The man touched his pockets so he could fish out the keys to the Omega’s small apartment. Merlin pushed away from the man the second the familiar scent of his home, nest, caught his senses. He stumbled into the one-bedroom place, heading to his bed where he had begun nesting for his heat. He lay down, starting to take off his clothes. 

He curled around the mound of clothes, his hands searching through them to find something, anything to relieve this pain. But none smelt like what he wanted, none gave him comfort and a distressed sound came out of his throat, more tears ran down his cheeks. 

It was then the smell of pine trees covered his senses as a jacket was tossed at his body. He grabbed on it and hugged it tight, burying his nose against the collar of the shirt, sniffling. 

That was the last thing he remembered before he let go and his heat took his entire body completely, the smell of pine trees comforting him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: Wow...guys, wow haha I didn't expect this story to get the attention it's getting. It's making me feel a little less nervous (but still really nervous) about this story. Here's the next chapter! Like I said, the updates will be fast since I'm having lots of fun writing this! Thank you so much for taking your time to read and give this story a kudos and a comment and a bookmark and not to mention, and a subscription! 
> 
> Until the next chapter! -Krystal

His heat broke the very next day, too quick if he thought about it but something he wasn’t going to complain about. Merlin was exhausted, his body ached and his eyes were swollen from crying too much. His fingers hurt as well from gripping on the same clothing for the past few hours. He sniffled, a bad headache taking root as he stared at the mountain of clothes around him. He couldn’t believe what had happened. He moved his legs and winced at the wetness around him no doubt from his slick. He knew he should move, get out of this place and clean up but he didn’t want to. 

His heart skipped a beat as the face of the man entered his mind, the same face that had kept him company as he took care of himself, nose buried at the collar of the jacket the man had given before he left. He dragged the jacket and hugged it tighter against his chest, feeling safer with the scent caressing him. 

The door to his bedroom was knocked a few times and Merlin sighed, croaking out a noise as he waited for Gwaine to come inside. 

He sighed a little, thanking of his best friend’s presence.

An hour after he had been left in throes of heat, Gwaine came barging in with his stuff, sweating and panicked. He took care of Merlin by making sure he kept himself hydrated and ate at least something while he waited for his heat to break. 

Merlin took the jacket and covered his lower half, pushing himself on his back to look at his best friend who hovered at the edge of the doorway. He tried to smile but it just came off as a grimace, judging by the unamused look Gwaine was tossing him. 

“You okay?” Gwaine said, taking a step into the room. 

“Yeah,” Merlin said, gripping the edges of the jacket as if it could ground him. “Yeah, I’m fine. I think.”

“You _think_ ,” Gwaine said, raising his eyebrows. “You gave me quite a scare yesterday. You were lucky I came looking for you the second I realised you were gone and came here first.”

Merlin looked away for a second before he sighed. “I gave _myself_ a scare.” After a beat he added, “Thanks, Gwaine.”

Gwaine hummed, taking a few more steps to the bed before he waved at the messy nest. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll give you some painkillers and suppressants and we can talk.”

Merlin wasn’t looking forward to the discussion, neither was he looking forward to the ache in his muscles. But one look from the Beta and he knew that he had no choice.

 

***

 

Merlin stared at himself in the mirror of his bathroom, noting that he looked horrible. It was like he had been run over by a truck multiple times. He tilted his neck, gaze dropping to his scent gland, untouched but a little swollen nevertheless. He grazed it with his fingertips, wincing when he felt the tender skin. 

One of the many reasons why he hated his heat was that he was sensitive _everywhere_. 

It didn’t feel good. 

He shook his head and looked at the oversized shirt and boxers he carried into the bathroom. Making sure to pat his skin from the water with a soft towel, he wore the clothes, walking out of the loo. He frowned, feeling a little jittery when his eyes landed on the jacket hanging off of Gwaine’s arm alongside with some of other dirty clothes. 

Before Gwaine could leave his room, Merlin’s body moved and before he realised it, he had grabbed the jacket away from his friend’s grasp, hugging it tight. His eyes widened when he snapped out of his thoughts, looking at the Beta who was staring at him, a little stunned. 

“Uh,” Gwaine said. “Alright, you can have that jacket.”

Merlin’s cheeks reddened as he looked away. There was a new part of him, once that remained dormant so many years, resurfacing. It purred in him when he slowly brought the jacket to his nose, inhaling the smell of pine trees. It calmed him down and the jittery feeling vanished. A little freaked out with his behaviour and yet not willing to ignore these urges, he ignored the looks Gwaine tossed him and followed the Beta out of his room. He hesitated for a second before he wore the jacket over his body, realising that it was bigger than his slim frame, almost swallowing him. 

Gwaine emerged from the kitchen with two pills, one a painkiller and the other a suppressant. Merlin took them without hesitation before he was gently pushed to the living room. Made to sit down on the couch, Gwaine left to the kitchen to bring back something to eat. He sat down next to the Omega and handed a bowl of chicken noodle soup to Merlin, watching him as the smaller brunet took a bite of it. 

He hummed under his breath, letting the warmth of the food slide down his throat, settling at the pit of his stomach. He glanced at the Beta and smiled a little, earning a snort from his friend. 

It was a few minutes later with an empty bowl on the coffee table did Gwaine started needling. Merlin tensed when the dreaded conversation started. His fingers itched to touch the edges of the jacket so he could pull it closer to his body.

“What happened, Merlin?” Gwaine said. “One second you were there at the cafe and the next, you were gone, people saying you got dragged away by some blond weirdo.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, his throat drying as he recalled of the ocean-blue eyes. “Yeah, he…I don’t know, Gwaine.”

“What happened?” 

Merlin thinned his lips as he looked at his lap, interlinking his hands together. “Well, I bumped into _him_ on the way to the loo and spilled coffee on him.”

“Of course, you did.”

The Omega tossed a faux glare at him, earning a brilliant grin in return. “As I was saying, uh, then I went to check on my chest because I got hit from the coffee as well and he followed me and—we made eye contact and. And I went—into heat.”

Gwaine stared at him for a second. He furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes narrowed. 

“You went into heat just because you guys made eye contact?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Merlin said, sighing. 

It sounded so stupid, crazy. 

It sounded _scary_. 

How could he had gone into heat, weeks early just because he made eye contact with that man?

A hand touched his shoulder, catching Merlin’s attention. He looked at his friend’s face before he frowned, feeling like he was about to hate what the Beta was about to say. 

He knew how this sounded like. 

It was weird, he knew. 

“Merlin,” Gwaine began. “Do you think perhaps it’s a—”

Merlin shook his head, shaking Gwaine’s hand from his shoulder. 

This was exactly as he feared.

“Oh come on, Gwaine! Don’t tell me you think this is a True Pair bullshite.”

Gwaine frowned. “Then, how do you explain you going into heat just by looking at him?”

Merlin refused to believe that was the case. 

There was no way those kinds of things happened to someone like him. He curled his fingers into fists, squaring his shoulders. “It was just a fluke. I haven’t been near any Alphas that close in a long while. That’s why.”

Gwaine remained silent before he groaned. “Your scheduled heat is never amiss. I would know since I take care of your arse every time. This _isn’t_ a fluke. You don’t have flukes when it comes to your heat. You know _that’s_ bullshite.”

“I just,” Merlin said, the tight feeling in his chest making it hard for him to breathe. “It’s not nonsense, Gwaine. It can’t be—that. Flukes can happen. It’s _just_ a fluke. There’s no such thing as a True Pair.” He glanced at his friend. “At least not for someone like me.”

Gwaine opened his mouth, looking like he would argue before he clamped his lips shut. 

Silence washed into the scene for a second before he said, “Then, what are you going to do about his jacket? What are you going to do about _this_?”

Merlin touched the edges of the jacket, ignoring the way the emptiness in his chest made itself known again at the thought of never seeing the man again. 

“I’ll just make sure we never cross paths again,” Merlin said. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just get rid of the jacket.”

It sounded like a lie even to his own ears but Gwaine didn’t call him out of it.

 

***

 

Merlin went back to work the very next day, rolling his shoulders as he helped the kids and taught them the alphabets. He had woken up this morning with a new sense of determination that he would put this thing behind him and move on with his life. He had looked at the jacket, folded it on his desk and made a note to throw it out once he came back home from work. 

And when he had stepped outside of the house, he ignored the sudden impulse to look for the man and carried on with his life. 

Because he had learned from his mistake and he wouldn’t let his biology control him again. 

He took in a deep breath as he looked at his children, talking and giggling once in a while. Some of them looked serious as they concentrated at their tasks. 

He tightened his jaw as the hole in his chest widened, a need he used to keep tampered down started to take over his mind easier now. 

Merlin hated how meeting one Alpha like that man yesterday tipped his entire world on its axis. 

But he would be damned if he let him ruin his hard-work at repressing these urges. 

His Omega nature had been nothing but trouble for him. 

At the end of the day, when he had sent the children home to their parents, the loneliness he used to feel came back like a tidal wave, ten times worse. He touched his desk and sat down heavily on his seat, staring at the quiet classroom, void of children. 

If only—

He shook that thought away from his mind and got up, gathering his bag and decided to head home now. As he exited the kindergarten compound, he waved at the security guards, smiling when he was given a wave back. He was about to take a left turn to start on his journey back to the city when he heard someone calling for him. He stopped walking, turning around only to come face-to-face with the one person who he vowed to avoid. 

Merlin took a step back, eyes wide when he saw the familiar blue eyes boring into his as he got out of the same expensive looking car. The Omega wanted to run away but another part of him rooted his feet to the ground, his heart started beating loudly against his chest. The man leaned against his car, not making a move to come closer, much to Merlin’s relief. 

“What,” Merlin said, staring at him. “What are you doing here?”

More importantly, how did he find him?

Was he a stalker?

That thought caused him to take another step back, his entire body ready to bolt away from there. The man sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. 

“I needed to see you,” he said. “Get in the car, we need to talk.”

Merlin shook his head. “Are you _crazy_? I’m not going anywhere with you!”

Especially not after what had happened the last time. The man furrowed his eyebrows, a frown crossed his good looking face. 

“Look, I’m not going to touch you,” he said. “I just need to talk to you about some things.”

“Whatever it is,” Merlin said. “We should forget about it. Nothing happened between us. _Goodbye_!”

Before the man could retort, Merlin had turned around and started to speed-walk away. He tensed when he heard the man utter a curse under his breath. For a few seconds, he didn’t hear anything else and he wondered if the man left. Just as he was about to look over his shoulder, the said man appeared next to him, walking side-by-side with him. 

Surprised and a little worried of his own safety, he sped up his walking, chancing a glance at the man who looked back at him with raised eyebrows. 

“Why are you following me?” Merlin gritted out. 

“I need to talk to you, that’s why,” the man said, infuriatingly calm. 

Merlin really didn’t want to talk about anything with this man. He huffed out a breath, deciding that the best course of action was to ignore him and hope that he would leave him alone. The brunet kept his gaze forward, taking a turn down the pavement heading into the heart of the city as more people started walking past by him. He was about to take another step further towards the zebra crossing when the man grabbed him by the wrist, halting him. 

A jolt ran up his arm, the place where the taller man touched him warmed. Merlin snatched his wrist away, hugging it against his chest as he turned to look at him, eyes wide. 

“Don’t touch me!” he said. 

The man looked at his own fingers, wriggling them before he sighed and dropped them to his sides. When his blue eyes raised to meet the icy blue ones, they were filled with apprehension and if Merlin guessed, frustration. 

“ _Look_ ,” he said. “I just need to talk to you about some things and then I’ll be off. I promise. So, could you not waste anymore time and listen to what I have to say?”

“I’m not wasting anyone’s time,” Merlin retorted. “I don’t know you! How can I just trust you?”

“You don’t _have_ to _trust_ me,” the man said, the words were said quickly. “I just need to say my piece and I’ll be on my way.”

Merlin really didn’t want to listen to what this man had to say. 

It scared him, how just by being near him, a flutter of emotions swarmed in his chest, alongside the once-dormant urges of his Omega nature. 

“Fine,” Merlin said, at last. 

The man huffed a breath and rolled his eyes, straightening his body. “Great.”

They were quiet as they walked. Merlin kept glancing at him, clutching on the strap of his bag as he hurried to a nearby cafe. He blushed red as he remembered the last time he had been in this cafe. He hesitated to go inside but he knew that despite what happened the other day, this was one of the rare places he felt comfortable to be at. He noted that the man had gone a little tense when Merlin walked into the cafe. The brunet walked to one of the tables near the windows and sat down, not feeling like he wanted to get anything.

He was more than eager to listen to what the man had to say and leave. 

The blond walked to the table where Merlin was but he didn’t make any move to take a seat. Tilting his head up, Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, confused. 

The ocean-blue eyes weren’t paying attention to him, instead, the man seemed to look at the direction of the cashier and menus. Merlin followed his gaze and frowned. Did the man wanted to get something to drink? He fidgeted where he sat, not liking that idea at all. 

“What do you want to get?” the man asked, catching the brunet’s attention. 

Merlin shrugged, their eyes meeting. “I don’t want anything.”

The blond frowned, eyes narrowing. He, then, searched his face before he rolled his eyes. He left Merlin sitting as he headed to the front of the cafe, lining up behind two other people. Merlin didn’t know how to feel about this development and decided that the best course of action was to notify Gwaine about his whereabouts in case something unfavourable happened. 

Just as he sent a message to Gwaine, the man came back with a tray, two drinks and a cake on it. Merlin’s eyebrows flew high up on his forehead when the blond placed a mug of coffee and what seemed like cheesecake in front of Merlin before grabbing the other cup of coffee for himself. The man then placed the empty tray at a table next to them. 

“Uh,” Merlin said, staring at the items before him. “What’s this?”

“Eat,” the man said, pushing the small plate where the slice of cake was towards Merlin. 

“I thought I said I don’t want anything,” Merlin said. 

He wanted to reject this cake and this drink but something within, the primal part of him, purred at what was presented before him. A part of him felt touched, happy even at the fact he was taken care of. Merlin squashed those feelings, bulldozing over them as slight disgust curled at the pit of his stomach. 

Since when had been so weak?

Insisting to be stubborn and ignoring the Omega within him that wanted to eat the cake, he pushed the plate to the man along with the mug. 

“I don’t want them,” Merlin said, raising his head to meet the man’s eyes. 

The man remained silent for a second before he nudged the plate of cake and drink towards Merlin again. 

“Eat,” he said. A second later, he added, “Please.”

Merlin frowned deeper. “I said I don’t want it, mate.”

“I’m not your friend,” the blond snapped. “Now fucking eat.”

“No!” Merlin said, anger bubbling inside of him. 

How dare this man order him to do things!

The man’s cheeks reddened and his blue eyes flashed before he took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. A few seconds of awkward silence passed before the eyes opened and they looked tad calmer. The man then opened his mouth, his words were less forceful. 

“Look,” he said. “There’s a reason why I found you. I need to talk to you about a few things. But first things first, I need you to eat, okay? I need you to eat in front of me.”

“The _fuck_?” Merlin said, curling his lips in disgust. “I’m not into freaky shite like that, man.”

“Oh for fuck’s sakes,” the man said, rubbing his face with hands. “It’s not _that_ , you _idiot_.”

“Then what is this?” Merlin said, waving his hands about. “What do you want from me?”

The man looked close to hitting his own head against something. Merlin’s inner urges started cooing, asking him to comfort the blond in front of him. To touch him, soothe the anxiety that was emitting from him. But he only told those primal parts of him to shut up because there was no way he was going to do that. 

What was even happening?

“How was your heat?” the man asked, taking Merlin off guard.

Indignant and offended at such an offensive question, he exclaimed, “ _Excuse me_?”

Had this man never talked to an Omega before? Asking an Omega he just met about his heat of all things was social taboo—and just who the fuck did he think he was?

“No, I didn’t _mean_ it like that,” the Alpha in front of him said. “I just—”

“Look, mate,” Merlin said, deciding it was best if he left. “I don’t have time for this.”

Just as he was about to stand up, the man looked at him in the eyes and went, “I’m your True Pair.”

Merlin’s entire body went slack and his mind blanked as the words registered in his mind. 

“Excuse me?” Merlin said, eyes wide as his heart picked up speed. 

The man looked uncomfortable as he dropped his blue gaze on the table before lifting them up again. “I—know. I know it sounds crazy but that’s what happened to us two days ago in the loo. When you went into heat. For fuck’s sakes, out of all the time this to happen.”

Merlin didn’t know which part of that sentence made him want to hurl himself out of a window. “That’s… _not_ true.”

The man stopped moving for a second before he raised his eyebrows. “What’s not true?”

“This—True Pair stuff,” Merlin said. “That’s a myth. It’s not true.”

“A— _myth_?” the blond-haired man said, sounding a little put-off. 

“It’s not real,” Merlin clarified. “There’s no way such thing exists. I’m not your True Pair and you’re not mine either. It was just a fluke. My heat was supposed to come anyways. It was just a little early.”

The man looked at him like Merlin had lost his head. “You’re telling me—that by just a mere one touch, mind you, and an eye-contact that set you off into a heat is a mere— _fluke_.”

“Yes.” Merlin refused to break the eye-contact, even when he felt himself flushing under the man’s intense gaze. 

The man laughed a little but it sounded like it was in disbelief. “I’m sorry, but are you genuinely _stupid_?”

“Are you insulting me right now?” Merlin said, grabbing the shoulder strap of his bag, squeezing it. “ _Really_?”

“You really are stupid,” the man said, shaking his head as he tilted his head upwards a little. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “My True Pair is an idiot. Just my luck.”

“I am not stupid, you _arsehole_!” Merlin yelled, slamming a hand down on the table. “It was a fluke! I told you, my heat was just a little early!”

“A few weeks early?” the man snapped, bowing his head to look at him. 

Merlin froze, blood running cold as his throat dried. 

“What?” Merlin said, hushed. 

“You’re telling me that your heat that came a few weeks early is a fluke?” the man said, each word that left his mouth was like a bullet shot to Merlin’s chest. 

“How do you know that my heat was a few weeks early?” Merlin asked. 

The man sighed for the umpteenth time, muttering under his breath. “You were blabbering while in heat daze in the car two days ago.”

He felt a little weak at that, slumping against his seat. The man eyed him before he touched the plate of cake and pushed it towards Merlin again. 

“Eat,” he said. “My instincts are on haywire right now and I can’t concentrate on anything. I need to see you eat, just so I can put these stupid urges to care and feed you to rest.”

Merlin blushed red as he stared at the man. “You want to take care of me?”

“I’m your True Pair,” he said, accentuating each word. “And I don’t know what bullshite you’ve been fed with but True Pairs are real. We are one of them. And right now, because I wasn’t there to take care of you myself during your heat, I need to see you eat so I can shut these stupid urges up. So, for the love of God and all that, can you _please_ eat the bloody cake?”

Merlin didn’t know why he did just that. He saw how his fingers moved to grab the cake and then the fork. He should be resisting it, the want to please the man in front of him but he didn’t, instead, he shoved a bite into his mouth, looking at the man to realise that he was watching the brunet with laser-sharp eyes. The tenseness on his shoulder, jaw and body relaxed the more bites Merlin took, confirming the truth behind what he had said.

It was only after he had finished the cake did he realise what he had done. 

A wash of humiliation crawled into him as he curled his fingers into fists, glaring at the man before him. 

He slammed the fork on the table down, startling the blond-haired man a little. “Don’t _ever_ tell me what to do! I am not your slave! Don’t order me around, you prat!”

The man raised his eyebrows, looking a little taken aback. “For the record, you idiot, I didn’t order shite. You ate the cake yourself.”

“No, you ordered me to!” Merlin said. “I didn’t want the cake!”

“Well, you ate it!” the man said, pointing at the empty plate.

“Because you made me!”

“I didn’t make you do anything, for God’s sake!” the man exclaimed. 

“You did! You used your stupid Alpha shite to force me to eat it! Why are all Alphas the same? I don’t want to be controlled and used like this! Do you know how humiliating this is to me? You _don’t_! Because you bloody Alphas don’t know what it’s like to be forced to do something against your wills at all!” Merlin yelled, breathing out harshly as he stood up, eyes burning. 

He grabbed his bag and stood up, walking away from the table as he rushed to the door of the cafe. He pushed it and got out, taking in shuddering breaths. He was about to walk when a hand grasped his wrist. He took his hand away, whirling around to hiss at the Alpha only for the man to take a step back and raise his hands in the air, palm facing outwards. 

“I didn’t do it,” the man said, his voice soft and calm, a hint of coo in his voice. “I promise. I didn’t force you to do anything. The only time I used that voice was to make sure you got home safe that day. That’s all. I didn’t force you to eat the cake.”

The brunet stared at him for a while. 

He wanted to grab the man by the collar of his shirt and shake him back and forth, yelling out how he lied. 

But—

Merlin didn’t know why but he believed him. 

He shouldn’t be believing some random Alpha who proclaimed he was his True Pair but he believed this man right here. 

He knew he did when his Omega instincts purred again within him, making him relax. 

He sniffed, cursing his bloody biology and weaknesses as he looked to the ground. 

If what the man said was true, then that meant he had done it on his own accord—on his own to please the Alpha, to show him that he was fine, healthy. 

It was _embarrassing_. 

Why was this happening?

“Look,” the man said, catching his attention. “I know this can be shocking but we _are_ a True Pair. And it’s bloody forcing my Alpha instincts to go haywire. You’re my Omega, whether you and I like it or not. And I really don’t like it, if you can tell by the way.”

Merlin could tell he wasn’t pleased by it, as well, judging by how tense he looked again. 

“I’m _not_ your Omega or anything,” Merlin spat out, nevertheless, refusing this notion.

“Okay, whatever,” the man said. “You can keep fooling yourself thinking that but we both know that your instincts are going just as crazy as mine.”

“It’s not.”

“It’s not?” the man said, clearly not believing him. “So, it’s not screaming to see me? Not screaming at you to scent me? To have the scent of me wrapped around you? To comfort you? To hold you?”

Merlin made a weird noise at the back of his throat, his ears burning. “Stop!”

But the man ignored him. “Because that’s what my instincts are screaming for me to do and I need it to bloody shut up so I can go about my day and do my work. I hate this as much as you do and I can tell you, I have more things on stake than you have with this stupid thing between us.”

“Then _leave_!” Merlin said. “Leave me be! I’m sure these instincts will go away if we ignore them.”

“Oh my God,” the man said. “It won’t!”

“How would you know?” Merlin said. “You didn’t even try!”

“I _tried_!” the man said. “For two days! Before I knew it, I was searching about you and here I am. Can you stop being so bloody stubborn? Do you think this is any easy for me? It’s _not_! I have a fiancée that I love and want to marry and I’m in the process of taking over a business. I’m in a lot of stress and I don’t want to deal with this bullshite any more than necessary. So, fuck you if you think I’m not suffering in this mess.”

Merlin winced. 

He didn’t want to admit it, but hearing that was like having a knife cutting through his chest. The man before him looked helpless as he ran his fingers through his hair. He sagged his shoulders and took in a deep breath, looking at the brunet. 

A fiancée. The man before him, his supposed True Pair Alpha was about to be married to someone else. 

How ironic. 

Even though he didn’t want that, even though he thought this was a good development because it meant that he wouldn’t have to hold onto something fragile like a relationship—he couldn’t help but to feel disappointed— _hurt_. 

Confused at his own feelings, torn between the hurt his Omega side felt and the need to leave from his rational side, he looked away. 

“I do,” Merlin said, at last. “I do feel those urges.”

“Right,” the man said. 

The brunet gasped when the blond man took one of his hand and a card was slammed onto his palm. He looked at the card, realising it contained the blond-haired man’s name and number. 

“I propose we meet every once a week so these urges will calm down,” the man—Arthur—said. 

Merlin looked at him, frowning. 

“Think about it,” Arthur said. “I have to leave now. Call me once you made your decision.” 

Before Merlin could say anything, Arthur turned around and walked away. The brunet stared at the retreating back of the Alpha, feeling his heart heavy in his chest. He curled his fingers around the card and sighed, a headache making itself known at the back of his head. 

And the huge gaping emptiness in his chest.

 

***

 

That night, he stared at the card on his coffee table. Gwaine had called him an hour later after the debacle with Arthur and Merlin had told him what happened. 

“You told me you didn’t believe in them,” Gwaine had said. “But maybe it’s time you did.”

“He has a fucking fiancée, Gwaine.”

“He’s _your_ Alpha,” Gwaine had replied, calm, as if that made any sense to call an engaged man. “Call him.”

He truly didn’t want to believe that was the case, but the desperate look from Arthur burned into his mind. And he remembered what Arthur had said to him. 

He couldn’t deny that the urges that were once dormant didn’t surge back alive through his veins after meeting him that day. In fact, he sighed, a little defeated, he was craving for the scent of pine trees, the comforting one that only Arthur gave out. He looked at the jacket that he promised to throw away, only now it was over his body. 

If he was being honest with himself, he was scared at the turn of events. 

He bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes a little, curling his legs against his chest as he placed his forehead on his bony knees. 

Why would he, of all people, have a True Pair?

A bitter laugh escaped his lips, his heart throbbing in his chest as he recalled that Arthur had someone else in his life. 

He didn’t _need_ Merlin. 

But he was forced to accommodate him because of this biology shite. 

His inner Omega was angry, upset that the Alpha was not his, didn’t wait for him, didn’t want him, and he found himself having this huge urge to call Arthur, to hear his voice. 

As if hearing the man’s voice would calm his agitation a little—soothe his hurt. 

Defeated, he dropped his legs to the floor and grabbed his phone which was lying next to the card. Picking the card up, he dialled the number. 

“Hello?” Arthur’s voice came through and Merlin bit his bottom lip again, a wash of warmth covered him like a blanket, filling up the slight emptiness in his chest. 

“It’s Merlin, the Omega you claimed to be your True Pair. I—I’ll do it.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: Haha, thank you so much for the support, guys! It's been really fun writing this story so far! Chapter 3 is like extra long xD Like 11K words, I think! Chapter 4 is definitely going to be just as long, maybe longer, depending on how fleshed out I want it to be! Thank you so much for the comments, kudos, subscriptions, reads and bookmarks! Wow, can't believe you guys still like what I put out so far haha
> 
> I'll be updating Chapter 4 in 2-3 days time! So, until then! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter too! Until the next one! -Krystal

It was awkward, the first meeting he had with Arthur. There weren’t much stuff to discuss over the phone when Merlin called the other day to agree to this absurdity. With just an ‘Alright, thanks’, Arthur ended the phone call and that had been it. For a while, for a couple of hours, just hearing the blond-haired man’s voice calmed his Omega instincts. The emptiness in his chest filled and he didn’t have this urgent itch within him to go seek out for the Alpha. 

But come morning the next day, the emptiness, the urge, the itch and want and _need_ —they came back full force, rendering Merlin into a fidgeting mess before he even took a step outside of his room for his job. It was a stronger wash of want, with his Omega scratching at the walls of his rationality, wanting to come out when he refused to listen to its pleas. 

He had gritted his teeth, leaning against the walls of the entrance of his flat, unable to take a step outside because of the pain in his chest. At the end, he rushed back into his room and grabbed Arthur’s jacket. He wore it that day to work, humiliated that he had to resort to this to calm this awful jitteriness and upset that the pine tree scent was no longer prevalent. 

Merlin learned to take back everything he threw at Arthur the other day when they finally met. Arthur simply texted a time and place and Merlin found himself going. It was like his whole universe righted itself up, the screaming urge to cry for his Alpha silenced when he walked into the same cafe they met twice before and saw the blond. 

Arthur looked just as bad as he did, bags under his eyes and his skin paler than the last time he saw him. Merlin shuffled his weight from one foot to the other, not making a move to head to the table where the blond was. He took in a deep breath, clutching the plastic bag containing Arthur’s jacket, mourning at how it no longer smelt like him and he had to give it back. 

He entertained briefly the idea of asking a clothing from Arthur and then squashed it. 

He wasn’t about to let that damn Omega win. 

He was still in control of his urges, and he still refused to think of Arthur as his True Pair, no matter how relieved he was to see him and no matter how right it felt when those ocean-blue eyes met his, warmth blooming in his chest. He had wanted to rush over there to be enveloped by those strong arms and calming scent. 

Merlin tightened the grip on the bag and made his way to the table, eyes dropping on the slice of cake and mug of coffee placed in front of an empty seat. It didn’t take a genius to conclude that those were meant for him. Suppressing a sigh, he sat on the chair and looked at Arthur. The blond man looked back at him, assessing him before he nodded, rubbing a hand down his face. 

“How have you been?” he asked, his voice low and tired. 

Merlin shrugged. “Been better.”

Arthur hummed, not replying to that. He pointed to the cake and mug of coffee. “Have some.”

The Omega hesitated, before he complied. He was a little peckish, surely this was just a convenience for him? Plus, it was free food and drink. 

He grimaced at how cheap he was being but didn’t stop himself from grabbing the mug, noting that it was still hot and sipped on the drink. He didn’t have a particular favourite coffee taste, but this was pretty good. Merlin then set the mug down and pulled the bag to hand it over to Arthur. 

The blond frowned, taking it from his hands. “What’s this?” 

“Your…jacket,” Merlin said, squirming a little as his cheeks reddened when Arthur looked at him. 

“I see,” he said, his words were careful. 

Merlin noted that Arthur’s cheeks were tinted in pink and as if in reflex, his own face heated up. Awkward silence washed into the scene as Arthur took the bag and put it on the floor next to him. The brunet decided to eat the cake instead, taking a small piece with a fork and shoving it into his mouth. It was a chocolate cake this time and Merlin liked this one more than the cheesecake. 

“Do you like it?” Arthur asked, catching his attention. 

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, the fork still in his mouth. Arthur rolled his eyes and pinched his shirt. “My clothes, Merlin. Do you like them?”

The brunet choked on his cake, pulling the utensil away from his lips and placed them on the edge of a white ceramic plate, entire face completely red. 

“What are you even saying?” Merlin demanded. 

The Alpha simply snorted, one corner of his lips twitched upwards into what seemed like a smirk. Slight irritation bloomed in his mind at that look on his face, scowling. 

“Stop looking so smug, bastard,” Merlin gripped. 

“I’ll give you this hoodie,” Arthur said as he pointed at the blue-worn out hoodie that he was wearing over his shirt. 

“You don’t have to,” Merlin protested. “I don’t need it.”

It was a lie. To be honest, he wanted that hoodie. He could curse his inner self as much as he wanted, but it was still a fact that he liked the idea of getting a new piece of clothing from Arthur, one that smelt strongly of pine trees. His eyes landed on the blue hoodie, fingers twitching as he wondered how soft it would feel against his face. 

Face burning in mortification at that line of thought, he looked away, clearing his throat and dropped his hands on his lap, rubbing the clamminess away. 

“Right,” Arthur said and Merlin didn’t know if he felt relieved for the blond to not press the issue or a little disappointed that he let it go this fast. 

Shaking the confused mix of emotions, he went back to taking another bite of the cake, noting that the Alpha hadn’t had anything to drink or eat. 

“Don’t you want anything to eat or drink?” Merlin asked, feeling self-cautious all of a sudden. 

Arthur shook his head, leaning against his chair, tilting his head to the left a little as he continued to map out Merlin’s face. 

“Can you stop staring at me?” Merlin snapped. 

“Sorry,” Arthur said. “Just—shut up and eat your cake so I can leave already.”

Merlin frowned. “What? We’re just meeting up so you can feed me cake and leave?”

Arthur sighed, rolling his eyes as he bowed his head. “It calms my nerves to see you in person and watch you eating something I bought, okay? Now, can you shut up and finish the damn cake already?”

Wincing at the harshness in his voice, Merlin clenched his fingers tight and reigned in the hurt. It wasn’t like he wanted to be here either, but he still came to accommodate them both. It wasn’t like it was his fault that they were whatever the fuck they were. 

Did Arthur had to take it out on him?

He quickly finished his cake and was about to say something when Arthur stood up, taking the plastic bag with him. Merlin watched him as he walked out of the shop, leaving the Omega behind without another word. The brunet didn’t know why but—he felt _used_. 

He felt unwanted and he hated this feeling. 

Fucking prat.

 

***

 

The second meeting was of a similar fashion. Merlin walked into the cafe and spotted Arthur waiting for him, his eyes closed with a hand supporting his chin. He looked a bit better than the last time he had seen him. When Merlin arrived, there was a slice of cake and a mug of coffee waiting for him again. 

He asked the same question about how Merlin had been but not really listening to his answers. Merlin felt like this transaction was one-sided and he disliked it. 

By the third meeting, it had been three weeks since he met with the prat and with each meeting, he felt worse. Especially when he didn’t have any of the blond’s scent with him. It felt cruel—to be subjected to the Alpha’s presence for twenty-minutes only for him to go without him for a week. His Omega wasn’t happy with it, and he wondered if this had been a good idea at all. 

He rubbed his eyes, having no appetite as he looked at the cake and the mug of coffee. 

“Why aren’t you eating it?” Arthur asked, jolting Merlin out from his thoughts. 

The Omega frowned, pushing the plate away as he sighed, eyeing the Alpha who didn’t look as affected as he was. 

It was so unfair. 

He didn’t understand why his Omega was acting this way, always craving for Arthur and yet, the Alpha didn’t look as bad as he did. 

Was it because Arthur had someone else in his life? 

Someone else for him to get his fill with?

That thought pierced through his mind like a knife, his chest aching and the once feeling of warmth turned into cold ice. He curled his fingers into fists, suddenly feeling tired— _exhausted_ from this routine. He wanted nothing more but to build a nest and snuggle in it, to hide away from the world. 

“Merlin?” Arthur said. 

“I don’t want this,” Merlin said, shaking his head. 

Arthur remained quiet for a second. “Then, what do you want to eat?”

“I don’t want anything,” the brunet said, his shoulders sagging. “I just don’t want to eat.”

“But you have to eat,” Arthur said, his words were slow. 

The tone he used exasperated Merlin. He snapped his gaze to glare at the blond-haired man. 

“I don’t _have_ to do anything,” he hissed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m leaving.”

He stood up, ready to take a step away from the table when Arthur stood up as well, blue-eyes wide and a look of confusion colouring his face. Merlin stared at him, every fibre of his being told him that he should wait for Arthur, listen to what the Alpha had to say—that maybe he would say something worthwhile. 

But when Arthur opened and closed his mouth, saying nothing, Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“See ya,” Merlin said, tossing it over his shoulder and walked away from the cafe.

It wasn’t like he expected Arthur to chase after him but—when he didn’t, Merlin felt his heart sinking to the bottom of his chest. He slapped his chest and sighed, feeling angry at himself for feeling so stupid like this and for his nature that craved an Alpha like him.

He stopped walking, looking over his shoulder, noting that Arthur didn’t come look for him. He had let Merlin walk away from the cafe. 

He scoffed. 

So, maybe he had been testing Arthur a little, to see if he truly cared. Not that he should, they didn’t know anything about each other. But Merlin supposed, he couldn’t deny he expected Arthur to come after him. 

And Arthur didn’t. 

Wasn't that what he wanted?

He didn’t even know about the blond much, he shouldn’t be so preoccupied with him. 

True Pair, his arse. 

This confirmed that those things weren’t real because at the end of the day, Arthur had a lover waiting for him at home and Merlin was nothing but a nuisance that stumbled into his life by accident. 

And he should be relieved that his life wasn’t forced to be tied with Arthur’s—another Alpha’s because of some biology shite. 

But he wasn’t happy. 

He wasn’t relieved. 

Confused and more than tired at his emotions and his instincts not settling down, he forced his legs to walk back home.

 

***

 

Gwaine watched him as Merlin curled on his sofa, staring at the coffee table in his living room. His best friend hummed under his breath, leaning his entire body against the soft cushions. Silence washed into the scene as Merlin waited a verdict from the taller man. 

“Three weeks and all he does is feed you and leaves?” Gwaine asked. 

“Yes,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes as he recalled the disaster that was their last meeting. “He just buys me a stupid cake and coffee, watches me eat them like some freak and then leaves.”

Gwaine made a noise of acknowledgement. “And this upsets you?”

Merlin sighed, pushing himself to sit up next to his best friend and then turning his body so he could really give the issue at hand proper attention. 

“Look,” Merlin said, waving his hands. “I don’t want to waste my time meeting him if he’s just going to stare at me eating.”

Gwaine gave him a look that had Merlin’s face reddening. He scoffed and looked at his hands, pressing them against the cushion. 

“So, what else do you want him to do then?” Gwaine asked. 

Merlin frowned, looking at his friend. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Gwaine said, taking in a deep breath. “You don’t like him watching you eat. So, what do you want him to do, then?”

He lips turned down deeper as he furrowed his eyebrows. “I…I don’t want him to do anything.”

“ _Really_?” the Beta said, his voice full of disbelief. “You’re telling me that you’re upset right now because you don’t want him to do anything?”

Merlin resisted the urge to scream as he flopped his body back on the couch, slamming his legs on Gwaine’s lap, earning a short yelp from his friend. He relaxed when he felt hands grabbing his ankles and giving them a squeeze, a comforting touch. He mulled on that thought, knowing that Gwaine was right.

Why was he so upset?

“Merlin,” Gwaine said. “I thought you don’t want this True Pair business?” 

“I don’t.” Merlin bit his bottom lip. 

“Then, why are you so mad that there’s minimal effort being put into this?” Gwaine asked. 

“It’s just,” Merlin said. “If that’s what he’s doing, he doesn’t have to meet with me.”

Gwaine nodded once. “But he said his instincts demanded you to be near him, right? And yours want him too, I suppose?”

Merlin placed both hands against his face, feeling the heat crawling on his cheeks. He didn’t want to admit it but— “Yes. _Yes_ , okay? My Omega wants him near. It likes his scent and just—it _hurts_ , Gwaine. Meeting only for twenty-minutes and then being left alone for hours and hours, it hurts. It feels like I got abandoned. I know that’s not true because Arthur _isn’t_ my Alpha. He’s _not_ mine. But this fucked up Omega in me thinks he is.”

“He _is_ your Alpha though,” Gwaine said, pointing that out. “He’s _your_ True Pair.”

“That’s just something biology dictated it to be,” Merlin said. “It’s—I don’t _need_ him. He’s not _my_ Alpha. I can live by myself.”

“Then, tell him that,” Gwaine said, halting Melin’s thought process. 

“What?”

“Tell him,” his best friend said, gently pushing his legs away. “If you think this is giving you more harm than anything else, then tell him.”

Merlin sat up, crossing his legs to sit on the sofa properly as he let that settle in his mind. 

Tell Arthur that he didn’t want to meet him anymore?

That option, honestly, never crossed his mind before. 

But now that Gwaine had put that out in the open, his heart squeezed in his chest as he imagined not meeting Arthur anymore. 

“I don’t like that,” he found himself whispering. 

“Then, what _do_ you want?” Gwaine said, catching his attention. 

“What do I want?” Merlin rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I just don’t want an Alpha just because my biology said he’s the ‘right’ Alpha or whatever. And I don’t want to be subjected to being just a—a—”

“A what?” 

A past time. A small boost. 

“An _inconvenience_ ,” Merlin said, frowning, looking at his hands. “I don’t want to be treated like an inconvenience.”

Gwaine wisely didn’t say anything. The Beta reached out and touched the brunet’s shoulder, gripping it before he tugged the Omega close. Merlin didn’t resist it, letting his body to melt against his best friend’s side, grabbing on Gwaine’s arm and looped it over his body so he could hold onto his fingers. 

He huffed a breath, feeling a little bit disgusted at how Omega-like he was acting just because of one stupid Alpha. 

So what if he had been treated like an inconvenience? 

It was the truth, he was one. And Arthur was an inconvenience too. 

_Yet_. 

He closed his eyes for a bit as the Omega within him whined at that, his heart throbbing in his chest. 

“Just,” Merlin said, cracking his eyes a slit. “What am I doing, really, Gwaine?”

“I don’t know,” Gwaine said, sounding sincere, truthful. 

“I feel like I’m playing with myself and just, why did I agree to this craziness in the first place,” Merlin gripped. “He’s _engaged_ , for fuck’s sakes.” He, then, nudged the Beta’s ribs, smiling when Gwaine jolted a little. 

“That hurt!” Gwaine said, pushing him away in order to rub his sides, narrowing his eyes. “What was that for?”

“That’s for encouraging me to agree to that prat’s stupid plan,” Merlin said. “Really, what were you thinking?”

Gwaine sighed, dropping his hand away from rubbing his ribs. “Maybe, Merlin, you just wanted to take a chance at something.” 

Merlin raised his eyebrows at that. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” his best friend said, a smile curling on his face. “Arthur is your True Pair Alpha. It’s natural to want to be near him. Didn’t I tell you once you meet your True Pair, it’ll get harder to be alone? I encouraged you for those reasons, for your inner peace if nothing else.”

“Well,” Merlin mumbled, cheeks pinking as he glared at the small space between the two of them. “It isn’t working, is it? I feel like shite and he looks—he…he doesn’t even look as affected as I am. Does this stupid thing work against Omegas more or something? God, this is fucked up.”

Gwaine shrugged. “I think you should talk to him. Get a word out and let him know why you think it isn’t working out. Maybe you two will find a better solution.”

Merlin snorted. “He’s engaged to a woman he claims to love, Gwaine. He’s not going to help me find a better solution. Who cares if this Omega feels like shite, right?”

Gwaine thinned his lips. “I wish you would stop blaming your secondary gender for something you could solve on your own.”

“Excuse me?” Merlin exclaimed, a little insulted. “I have you know, my secondary gender has brought me nothing but trouble!”

“ _No_ ,” Gwaine said, shaking his head, catching the brunet off guard. “No, Merlin. Maybe it did a long time ago but since A-levels? That’s _you_ holding yourself back. Maybe it’s a good thing your Omega decides to take control now. Maybe it’s time you stopped being a coward and fight for what you want.”

Merlin opened his mouth to protest but Gwaine had stood up then, patting his thighs. “I’m going to head out now. I promised to meet Percival for dinner.”

The Omega watched how his friend flushed a little, his eyes a tad brighter at the mention of the Alpha. 

“Please,” Gwaine said, locking eyes with him. “Promise me you’ll talk to Arthur.”

“What, you can’t—”

“ _Merlin_.” 

The Omega blinked a few times before he looked away, nodding once. With a hand on his hair, tousling the strands, Gwaine left his flat. Merlin huffed and let his body melt sideways against the cushions, allowing what his friend said settle in his mind.

It _hurt_. 

Gwaine’s words hurt. 

Because he knew his friend was right. 

His curled his shaking fingers into fists. 

When he had been in high school, when he had first presented his secondary gender by going into a terrible heat at the age of thirteen, he thought his life ended. Waking up to that smothering heat and the need to grab something soft, to seek comfort taking over his senses, he thought he was about to die. 

Nothing in that home he grew up in smelt like comfort to him—his Omega had felt distressed, upset—didn’t feel _safe_. 

And it didn’t help matters that his mother had tried to keep his secondary gender a secret when she came home from a long shift to find her son writhing in his bed. 

Merlin shuddered as he recalled how his mother rushed out the very second to the closest pharmacy to get some suppressants under her name, shoving a few pills into his hands and forcing him to swallow it down. He remembered with such clarity of how his mother had been at the verge of tears, hugging him tight when the suppressants worked, silencing his inner instincts, mumbling how his father should never be allowed to find out about his nature. 

At fourteen, that changed. 

At fourteen, he lost his mother. 

At fourteen, his father found out about his secondary gender. 

And at fourteen, he saw his father hating him, treating him like the enemy for the first time in his life. 

He touched his stomach and shuddered, tears ran down his face as he shoved that old memories to the back of his mind. 

While that had been his past—he knew that afterwards, every other decision he took in his life was his own. He was the one who sabotaged everything, made sure his Omega instincts never crossed his rationality. 

Until Arthur. 

“Would it be so bad to want someone who truly cares for me?” Merlin asked himself as he took in a shuddering breath. 

Maybe not. 

But he was _scared_ nevertheless. 

Especially when the only Alpha who was supposedly made to care for him—didn’t even want him. 

He laughed a little, bitter. 

Gwaine’s words echoed in his mind. 

If only Merlin knew how to be brave.

 

***

 

Like a true coward he was, while he promised Gwaine he would talk to Arthur about it, he took the loophole of _when_ and didn’t even make an effort to call the blond man. Instead, he missed the meeting of the week, deciding to hole himself up in his apartment.

A whine bubbled in his throat as he lay in bed, curling a little as he touched his stomach, feeling like a mess. His body twitched every now and then, nervousness and jitteriness taking over his body. He took in a few deep breaths, clearing his mind a little only for images of Arthur to flicker in front of his vision, accompanied by the huge wash of want— _need_ —to see him and to smell the scent of pine trees. 

His inner Omega wanted his Alpha’s comfort. Safety. 

But Merlin didn’t allow himself to have that. 

“I’ll be fine,” he whispered to himself, burrowing his face into his pillow. 

He was thankful he didn’t have to work today. 

Merlin glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, noting that it had been four hours since he was supposed to meet Arthur. 

Another wave of need took hold of his senses and he cursed under his breath. 

He didn’t think it would be this bad. 

He thought, worse to worse, it would be just like any other time, with a shallow hum of jitteriness and anxiousness, something he could ignore. 

Not _this_. 

Not this ache in his chest and this disappointment. 

Not with his Omega thumping against the walls of his sanity, asking him to leave his apartment and go see their Alpha. 

“Not _my_ Alpha, you piece of shite,” Merlin gritted out. “Never going to be our Alpha. He’s taken. He’s _taken_. He loves someone else. So, please, why am I so fixated on him? He’s not ours. _Not mine_.”

He hadn’t realised he had a few tears gathering in his eyes until he blinked, a wet trail running down his temples and the bridge of his nose, hitting his pillow. He wiped it, almost angry at himself for this. It was then his phone rang, breaking the tenseness in the air. 

Merlin’s heart skipped a beat, his breathing stopped for a second. 

He scrambled to sit up, his hands already grabbing on the ringing device before he could think about it. His thumb hovered the answer button when he read the caller ID, his heart now beating louder in his ears. 

He could ignore it. 

But, he didn’t. 

He answered it, knots in his stomach as he placed the phone against his ear. He curled his free hand into a fist and placed them on his lap, looking at his pillow. 

“ _Where_ are you?” Arthur’s voice filtered through, sounding tired and if Merlin could guess, upset. 

His heartstrings tugged at that and the brunet took in a deep breath, gathering all of his strength to speak without his voice shaking. 

“Home,” he said, not finding any reasons to actually lie to the man. 

“Why aren’t you here?” Arthur said. 

“Where?” Merlin said, biting his inner cheek when he heard a harsh sigh following immediately after from the other side. 

“ _Where_ ,” Arthur said, repeating the word with such nonchalance, it made Merlin want to curl on his bed and hide away from facing him ever again. “Where. That’s funny, I just thought we made a deal to meet every once a week. So, Merlin, why the _hell_ are you not here?”

Merlin remained quiet for a second before he sagged his shoulders, feeling defeat crawling into his veins. “I didn’t want to go.”

Arthur didn’t say anything for a second. “ _Why_?”

“I,” the brunet began before he closed his mouth shut, glaring at his bedsheets.

“You _what_?” Arthur said, impatience clearly colouring his voice. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Merlin took in a sharp breath as the words finally left his mouth. 

His relief was short-lived however when it was immediately followed by the feeling of regret, overwhelming him so much that it had him bending his body so he could lay his head on the pillow, closing his eyes shut. 

“ _Excuse me_?” the Alpha said, this time his voice was filled with confusion and agitation. “Have you forgotten that you’re not the only one in this mess?”

“I know!” Merlin snapped, frowning. “I _know_. And…and I’m sorry you’re dragged into this. But—maybe it’s best if we don’t meet. Maybe it’ll take a while but maybe—”

“Maybe _nothing_!” Arthur hissed, sending a shiver running down the brunet’s spine. “You’re making this worse for me and for you. How selfish can you get? This isn’t just about you, Merlin. This is about my life too. I didn’t ask to meet with you every week. But I can’t just ignore it, either. I have a life I’m putting on hold that I need to get back to. I _have_ to do this. I—”

“Stop yelling at me!” Merlin yelled back, pushing himself to sit up as he breathed out harshly, eyes burning with unshed tears. 

Hearing Arthur’s voice gradually becoming louder and becoming more displeased twisted a metaphorical knife in his chest that had his Omega whining in his head. The hurt that washed within him made him breathless and it wasn’t like he cared if Arthur was upset but—

That was the problem, wasn’t it?

He cared what Arthur felt. 

“Don’t keep blaming it on me!” Merlin continued, his voice shaking a little. “You don’t have to do shite! I don’t need to be meeting with you every week, my so-called True Pair Alpha, who was _supposed_ to be fucking _mine but isn’t_ , only to be treated like a drag, an inconvenience, for a twenty-minutes boost and then leave me for days. What’s worse, I feel horrible every time you leave after shoving a stupid cake to me as if that’ll be enough to appease whatever the fuck my instincts want. So, I’m sorry that I don't want to feel like this anymore and I’m sorry that hurts your Alpha ego. But that’s how it is and you have no right to yell at me like I’m the cause of it!”

He had no idea he had been yelling so much until the silence washed into the scene, shooing away any noise, almost deafening him. His cheeks reddened and he bit his bottom lip, blinking a few times as apprehension, and embarrassment took root in his mind. 

God. 

Why did he have to say all of that?

He wanted to groan, wishing for the world to open up a hole and swallow him whole. 

“I see,” Arthur said, catching his attention. “I wasn’t aware you were experiencing that.”

Merlin tried to detect what the man was feeling but he wasn’t sure. Arthur’s tone was careful, different from before. 

“I,” Merlin said, his throat suddenly dry. “I—don’t like it when you yell at me or—or—I know you have no obligation to treat me anything more than just an inconvenience. Trust me, I know that feeling. It isn’t like we both wanted this but. But—I.”

“You’re not satisfied with just that,” Arthur said, pulling out his exact thoughts and putting it out there. 

Merlin fidgeted where he sat, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry.”

“No,” Arthur said, voice softer than before. “I should be the one to apologise. I—didn’t think. I didn’t know it affected you more. And from our last few interactions, I presumed you would want little to do with me as possible.”

“You wanted as little to do with me as possible too,” Merlin said.

“Yes,” Arthur said. “Because I _cannot_ do this, Merlin. This wasn’t planned. My wedding’s in less than four months and I just have a lot on my plate. You weren’t supposed to appear.”

“It’s not like I wanted this to happen either,” Merlin deadpanned. 

His heart ached, closing his eyes for a second as he tried not to think of Arthur standing on the altar, waiting for someone to marry—someone that _wasn’t_ him. 

He snapped open his eyes, his face reddening as he swallowed a gasp that threatened to escape his lips. 

Come on, Merlin. This True Pair business had him thinking weird thoughts now. 

But, maybe, if he truly let himself be honest, there was a small part of him that felt like it was horribly unfair he had to give up on the man that was supposed to be made for him. 

Instead, someone else was going to have him. 

“I know,” Arthur said. “I’m sorry, I raised my voice and took my frustrations out on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said, holding back the urge to pout. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled as well. Or not notify you about me not coming.”

“Yes, I’ve waited for you for two hours before I realised you weren’t coming,” Arthur said, a weak laugh echoed into Merlin’s ear, seizing his heart. 

“You waited for me for two hours?” Merlin asked, eyes wide. 

Guilt bloomed in his chest and he felt like a total tool. 

“Yes,” Arthur said, clearing his throat. “Just, I needed to see you—my _instincts_ wanted to see you, I mean.”

“Oh,” Merlin said, ignoring the disappointment that trickled into his mind. “Sorry.”

Arthur hummed, sighing after a while. “We still need to see each other. And from what you said, it clearly has to be longer than a couple of minutes.”

Merlin sat straighter. “You still want to see me?”

“We have to,” Arthur said. “Maybe you’re right, maybe if we ignored each other, this itch to look for you would go away but—I don’t want to take that risk right now, not when I could keep it down for a while to focus on other things.”

Merlin bit his tongue from asking: ‘You’re just using me, then.’ because at the end of the day, wasn’t that what Merlin was doing too?

He didn’t want to steal Arthur away from whoever it was he was marrying. 

He didn’t want an Alpha in his life—even though as the days crept by, Arthur’s face and scent became engrained in his brain and he knew, with dread that no other man could compete with him for the rest of the brunet’s life. 

But he would keep these confusing thoughts down. 

He could do this. 

And if Arthur just wanted to see him for a while to have a smoother life then, Merlin found himself wanting to give that to him. 

Was this him or his instincts talking?

He didn’t know and he didn’t have the energy to analyse it right now. 

“So, what then?” Merlin asked.

“Tomorrow,” Arthur said. “We’ll meet tomorrow. And—we’ll go out. Do whatever you want.”

“I’m not some sugar baby,” Merlin said, huffing a breath. “Also, I have work.”

It earned a small laugh from Arthur. 

Merlin placed a hand over his face, feeling how his face was heating up, warming his chest. 

“Tomorrow, Merlin,” Arthur said. “I’ll pick you up _after_ your work. We’ll spend longer time together.”

The brunet couldn’t find it in himself to argue, instead, he felt the jitteriness and nervousness fading away to the background, something akin to contentment took over his body. A smile threatened to blossom on his face but he managed to keep it down by biting his bottom lip. 

“Okay,” Merlin said.

 

***

 

Merlin was nervous. 

He shouldn’t be nervous, he knew that but he still was. 

The Omega couldn’t really concentrate on his work, making newbie mistakes, cheeks reddening as his children stared at him with curious gazes. He could only smile weakly at them as he stuttered out an apology, trying to make amends on the mistakes. 

Like accidentally squeezing a bottle of green paint too strongly until the paint squirted to the floor, making a mess. 

He rubbed a hand down his face as he finished cleaning the mess, tossing the wet towel on a tray on his desk, making a note to wash and dry it. The Omega jolted a little when he heard one of his children calling for him, looking to his right where a boy with green eyes and a cute frown on his chubby face looking at him. 

“Yes, Charles?” Merlin asked, crouching down to look at his kid, blinking when Charles took a step towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Please be okay.”

The words pierced through his chest as he stared at the little boy in front of him. 

“I’m okay,” he said, his heart skipping a beat when the boy relaxed, nodding once. 

“Okay,” Charles said, a smile on his face, his green eyes now a tad brighter. 

As he walked away from his teacher, Merlin couldn’t help but to stare at the spot where the boy had been, his stomach squeezing. He pressed a shaky hand against his mouth as the burning longing for a child—for a family—for love resurfaced, seizing him without a warning.

He sighed, voice trembling as he stood up to announce that it was almost time to go back home and they should start cleaning up. Letting them go today had been extra tough on him, watching as how their parents came to pick them up, smiling and chattering happily as the kids talked, animatedly, while some hugged them tight. 

Merlin’s arms felt empty. 

His heart felt empty. 

He touched his stomach before he curled his fingers into a fist, forcibly pushing away any thoughts of children and—want out of his mind. He glanced at the wall clock in his now empty classroom, noting that it was time for him to leave as well, cheeks reddening a little as he recalled who was waiting for him. 

If the longing in him deepened because of that, he swiftly ignored it. 

Merlin glanced at his phone, noting that Arthur hadn’t contacted him. 

Yet, he knew the man was already here, waiting for him. 

A second after the thought entered his mind, his phone chimed. 

Merlin took his phone, a smile threatened to bloom on his face when he received a text from Arthur, a simple: I’m here, on it. 

The Omega sighed, bowing his head a little as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“This isn’t going to end well,” Merlin whispered to himself. 

Instead of dwelling on the thought any longer, he grabbed his bag and exited the room, making sure the door to his classroom was locked. With a deep breath, he walked out of his workplace, waving at the security guards per usual, his eyes searching for the blond-haired man. 

And he found him. 

Leaning against his expensive-looking car, wearing a shirt and over it, the familiar blue worn out-hoodie and a pair of black jeans and sneakers, there was Arthur. The man was fiddling with his phone, his sunglasses covering his eyes. The brunet found himself stop walking just to look at him. 

His heart picked up speed, his face heating up when Arthur raised his head as if he was aware of the brunet’s presence. The jitteriness that made him feel restless, uncomfortable, vanished. It went away the second Arthur pushed his sunglasses over his head and those ocean-blue eyes met his icy-blue ones. 

The same sensation of the world righting itself up occurred to the brunet. 

The warmth and comfort he sought out these couple of days felt closer now, within reach. 

All he had to do was walk a little closer to Arthur. 

Curling his fingers on the strap of his bag, he did just that, noting that with each step he took, his Omega stopped whining and became more relaxed.

The ache in his chest was leaving too. 

“Hey,” Arthur said, voice soft. 

Merlin cleared his throat once he was five steps away from Arthur, nodding once. “Hi.”

They were silent for a while before the Alpha said, “How have you been?”

Merlin shrugged. “Guess.”

“Terrible, then,” he said. “Come on, get in. Let’s go.”

Merlin hesitated only for a second, remembering the last time he rode in Arthur’s car. His cheeks burned red as he bit his bottom lip, acutely aware that he was entering a small space with Arthur’s scent permeating in the air. The Alpha didn’t wait for him as he got into the car. Merlin huffed a breath, nervousness fluttering in his veins as he walked to the other side of the vehicle, opening the passenger seat door. 

Immediately, the scent of pine tree entered his nose and he froze. 

The stress of everything melted away and he relaxed, something weird building at the back of his throat. He forced his body to move as he settled into the seat, closing the door shut next to him. The smell of pine tree now completely enveloped him and he found his body relaxing into the seat, a sigh escaping his lips. 

“Wear your seatbelt,” Arthur said.

Before the brunet could do so, the Alpha leaned over the Omega, pulling the seatbelt over his smaller frame and locked it in place. Merlin froze, the distance between their body was so small right now that if he nudged upwards just a little, he would be pressed against the strong figure. 

With Arthur’s neck just a little bit away from Merlin’s nose, the pine tree scent was now stronger than ever, taking the brunet off guard. 

He bit his inner cheek as he realised a purr was threatening to make itself known. 

A little freaked out at his body’s urges, he turned his head away, closing his eyes shut.

“Merlin?” Arthur said. 

His voice was close, and Merlin could feel his body warmth radiating on him even through these layers of clothes. A weird noise escaped his lips as he snapped open his eyes and turning his head, their noses brushing. Arthur looked surprised, pulling away immediately. The sudden loss of the strong scent had Merlin almost whining. He clenched his fingers into fists as he looked at the blond-haired man, who was now looking away with cheeks pinked. 

Arthur cleared his throat. “Where do you want to go?”

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, slightly confused at the change of demeanour. It was when Arthur glanced at him, his eyebrows raised did the brunet snap into reality. 

“Oh, uh,” Merlin stuttered out, looking at his lap as his face warmed again. “I don’t know. Anywhere’s fine.”

“Alright,” Arthur said. 

And they were silent for a while as the Alpha started to drive. Merlin berated himself, slightly ashamed that he had been so affected by Arthur so quickly. But as he remained in the small space with his supposedly True Pair Alpha, he found himself wanting to stay there. The silence that washed into the scene was awkward at first but then slowly became comfortable, safe. 

Merlin found himself wanting to close his eyes, inhaling the pine-tree smell, filling up his lungs and calming him down. 

He bit his bottom lips, chancing a glance at Arthur who had his eyes firmly ahead. 

“How did you find out where I work?” Merlin asked, unable to stop his mouth from running. 

“I looked you up,” Arthur said, one corner of his lips twisted upwards. 

Merlin frowned, sitting up straighter. “How did you look me up?”

“Connections,” Arthur said with a shrug. 

Slight uneasiness made itself known in his mind making Merlin suddenly nervous at what he was about to find out. 

“What connections?”

Arthur frowned then. He looked at Merlin once they were at a red light. He angled his body slightly so that he was facing the brunet, searching his face. 

“My connections,” he said, his words were slow. 

“Yes, what connections are they? Why do you have connections to search me up?” Merlin asked. 

Arthur frowned deeper, his eyes narrowed before he shook his head, a sigh escaping his lips. “You don’t know who I am.”

Merlin blinked. “What?”

“You don’t recognise me?” Arthur asked, sounding incredulous. 

“No?” Merlin said. “Am I supposed to?”

Arthur opened his mouth for a second before he closed it. “Never mind, it’s not important. If you’re worried I’m involved with something unsavoury, then don’t worry. I’m not.”

“Oh,” Merlin said. “Then, what do you work as?”

“A lawyer,” Arthur said, looking back to the road as the red light turned green. 

Merlin hummed, the nervousness was replaced with relief. A lawyer. His True Pair Alpha was a lawyer. That was a good job, he mused in his mind. A tough one too—judging on which field he was currently in. And lawyers had connections, didn’t they? 

That could be what Arthur meant when he said he looked the brunet up. 

“What type of a lawyer are you?” he asked. 

“Corporate lawyer,” Arthur said. “And you, a kindergarten teacher?”

Merlin grinned. “Yes.”

“Love kids, then?” the Alpha asked, his voice light. 

“Yes,” Merlin said, trying to tamper down the excitement that crawled into his words. “I love them. They’re brilliant, innocent and just—It makes me want to protect them, teach them to become a better generation than the previous ones. Even if I’m a kindergarten teacher, I believe that if I could make even a little difference in making them happier, healthier then…I’m happy.”

“I can see that,” Arthur said, nodding once. 

Merlin’s heart clenched in his chest when the Alpha glanced at him, tossing a brilliant smile. It made him look younger, warmer and for the first time in a while, the brunet found himself—not his instincts—but himself to keep that smile up there on that face for a little while longer. 

“I just love children,” Merlin mumbled, feeling self-cautious as he looked away. 

“That’s great, Merlin,” Arthur said. “I’m not sure if I like them or not, myself.”

The brunet perked up at that, curiosity mingling in his mind. “So, you don’t want kids of your own, then?”

He bit his inner cheeks, wondering if that question crossed any invisible lines Arthur had put up. 

The Alpha didn’t look bothered by it though, simply shrugging. “I’m not sure. I know I might need to have one one day but—I’m not sure if I want to.”

Merlin frowned. “What do you mean?”

Arthur didn’t say anything for a second before he said, “What about you? Do you want kids of your own?”

The brunet deflated a little at Arthur’s deflection. A little disappointed, perhaps, that the Alpha didn’t answer him. Deciding not to press on the issue, he answered, “Yes, I would like to have a child of my own.”

Arthur hummed, not saying anything else for a while. “Gwen doesn’t want a kid.”

“Gwen?”

“My fiancée,” Arthur clarified when Merlin looked at him with confusion colouring on his face.

The brunet clamped his lips shut, heart throbbing in his chest. 

_Gwen_.

The woman who Arthur was going to marry, who he loved. 

“Oh,” Merlin said, clutching at his own fingers, keeping his gaze firmly on them. “Why not?”

“She doesn’t like the idea of children,” Arthur said. “Can’t blame her for not wanting one. They’re not the easiest to raise. I’m not even sure if I’m father material.”

“You could learn to be,” Merlin blurted out, closing his eyes shut. 

God, could Merlin just shut up?

“I guess,” Arthur said, voice quiet. 

Merlin had this nagging question burning at the back of his mind since he found out Arthur had a woman that he loved. He wondered what type of a woman she was, if she made the man the happiest he had ever been—who was she and what was she. 

“Is she an Omega too?” Merlin said, opening his eyes. 

Arthur tensed for a brief moment. “No, she’s a Beta.”

Merlin’s eyes widened at that. He snapped his head to look at him, opening his mouth only to close it again when he noticed how rigid the Alpha was. 

“Okay,” was all Merlin could say. 

It wasn’t uncommon for an Alpha to willingly want to be with a Beta. It wasn’t—but it was still a hard pill to swallow when Merlin’s inner Omega felt offended—felt like they lost their Alpha to a Beta. There was nothing wrong between an Alpha and a Beta couple. They were just as human as the rest of everyone. 

It was just—Arthur was _his_ Alpha. 

Merlin resisted the urge to bite on his thumb at that thought. 

No matter how he tried to ignore it, that was the truth, wasn’t it?

Arthur was his Alpha. 

But he belonged to a _Beta_. 

A Beta woman. 

He took in a shuddering breath in, ignoring how his heart ached. 

“We’re here,” Arthur said, catching Merlin’s attention. 

The brunet looked outside of the tinted windows, noting that they were in a place he wasn’t familiar with. He grabbed his bag and exited the car, coming face-to-face with a small, quaint building, hidden away from the traffic and crowds of the main city. It looked homely as well, not many people inside the small restaurant. He shut the door and took a step onto the pavement, waiting for Arthur to stand by his side. 

“Come on,” the Alpha said he walked past by him to the door, pushing it inside. 

Merlin followed him in, immediately taking in how quiet the scene was. There were only a couple of people dining, but what really put Merlin at ease with the establishment Arthur chose were the scent in the air that smelt like pastries and tomato pasta. 

It was a weird combination but it smelt like—home. 

Like how a home was supposed to smell like. 

Arthur chose a table near the windows where Merlin could see that there were other shop lots in front of this place. Though, there weren’t as many people as he thought there would be. He sat down, making sure to place his bag on the ground, near the legs of his chair. Arthur sat down as well, flagging down a waiter for the menu. 

“This is a nice place,” Merlin said, thanking the waiter who gave him one plastic-card menu. 

“I come here often,” Arthur said. “It’s a calming place to be when you need to get away from life.”

Merlin could agree with that. This place just oozed of zen. 

He looked at the menu, noting that even the prices weren’t terribly expensive, sighing a little in relief. 

“What do you usually get here?” Merlin asked. 

“Whatever that catches my interest,” Arthur replied. 

The brunet raised his eyes, a smile crossed his face when he saw that Arthur was smiling a little as well, despite his eyes firmly on the menu in his hands. 

Merlin looked back at the card, unsure of what to pick. There were just too many things here he wanted to try. 

An idea popped into his head, his cheeks reddening as he entertained it. 

It wasn’t like this was the older days. 

But—he found himself wanting this. 

He wanted Arthur to do this. 

Was he actually going to ask the Alpha to do this?

Shouldn’t he ask the Omega inside him to shut up?

The thought of a Beta woman taking up that space that was meant to be his flooded his mind and he gripped on the card tighter, frowning a little. 

With a deep breath, he placed the card on the table and looked at the Alpha. 

“I’m not sure what to get so,” Merlin said, catching his attention. 

Arthur stared him for a few seconds before his shoulders sagged, a smile appeared on his face as his ocean-blue eyes twinkled in relief. 

It looked like Merlin had made the right choice, stifling the urge to sigh in relief as well. 

“Right,” Arthur said, sitting up straighter. 

With that, the blond-haired man called up the same waiter to order for the both of them. Merlin watched him carefully, noting that the Alpha was at ease, not one ounce of stress in his body. 

“Thanks,” Merlin said. 

“No, uh,” Arthur said, rubbing the back of his neck as a sheepish look crossed his face. “Thanks, for that. I—needed that.”

“To help me out with the menu?” Merlin tilted his head to the side a bit, smiling when Arthur snorted.

“No, you know what I mean,” Arthur said. “My instincts. I needed to do that.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “It’s not like my instincts isn't demanding you to take care of me.”

“Right, yes.” Arthur nodded. 

They were quiet for a while, both not making a move to speak. Merlin didn’t know what to say to the man in front of him. He hadn’t really gotten a proper chance to speak to Arthur. 

He fidgeted in his seat, wracking through his brain for a topic to speak up on when Arthur cut him to the chase. 

“Would spending at least a few hours together be enough?” Arthur asked. 

Merlin let that question register in his brain before he frowned. “I…I don’t know. I guess?”

The blond-haired man searched his face before he looked away. “I don’t think I can spend a lot of time with you every time we meet but I’ll try my best.”

Merlin thinned his lips, flicking his gaze to the red and white chequered table cloth, picking at the loose strings. 

He didn’t reply but he found that he didn’t like the idea of meeting Arthur only once a week. 

It felt—unfair. 

Merlin wisely didn’t voice those out. 

“Alright,” he said, at last. “If that’ll be good for you too.”

“It is,” Arthur said. “I’ll be fine. I’m just—I need it to be okay for you too.”

When the icy-blue eyes met his ocean-blue ones, Merlin saw something like worry in them. It shouldn’t make his heart flutter but it did. 

He could already feel a little bit better than the previous times he had met the blond-haired man. 

“I’ll be fine,” he assured Arthur. 

The Alpha looked at him, eyes dragging all over his face before he nodded. They didn’t speak much, but the silence was comfortable as their food arrived. They ate and Arthur made sure Merlin was eating properly, flagging down the waiter once in awhile to make sure Merlin’s cup was never empty of drinks, his food tasted good, if he liked the food—

Merlin found it a little amusing to watch the man fuss about him. 

And another part of him, the now growing part of him, preened under the attention, liked it. 

In return, Merlin found himself watching Arthur carefully, glancing at him from his food once in a while to make sure the Alpha was eating. 

When they finished eating, Arthur paid the bills without asking Merlin. It irked the Omega a little but he let it go, not in the mood to ruin this soft atmosphere between them. He would be lying to himself, and he had been an expert at lying to oneself, if he said that he didn’t like Arthur taking care of him. 

Was this how it felt like to be an Omega? To let his instincts take control for once?

He shook that thought away from his head because he knew that he couldn’t let himself get used to it. 

It wasn’t like he would be getting this forever. 

He swallowed the bitter feeling that crawled in his throat. 

“Come on,” Arthur said as he stood up after handing the waiter his payment. 

Merlin didn’t argue with him and did just that, following the blond-haired man out of the restaurant. He chanced a glance at what the establishment was called. He made a note in his head to come down here next time, he rather enjoyed the food as well. 

“Let’s take a walk,” Arthur told him, catching his attention. 

Merlin blinked, clutching his bag as he placed the shoulder strap over his body. “Walk?”

“There’s a small park not far from here,” Arthur said. “We could take a walk.”

Merlin preferred if they could sit down close, if he was being honest. But he didn’t want to push his luck, so he agreed with a nod. Arthur walked then, glancing at the brunet once when Merlin hesitated to follow him. 

“If you don’t want to,” Arthur started. 

“No, it’s fine, let’s go.”

The walk was nice, Merlin admitted. They once again didn’t speak much but just being near Arthur made him feel better than he had felt in the past few weeks. He felt like he could get away with one week without the Alpha next to him. 

Even though he didn’t like that idea. 

When the sky was darkening, a clear sign that it was getting late, the brunet knew that it was time he got back home. 

He didn’t decline the ride back home when Arthur extended it to him. 

“Thanks for today,” Merlin said as they reached near his flat. 

Arthur chuckled a little, smiling at the brunet. “Did you like it? Today, I mean.”

“It was nice.” Merlin nodded, smiling back at the Alpha when he noticed how his ocean-blue eyes twinkled in mirth and if he let himself believe, happiness. 

“Well, good.” 

Merlin touched the door handle, ready to open it only to stop when Arthur touched his arm. It was just a graze of his fingers but it still lit Merlin’s body up in a way that had him wanting to gasp. Cheeks reddening, he looked at the blond, eyebrows raised. 

“Here,” Arthur said, taking off the hoodie he had been wearing all day. 

Merlin’s eyes widened when the blond-haired man handed it over to him. The brunet opened his mouth to protest but Arthur simple shook his head, placing it over his lap. 

“Take it,” he said. “I know you need it.”

Merlin’s face reddened as he clamped his lips shut, unable to disagree. He hoped his longer wavy strands of his hair covered some parts of his eyes as his fingers touched the soft material. He knew that if he pressed the hoodie against his nose, his lungs, mind, body would be filled with the pine tree scent he loved so much. 

He gripped on the material tightly, unable to relinquish his hold it now that he had that thought floating in his mind. 

“Then,” Merlin said, his heart hammering against his chest. “Have this.”

“What? No, I think—”

Arthur’s protest died in his mouth when Merlin shook his head, unzipping his bag to take out his favourite neck scarf. He had worn it lately because of the cold and while he would never let this particular one out of his sight, he wanted to give it to Arthur. He handed it to the blond-haired man, avoiding eye contact.

For a horrid second, he thought Arthur wouldn’t take it. Would reject it. 

Would reject his scent. 

But then the Alpha slowly took it away from his grasp, gripping it tight. When Merlin looked at him, his heart skyrocketed in his chest at the look the Alpha was giving him. 

It was serious, his eyes a shade darker and his cheeks reddening a little. His shoulders were taut and while it usually meant that he wasn’t in a good mood, something about this though—Merlin thought this was something else. 

The air between them shifted as they stared at each other. 

“Thanks,” Arthur said, breaking eye contact, looking at the scarf in his hands. 

It was then a ringtone resounded in the air, shocking Merlin. Arthur immediately placed the scarf on his lap and stretched his body a little to wiggle out his phone from his jeans’ pockets. He furrowed his eyebrows as he answered the call. Merlin could hear a frantic voice answering, loud even when the call wasn’t on loudspeaker. 

“Gwen, _Gwen_ , calm down,” Arthur said, voice tight. 

Merlin’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach as he watched Arthur’s facial expression becoming pinched and worried. 

“I need you to breathe, okay? I’m on my way,” Arthur said. “Which hospital are you at?”

It was then Merlin knew he should leave. So, he did. He got out of the car and slammed the door shut. With the hoodie in his hands, he watched how the vehicle backed away and sped off.

Merlin sighed, hugging the hoodie against his chest, resisting the need to bury his face into the cloth. 

Arthur belonged to Gwen. 

He would belong to her. 

Not him. 

The day was still good for him, Merlin noted. At least he had that prat for a couple of hours with him. And now, had a piece of Merlin with him. A possessive side of him, the Omega part of him was a little smug that Arthur had accepted his scarf.

Now, a little bit of Merlin was with the Alpha too. 

Something that Gwen wouldn’t be able to understand about scents and whatnot, being a Beta. 

God, when had he become so pitiful?

 

***

 

Gwaine had sounded proud when Merlin called him that night to tell him about what happened, about the day he had with Arthur. 

“I told you it’ll work out,” Gwaine said, sounding smug from the other side of his phone. 

“He still went to see Gwen, Gwaine,” Merlin said, frowning as he stared at his phone lying in the middle of his bed, curling his legs against his chest as he sat against his pillows. 

“He still spent the day with you,” Gwaine said. “I count that for something.”

“You really want me to become a home-wrecker, huh?” Merlin said, dryly. 

“I’m not saying you have to be in an affair with him. I’m just saying—he’s _your_ Alpha. No one is going to come in between a True Pair.”

Merlin snorted as he tugged Arthur’s hoodie closer over his body. He felt a little ashamed that he had caved in so soon with the hoodie. After taking a quick shower, he had word a baggy shirt with his boxers on, pulling the hoodie on his body. Just like he suspected, the smell of pine trees was strong, keeping the emptiness in his chest away. 

“It’ll be unfair to her, Gwaine,” Merlin said, sounding a little bitter. “She met him first. She loved him first.”

“What’s unfair to me is that she got your Alpha,” Gwaine said. 

“He’s _not_ my Alpha,” Merlin mumbled. “Never will be. He loves _her_.”

Gwaine didn’t say anything for a second. “Either way, maybe this will be good for you. Even if it’s not Arthur, maybe it’ll help you get out there again, meet someone great. _Love_.”

Merlin hummed, sighing. “How about you? How are you and Percival going?”

Gwaine laughed, bright, causing Merlin to smile. “It’s going great! Hey, want to meet him?”

Merlin perked at that. “Yes, of course.”

“I’ll be seeing him tomorrow at our usual cafe,” Gwaine said. “Tag along. He wants to meet you too.”

“Meeting the friends already, huh,” Merlin teased. 

Gwaine chuckled. “He’s a wonderful guy, Merlin. You’ll see.”

Merlin hoped he was. He wanted the best for his best friend. This Percival guy better exceed his expectations.

 

***

 

Percival had a kind face, a little bit of stubble and a pair of warm eyes. He had a smile that could be close to sweet, too sweet. He was built like a tank though, Merlin noted as he eyed his arms. But he didn’t look intimidating, his dark blond hair slicked back. The brunet shook his hand when he stood in front of them, eyeing the Alpha. 

“This is Percival,” Gwaine said, sitting next to the Alpha with a grin. “Perce, that’s Merlin, my best bud.”

“Nice to meet you, Merlin,” Percival said. 

Even his voice was soft, kind. Merlin felt his resolve to judge this Alpha wavering. 

“Do you want anything?” Gwaine asked. 

“No, I’m fine,” Merlin said, smiling at his friend as he took a seat opposite of them. “So, I heard from Gwaine that you think you both are True Pair.”

“Yes,” Percival said, glancing at Gwaine as a soft look crossed his face. “It is him, I’m sure of it.”

Merlin hummed. “That’s fine and all but the real question remains. Do you like him for him? Not because of the True Pair stuff, but without your instincts driving you, do you like Gwaine?”

Percival’s cheeks reddened a little as he looked at Gwaine in the eyes, a sweet smile crossed his face. “You might not believe this, or you might think this is too soon but—I’ve loved him the minute I saw him. And this is just an opinion from a man, not from his instincts.”

Gwaine’s own face reddened but Merlin saw how happy it made his friend with that reply. 

Merlin grinned, his heart warming at the quick response. The tight reign of suspicion and wariness melted away, letting himself trust Percival a little. “That’s a bold statement.”

“Merlin,” Gwaine said, raising his eyebrows. He nudged Percival. “This lad here met his True Pair too, don’t let him fool you with his ‘I don’t believe in True Pair’ talk.”

“You don’t?” Percival said, looking at Merlin a little surprised. “Also, congratulations on meeting your True Pair.”

“Nah,” Merlin said with a shrug. “Nothing to congratulate me about. He’s engaged.”

Percival frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Merlin nodded, feeling his throat constricting tight at that. “Well, nothing we can do about that. And, yes, I don’t believe in them. I—don’t know about now, specifically now that I met him but. I never believed in them before. Thought they were a myth, honestly.”

Percival blinked. “But it’s _not_ a myth.”

He recalled Arthur saying the same thing when they met properly that first time, as well. He frowned. 

“But it is,” he said. “Isn’t it?”

“It’s not,” Percival said, sounding a little wary. “I’m not sure why you would think so but everyone knows that it’s something real. It doesn’t happen to everyone, sure, but it happens.”

Merlin winced, looking at the table. 

“May I ask why you would think it’s a myth?” Percival asked, his words were careful. 

His parents had always drilled it into his head about the nature of a True Pair. Told him since young that True Pairs didn’t exist and it was just a myth, a story told to children so they would sleep. 

Along the way, he supposed he convinced himself that it was just that—a _story_. 

A myth. 

“It’s fine,” Merlin said, raising his head to look at them. “I know better now.”

Percival didn’t push for answers, nodding once but Merlin felt Gwaine’s stare boring into him. 

“It’s quite a coincidence that my best friend found his True Pair as well,” Percival said, changing the subject. “It’s probably the year of True Pairs or something.”

“Your best friend did, huh,” Merlin said. 

“Yes,” Percival said. “He came over to my house one day, looking flushed and exhausted. Told me he met his True Pair and that his True Pair went into heat immediately. His mate went into heat in a public place, even. That poor lad. Arthur made sure he got him back home safely. Never seen him that agitated and protective before. Not even when it concerned Guinevere.”

Merlin’s heart stopped beating for a second, eyes wide as he stared at Percival. 

Gwaine opened his mouth and closed it, looking as shocked. 

Percival frowned a little. “Is there a problem?”

“Arthur?” Merlin said. “Blond hair, blue eyes, acts like a prat half of the time, Alpha, Arthur?”

“Yes?” Percival said before his own eyes widened. “Wait, you’re _that_ Merlin?”

“Wow, what a small world,” Gwaine said, laughing a little. 

Merlin tossed a look at his best friend. 

“Ah, Merlin,” Percival said, wincing a little. “You’re Arthur’s Pair, huh.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, huffing a breath. 

The silence that washed into the scene was a little awkward until Percival cleared his throat. 

“I hope Arthur’s been treating you alright,” he said. “He’s a good guy, really.”

“He’s a good guy, sure,” Merlin said, sighing. “But he’s engaged. I’m just wondering how long this will keep us both tied together.”

“A bond between a True Pair won’t go away that easily.” Percival frowned. “Told Arthur the same thing but—“

“It’s fine,” Merlin said, clenching his jaw. “He loves Gwen. He wants to marry her. Bond or not, it’ll work out.”

Percival looked like he wanted to protest but then must have thought otherwise when he looked away. “ _Right_ ,” said, sounding a bit off. 

Merlin didn’t look into the tone of the Alpha, deciding it was for the best they moved on from this topic completely. 

Gwaine caught his eyes, searching his face before he broke the silence with something completely dumb, breaking the weird atmosphere. 

The brunet sighed internally, thanking his best friend in his head. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: And here it is! The long chapter 4, just as promised! I'm a little nervous for this chapter haha, but I hope you guys like it anyways. Thank you so much for the continuous support, you guys!! Thank you for the read, kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions! Until the next chapter which again will be in between 2-4 days! Until the next chapter~ -Krystal

 

 

Something felt off. 

Merlin wasn’t sure what it was, but there was a nagging feeling that something was off. 

Maybe it was because he hadn’t heard from Arthur since that day, or maybe it was because after the meeting with Percival, he had begun to analyse his own emotions and thoughts regarding the True Pair. 

Either way, when he woke up that day, hugging onto Arthur’s hoodie, he felt off. He buried his nose into the blue cloth, frowning when he found that the smell was fading. It was no longer holding onto that strong, calming scent. It was then he felt the jitteriness resurfacing from underneath his skin, covering his mind as well. 

Taking in a shuddering deep breath, he grabbed his phone from his bedside table to check on the messages, noting with disappointment that they weren’t any texts from the Alpha. He wondered what could have had happened. Sure, Arthur never actively tried to call him or keep in touch with him besides the weekly meetings, but he was sure that after that meeting last week, Arthur would at least text him _something_. 

Merlin hovered over the keyboard, wondering if he should send a text. 

At the end, he decided to go for it, sending a quick: _When will we meet next?_

It _had_ been a week, maybe it was Merlin’s turn to reach out to the Alpha. 

Tossing his phone next to him, he got out of bed and went on with his day. It was only by lunchtime did he realise that Arthur never texted him back. 

It made him feel a little upset, if he was being honest but he chalked it up with the Alpha being busy. He went to work, and when he got out of work, he still hadn’t gotten a reply back. 

Scratching the back of his neck, he went back to his flat, feeling the jittery feeling he thought he had curbed for a little while returning. As the hours ticked by, the longer he went without Arthur texting him back, or even setting up the next appointment, the more restless Merlin became. 

By the time dinner rolled around, Merlin was staring at his phone, munching on his grilled chicken in the kitchen. He frowned, licking his lips as he wondered if he should call Arthur. 

Was he allowed to do that?

He sighed, unable to squash the feeling of being unwanted. 

A little hurt at being ignored, he tossed his phone away once he got to his bedroom, getting ready to sleep for the night even though he knew that he would be getting no sleep. 

He was about to crawl under the covers when his phone chimed, a sign that he had received a message. 

He knew that he promised to ignore his phone for the night but he found himself scrambling to get to the device anyway. 

When he read the message, however, he felt his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach followed by a rush of panic and immense hurt. 

‘ _Sorry, I think it’s best if we don’t meet again after all. You were right. Thanks for accommodating me. You can keep the hoodie._ ’

He dropped the phone on the sheets, trying to sort out his emotions that surged through him like a tidal wave. He thought they were doing okay. 

Merlin thought they were accommodating each other. 

Had his request been too demanding after all?

But Arthur was the one who wanted this to continue so what was this all about?

He briefly thought about the scarf he had given to the Alpha. 

Had that been the breaking point? 

Was that not allowed?

He frowned, trying to figure out what was this pain in his chest followed by a heavy weight in his mind. His fingers shook, curling them into fists as he stared at the phone. 

Merlin knew he should be relieved. 

He wouldn’t be doing this anymore. 

But he _wasn’t_. 

The thought of never being able to see the Alpha again hurt him.

It was then he realised that the biggest emotion dominating him right now was hurt. 

A weird noise crawled up his throat and escaped his lips. He touched his face and realised that his cheeks were wet. 

It was like someone slapped him across his face. 

He wasn’t needed. 

He wasn’t _wanted_. 

It really got to him now. 

Would it have changed anything if Merlin had accepted this a little easier?

He didn’t know but now Arthur, his True Pair Alpha, didn't want him anymore. 

And the fact that he hurt this much couldn’t just be because his Omega was upset, could it?

Did Merlin expect something from this, after all?

Whatever the outcome of the thoughts were, the brunet knew that he wanted to call Arthur and demand an explanation. 

It was just that he had no right. 

He _wasn’t_ Arthur’s Omega. 

And Arthur _wasn’t_ his Alpha. 

Not in a real sense. 

He had no right to ask anything, so he took his phone and placed it on his bedside table. 

He didn’t sleep that night like he predicted and by come morning, his eyes felt swollen and his chest achingly empty.

 

***

 

Gwaine frowned as he stood in front of Merlin, his hands on his hips. The brunet curled on his sofa, sighing. 

“Forget it, Gwaine,” Merlin said. “It’s over.”

“ _Over_?” Gwaine said. “How can this be _over_?”

“He doesn't want me, Gwaine,” Merlin said, bitter. “He told me himself.”

The Beta remained quiet for a second. 

“It’s just,” his best friend said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe something happened. Maybe something went wrong. No willing Alpha would leave their True Pair mate behind like this, Merlin.”

“Well, it _happened_!” Merlin exclaimed, exasperated. “He left me anyway, Gwaine! And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Gwaine thinned his lips. “Call him.”

“No.”

“Merlin,” Gwaine said. “Call him. Ask him what went wrong. Nothing’s going to get fixed if you don’t open your mouth and ask.”

“And what should I ask, Gwaine?” Merlin pushed himself to sit up, glaring at the Beta. “Hey, remember me? Your supposed Omega? Well, I take back what I said about not meeting up. Let’s meet up. I need you.”

Gwaine’s lips briefly twitched upwards. “Tell him that.”

Merlin’s cheeks tinted red, steam running out of his body as he slumped against the cushion. “It’s not going to work. He has Gwen. A pretty Beta he’s going to marry. I don’t have a place in his life.”

“A _pretty_ Beta?” Gwaine said, eyebrows raising.

“I’m _assuming_ she’s pretty,” Merlin grumbled. 

His best friend moved to sit next to him, nudging his shoulder against the Omega’s. “Look, you can sit around here moping that he doesn’t want you or you could ask him about it.”

Merlin bit his bottom lip, not looking at Gwaine. “And if he says what I think he meant?”

Gwaine draped an arm across his shoulders and tugged him close to his chest. “Then, Merlin, that’s his loss.”

For a second, no one said anything. 

Merlin pondered if he really wanted Arthur or not. 

He _did_ , he admitted. 

Sure, his instincts wanted him as well but—Merlin was intrigued with this man. The man who helped him get home safely when he went into heat and the man who made sure he was well fed and happy last week. It could be for his own gain but the brunet felt a little— _special_ —under Arthur’s gaze. 

A few weeks ago, he would have slapped himself for even thinking about this. 

But he really wondered just how far he was going to stop himself from wanting something. 

He glanced at his best friend, who was looking at him with a soft smile, knowing that he was right. 

“To think,” Gwaine said. “You, who objected to the idea of a True Pair, want him to stick around.”

Merlin huffed. “I don’t _want_ him around. I just…I mean, I don’t even know him that well.”

“And yet, you like him, either way,” Gwaine said.

The Omega opened his mouth, wanting to protest but then he stopped himself. 

Because yes, if he truly wanted to be honest right now, he _liked_ Arthur. 

He wasn’t sure if this was because of biology or because of his own self—but he didn’t want to let Arthur go until he found out for himself. 

And then what?

He didn’t answer Gwaine but he knew that his best friend was looking at him with knowing eyes.

 

***

 

The phone remained on the kitchen table, untouched. And Merlin sat in front of it, staring at the device as his fingers hovered over Arthur’s contact. His heart clenched in his chest as he tried to decide if he was going to do this. Gwaine’s words rushed into his mind and he sighed, slumping his shoulders. 

There was a part of him that wanted to call Arthur, to ask him what he was thinking—why he was stopping this when he was the one who demanded for it. 

He bit his bottom lip, pushing aside the wash of hurt as he recalled how his whole world felt like it stopped moving, _dead_ , when Arthur sent him that message. 

Curling his fingers into fists, he took in a deep breath. 

He pressed the call button. 

Merlin thought that Arthur wouldn’t answer his call. 

Maybe he would see it was him calling and ignore the brunet. 

But when after two rings, Arthur answered, Merlin was a little surprised—and pleased. 

“Merlin?” Arthur said. 

“Hi,” Merlin said, throat drying as words vanished from his mind. 

Arthur remained quiet for a second before he said, “Hi.” Then, he added, “Is—something wrong?”

It must mean something, right? Arthur answered his call quickly. 

Surely—that would mean _something_?

Merlin tried to ignore those thoughts, knowing that he was probably reaching for something that wasn’t there. 

Remember _Gwen_ , Merlin. Remember her. 

He closed his eyes for a second as he tried to reign in the urge to slam his fists down on the kitchen table in irritation. The Beta that had _his_ Alpha—Arthur—really pushed his buttons. 

It was almost laughable how he was acting at the moment.

Like the desperate Omega he tried to avoid becoming. 

“No,” Merlin said, voice coming out a little curt. “ _Yes_. Actually, yes, there _is_ something wrong, Arthur.”

The Alpha took in a sharp breath. “What is it?”

The brunet snapped open his eyes to glare at the phone as if Arthur could see him from the other side of the line. 

“Merlin?” Arthur said, his voice sounding a little sharp. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“What do you think, Arthur?” Merlin snapped. 

The hurt he tried to ignore came back rushing into his mind, leaking into his words. 

He didn’t give a chance for the Alpha to reply. “Because I think you know what’s wrong. I thought…What is even with that message, Arthur? Are you serious?”

“Right,” the Alpha said, sounding tired all of a sudden. “The message. I—I just think it’s best if we stopped. I wasn’t thinking when I asked you to do this and you’re right, if we ignore this—”

“That’s cruel of you,” Merlin said, cutting him off. 

Arthur went silent immediately. 

The brunet tried not to let it get to him. But hearing Arthur’s voice, hearing him tell the Omega directly about what he feared—he thought—it was as if someone took a hot rod and pierced through his chest. The hole in his chest widened, and he felt cold. 

“Merlin,” Arthur said, his voice soft. 

“You’re the one who wanted to see me,” Merlin said, cursing himself when his voice shook. “You’re the one who wanted this. And at first, I was wary and then…then you decided to pull a stunt like that last week and—”

“You’re the one who wanted to stop this from the very beginning!” Arthur exclaimed, startling the brunet into shutting up. “Look, just, before our instincts get even stronger, it’s best if we stopped. I. I can’t keep meeting up with you—like what was I _thinking?_ I have a _fiancée_. I can’t do this to her. I’m sorry.”

Merlin bit his bottom lip, breathing out a shaky breath. “Can you stay away from me?”

“I can force myself to,” Arthur said. “And then, it’ll go away. When I bond with her—”

“ _Bond_?” Merlin said, startled as the words burned into his mind. 

Arthur quietened for a second. “Yes. I’m going to bond with her.”

“She’s a _Beta_ ,” Merlin said, almost breathless. 

Arthur remained quiet but Merlin heard it loud and clear in the silence. 

He wanted to bond with her, anyway. 

An Alpha could never bond with a Beta. They didn’t have scent glands for a bond to create—but it didn’t mean that Arthur couldn’t bite her either way, to give her a mark anyway. To satisfy his need to claim. 

But to a Beta. 

Not many would do that, not unless they were a hundred percent sure. 

It shook him to the core. 

Pain, and panic—hurt and frustration washed into him in waves. 

“You said _I’m_ your True Pair,” Merlin whispered, unable to get the words out without choking. “You would bond with a _Beta_ even when I’m here?”

“What are you even talking about?” Arthur said. “I’m _not_ yours. You are _not_ mine, you made that clear on a few occasions. And…this is just biology, isn’t it?” 

Merlin pressed a hand against his mouth as he shook his head. 

“I _love_ her, Merlin,” Arthur said with a sigh. “I want to marry her. I want to be with her. You were unplanned. I’m sorry. I can’t just throw away what I know for…”

“For _what_?” Merlin bit out. “So, my life didn’t turn upside down because of you? Mine _did_. If you had just let me be from the very beginning, I wouldn’t have been attached to your stupid scent and—”

“You’re attached to my scent?” Arthur asked, sounding a little surprised—and a little pained. 

“ _Yes_ ,” the brunet hissed. “I crave for your scent, for your warmth. _I crave you, Arthur_. It _hurts_. You’re rejecting me and it hurts.”

It surprised the Omega at how honest he was being, at how he had let the words come out of his mouth even when those things were something he wasn’t ready to admit. But here he was, telling them to Arthur, a desperate feeling crawling into his chest to make Arthur stay. 

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said. “I’m _sorry_ , Merlin. I—I’m sorry. I should’ve let you be. I shouldn’t have given you that jacket when you were in heat. I should’ve—I’m sorry. I can’t do this. You’ll be fine, I promise. Okay? You’ll be fine. It’ll be difficult for a few days but it’ll be fine. Forget we ever happened—what happened. Goodbye.”

“Arthur, _please_ ,” Merlin said, choking back the tears that threatened to slip past his eyes. “Please. You can’t just get me wanting you and then pull away. That’s cruel, Arthur. You can’t just make me believe you’re it and then leave. Leave for a Beta.”

“Secondary genders don’t control everything, Merlin,” Arthur said, sounding a little choked up himself. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re a cruel man,” Merlin spat out. 

“Merlin,” Arthur replied, breathless and if Merlin analysed his voice, he could have heard the way his voice shook. 

“If that’s what you want then,” Merlin said, heart squeezing in his chest. “Fine. Goodbye, then. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry my presence ruined your peace for a bit.”

“ _Merlin_ —”

The brunet gathered every bit of his strength in his body and ended the call. In frustration, he swiped the phone off the table, covering his face with his hands as he heard the device clattering on the floor. He took in a few deep breaths to calm himself down but nothing was working. His Omega was howling in pain and he felt like his heart was ripped apart into pieces. 

He was a mess and he didn’t know how to stop feeling so upset—so abandoned. 

Rationally, he could see this being the right decision. 

He never wanted an Alpha dictated by biology. 

Yet, along the way, he got used to Arthur. Even when he tried to push him away, when Arthur had made an effort to take in account of his comfort, he had thought—maybe he could get used to this. When the Alpha gave him his hoodie, he thought that he could do this, after all. 

And with Gwaine’s needling, he thought that if Arthur was made for him—there was no way at the end of the day that he would stay with Gwen. 

He had been to selfish to think so like that. 

Because it was unfair for Arthur to stop his life for Merlin, someone he was forced to be with, someone he just met. 

Someone unplanned. 

And Merlin should understand that that was why Arthur did what he did. 

But he couldn’t help but feel like the Alpha pushed him away. He pulled him in for a little, gave him a taste of what it would be like to be with the blond-haired man before burning that dream up, tossing the fact that those were Gwen’s to experience—Gwen’s to feel and want. 

Arthur wasn’t cruel. 

He just wanted to live his life. 

Merlin was the one who trusted this too fast. 

For someone who hated the idea of a True Pair, he certainly fell for the idea quickly. 

At the end of the day, no one wanted him.

 

***

 

His Omega didn’t get used to the idea of not being able to meet Arthur or have his scent wrapped around him like a warm blanket. It had been two days since that horrible call and Merlin felt a little out of it. His instincts kept demanding him to call Arthur again, just so he could hear his voice at the very least. At his worst, he had wanted to seek Arthur out just so he could hold the man, and be held as well. 

The brunet couldn’t think properly, his mind occupied with thoughts of Arthur, followed by the hurt and sense of abandonment he felt whenever the blond-haired man’s face flashed in front of his eyes. 

He rubbed a hand down his face as he recalled the looks his children gave to him when he mixed up the alphabets and taught them that the word Lion started with the letter N rather than an L. His fingers twitched as a wash of nervousness and jitteriness covered every inch of his body. 

He wanted to curse at Arthur. 

But more so, he wanted to curse at himself. 

He walked down the street, heading to the familiar cafe, not watching where he was going. Merlin bumped into a few people, tossing a weak apology over his shoulders as he kept going. At one point, he almost tripped over something, forcing himself to stop walking so he could coordinate himself better. 

Merlin tightened his grip on his shoulder bag strap, taking in a deep breath. 

He could do this. 

Before Arthur barged into his life, he had been able to ignore his Omega instincts and this emptiness in his chest. 

He could do it again.

It might take a while, but he could do it. 

Merlin really didn’t want to, though. 

He continued to walk then, blinking a few times as he glanced at the cafe across the street. Hazily, he didn’t think to check for the pedestrian stoplight and walked. He was about three steps across the road when a shiver ran down his spine. A loud horn pierced its way through his hazy mind, stopping him. 

He turned his head to the right and his heart stopped beating for a moment. 

A truck was coming its way towards him. 

Merlin couldn’t move, paralysed as fear took route in his feet. 

The honking grew louder and so did the distinct screech of tyres trying to stop the vehicle from moving. 

Then, Merlin felt a tug, a yank on his arm. 

Pain shot up his shoulder, snapping himself from the reverie he found himself in. 

He was pulled harshly away from the truck, his feet tripped against the small step of the pavement and he fell down. His back was cushioned by his bag but it didn’t stop from his arse hurting or his upper arms from being in pain as he tried to stop his head from colliding on the cobalt stones. 

Hands covered his face as he was yanked to sit down, the warmth felt familiar. 

He blinked a few times, trying to take in a few deep breaths as his heart beat loudly against his chest. 

“Merlin!”

The voice startled him back into reality as he looked in front of him. 

_Arthur_. 

He looked frantic, his eyes wide as he had his hands touching the brunet’s cheek. He was kneeling in front of him, brushing the dark hair away from his face. 

“Hey!” Arthur said. “Are you alright?”

“I’m,” Merlin said, voice croaking out the words. “I’m fine. I’m…”

It was then it hit him how close he had been to being hit by the truck. With how his body had been tense these past few days, how his heart ached and unable to think, he shook. He tried to take in deep breaths but he couldn’t. His vision blurred. 

He looked at Arthur who had his eyebrows furrowed, worry clear on his face. 

Before Merlin could stop himself, he tossed his arms around the strong shoulders and buried his face against him. He took in a lungful of that pine tree scent that he missed. It calmed him down a little for him to clutch against Arthur, holding him tight. He didn’t want to move, his instincts going overdrive. Arthur touched him back, pressing his hands on his arms as he pulled the brunet to his feet. An arm looped around his waist and Merlin let the man pull him somewhere. 

“Sit, sit,” Arthur said, pushing Merlin down. 

It was then Merlin realised he was brought near a shop and was made to sit on the ground, Arthur still kneeling in front of him. The Omega took in a deep breath, shuddering a little, tightening his grip on the Alpha. 

“Shh, come on, Merlin,” Arthur said, his voice close to his ears. 

Merlin couldn’t help but to make a noise, a whimper more like, as he kept his face buried against the shoulder. 

“Calm down, yeah?” Arthur continued. “I’m here. You’re safe. It’s alright.”

“Can’t,” Merlin said, voice catching in his throat. “Don’t leave. _Please_ , please, just _stay_. _Stay_ , Arthur.”

“I’m here,” Arthur said, his voice calm. 

A hand buried themselves through Merlin’s hair, caressing his head. A pair of lips were pressed against his temple as he was pulled closer. The warmth that enveloped him had his heartbeat calming but his Omega was still thrashing about within him from the shock and from the thought that they found the Alpha again. 

It took a toll in him as he found his body submitting, sagging against the hold. 

“Hey, hey, Merlin,” Arthur said, a hand touched his face, trying to dislodge the brunet from his shoulder. 

Merlin only shook his head and kept a grip on the man, refusing to move away. 

His face burned as he started to gather bearings of the situation he was in. 

But he didn’t want to let Arthur go. 

“Don’t move,” Merlin pleaded. “Please, just, let me hold you for a while. I’m sorry but _please_.”

He sounded tired even to his own ears, shaken up and his voice was hoarse as if he had been screaming. Arthur adjusted his arms around MerlIn’s body and tightened, pressing the back of the brunet’s head against him this time. 

“Okay, okay, I’m here,” Arthur whispered against him. “I’ll protect you. I’m not leaving. Here, just hold onto me like this.”

Merlin did just that. He held onto him, not caring for the place he was at or how he looked like. 

“There’s a convenience store two minutes away,” Arthur said, but his voice was loud, not aimed at Merlin. “Can you buy me a bottle of water?”

“A—Arthur, but,” a woman’s voice said, stuttering. 

Merlin squeezed his eyes tighter, making another noise at the back of his throat at hearing someone else taking the Alpha’s attention away. 

“ _Please_ ,” Arthur said, his voice coming off a little desperate. “Just get me the water, okay?”

“Arthur, Arthur, _don’t_ ,” Merlin said, pulling away a little only for the hand at the back of his head to push him back against the shoulder. “Arthur, I—I don’t know why I’m not calming down. I—I don’t know what’s happening.”

“I know, I know,” Arthur said. 

The Alpha moved around a bit, jostling Merlin in his arms before he pushed the brunet to his neck. It was then Merlin’s nose came to the point of Arthur that held the strongest pine tree scent. 

Almost like that triggered the primal part of him, Merlin scrambled to press his nose against the scent gland, inhaling it. One hand started going through his hair while the other rubbed his back. Merlin’s mind slowly cleared and his heartbeat finally stopped beating so loudly, calming properly. His body stopped shaking after a few seconds. 

“You scared me there,” Arthur murmured against him.

Merlin tensed for a bit, his shoulder squaring as rationality snapped back into his mind, his Omega instincts finally settled. He hesitated to curl his fingers but he couldn’t deny that even when the primal part of him had started to retreat, he wanted to remain like this. 

“Thanks,” Arthur said to someone before Merlin was nudged gently. 

The hand in his hair moved to touch his cheek, pulling him away slowly from Arthur’s neck. Merlin’s face was flushed as he opened his eyes, blinking a few times through the tears as he looked at the ocean-blue eyes, some redness around the outer parts of the irises. 

“Here,” Arthur said, his voice still quiet. 

The Alpha pulled one hand away from Merlin to open the cap of the bottle with his thumb. Letting it drop on the ground, Arthur used his other hand that was cupping Merlin’s cheek to tilt his head a little, placing the rim of the bottle against his lips. The brunet pulled a hand away from hugging Arthur to wrap his fingers around the base of it, drinking the water. 

After a few gulps, Arthur pulled the bottle away, searching his face. The thumb on his cheek caressed his skin, relaxing Merlin a little bit more. 

“You okay now?” Arthur asked, keeping his voice low. 

Merlin looked at him, licking his wet lips before he nodded. He hesitated to let Arthur go but he knew that now that he was fine, it would be best to do so. Arthur placed the bottle on the ground before he touched Merlin’s face with his other hand. The brunet’s breath hitched his throat as Arthur sighed, his shoulders slumping as he bowed his head. 

“You idiot,” Arthur said, sounding tired. “What were you thinking?”

Merlin bit his bottom lip, raising his hands to touch Arthur’s. He squeezed at his fingers as he watched the Alpha raise his head to meet his eyes. Merlin’s heart squeezed in his chest when he saw the worry in those blue eyes. 

“Sorry,” Merlin said, dropping his hands to his sides. “Sorry.”

“You were lucky I was nearby and spotted you,” Arthur said. “If I didn’t save you—you would’ve—”

“Arthur,” a woman’s voice said, catching Merlin off guard. 

Arthur froze, his eyes widened and like someone had doused cold water over them, Arthur pulled away. Merlin squared his shoulders, hunching them closer to his body as he looked past the Alpha to the woman standing behind him, dark-skinned with pretty brown eyes. She was frowning, eyes darting between Merlin to Arthur a few times. She crouched down to touch Arthur’s arm and Merlin’s eyes fell on her fingers resting on the Alpha. 

He clenched his jaw, a wash of anger taking him off guard. 

Arthur cleared his throat, shaking his head a little as he ran both hands through his hair. 

“I swear,” Arthur mumbled. “You’re so much trouble.”

Merlin winced, looking at his lap as he curled his fingers into fists. 

“Well, you could’ve just left me to die,” Merlin snapped. 

A hand shot out and grabbed him by his jaw, tilting his head as he was forced to meet the blue-eyes bleeding into red. 

“Say that again,” Arthur said, harshly. 

Merlin’s eyes widened, his breath quickening at the anger clearly on Arthur’s face. 

The woman touched his arm again as she pulled him away a little from Merlin. “Arthur, calm down.”

The grip on his face tightened a fraction more before Arthur let him go, staring at him with narrowed eyes. “I can’t believe you wouldn’t check where you’re walking and cross the fucking road like that.”

Merlin blinked a few times before he glared at the Alpha back. “I wouldn’t be in such a haze and forget to look if you didn’t do that shite to me.”

Arthur froze again, the redness in eyes leaving as his face went blank. He clenched his jaw, staring at Merlin. 

“What?” Merlin said, feeling guilt crawling in his chest at throwing that back at Arthur. 

Arthur opened his mouth to speak when the woman squeezed his arm, catching his attention. Merlin felt his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach when Arthur’s face softened when he looked at her. 

“Merlin,” Arthur said, standing up with the woman. “Come on, get up.”

Merlin hesitated before he stood up. Arthur took a step towards him, hands outstretched as Merlin’s knees almost gave up. It was then he felt a flare of pain at his backside. He hissed, touching Arthur’s palms. 

“What?” Arthur said, alarmed. “Are you hurt?”

“Sore,” Merlin said, cheeks reddening. “My arse hurts. Fell on it.”

“Do you need to go to a hospital?” Arthur said, clutching on his fingers as he took a smaller step closer to him. 

Merlin shook his head, chancing a glance at him to smile a little. “I’m fine. I’ll just need to get home so I can take a hot shower and sleep.”

Arthur frowned, searching his face. 

“If you’re sure,” the woman spoke, taking a step to stand next to Arthur, her fingers once again grazing the man’s arm. 

Irritation bloomed in his chest as he looked at her, feeling threatened by how close she was with Arthur. His shoulders tensed and without him realising, he had tightened his fingers around Arthur’s. The Alpha huffed a soft breath. 

“Gwen, take a step back, please,” he said. 

“Arthur—”

“Please?” Arthur said, looking at her. 

_Gwen_. 

Merlin’s eyes widened as the name burned itself into his mind. He took a sharp breath, catching Arthur’s attention. 

“ _Gwen_ ,” Merlin said, repeating the name. 

It tasted bitter. 

“Yes,” Arthur said, looking at him as he thinned his lips, squeezing Merlin’s hands. “This is Gwen. My—”

Merlin shook his head, not wanting to hear this. He pulled his hands away from Arthur, taking a few steps back from him. Arthur furrowed his eyebrows, taking a step towards him. 

“I’m fine,” Merlin said, tossing the word at him as he grabbed his bag that was lying on the ground. “I’m fine. Sorry. I’ll just—I’ll go.”

“Merlin,” Arthur said. 

“I can’t be here,” Merlin said. “Sorry. Thanks for saving me.”

Merlin was about to walk away when Arthur grabbed him by his wrist, halting. His touch sent electric sparks running down the brunet’s spine, turning to look at the Alpha. 

“I can give you a ride,” Arthur said. 

But all Merlin could see was the woman standing behind Arthur, eyeing him in wariness as she wringed her fingers together. She looked—insecure. She looked—upset. 

She looked like Merlin. 

And. 

It hurt. 

This was the woman Arthur was going to marry. 

This was the woman that took Arthur’s heart. 

Merlin wanted to push Arthur away from the woman, to drag him away, to hold him away from her—but Arthur had made his decision two days ago when he broke the promise to meet every once a week. 

Merlin was still bitter and hurt about it. 

And Arthur deserved Gwen, she was beautiful. 

“I’m fine,” Merlin gritted and snatched his wrist away. 

“Merlin!” 

But the brunet had already turned around and started walking away. His heart gripped tight in his chest and while the scent of pine tree was still strong covering every inch of him—while he thought about how Arthur had allowed him to scent him, even just a little—he felt hollow. 

He didn’t know what made him look over his shoulders, but he did and he wished he didn’t. 

Arthur had his back turned facing him and Gwen was holding him by his waist, talking to him. Arthur then shook his head and Gwen leaned up to kiss him on his cheek. 

Merlin looked away, squeezing on the straps of his bags tight. 

The soreness in his body faded compared to the pain in his chest.

 

***

 

Merlin never told Gwaine about what happened three days ago. Neither did he tell Gwaine about meeting Gwen. He wiped his palms against his jeans as he helped Gwaine set up the dining table in the Beta’s flat. The jitteriness that he managed to tamper down after meeting with Arthur came back flooding in him. 

It seemed like the more exposure he had with Arthur, the less he could hold his instincts back, feeling uncomfortable faster. 

“Merlin,” Gwaine said, catching the brunet’s attention. 

Merlin stopped placing the second plate on the table, blinking at the Beta. “What?”

“You’ve been zoned out for the past couple of minutes,” Gwaine said, placing a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table. “Are you alright?”

Merlin gave him a weak smile. “Fine.”

Gwaine frowned. “Merlin.”

The brunet sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he went to place the third plate on the marbled surface. “I’m fine. Kind of.”

“Kind of,” Gwaine said. 

“Look, Gwaine,” the Omega said, looking at his best friend. “This is going to be a nice dinner, isn't it? Percival’s coming and—I’ll tell you all about what’s bothering me later, okay?”

“So, something is bothering you,” Gwaine said. 

“Gwaine.”

“Fine, fine!” the Beta said, raising his hands. “I’ll reserve my interrogation after dinner then.”

Merlin resisted to roll his eyes. “Thanks.”

It was then the doorbell to the flat rang. Gwaine straightened up, eyes brightening as a soft smile crossed his lips. Merlin snorted as he watched his best friend hurried to the front door, yanking it open with less than graceful movements. 

Percival appeared when the door was swung open, holding a bottle of wine in his hands. Gwaine grinned as he took a step back, allowing the Alpha to enter his home. He spotted Merlin and waved, and the Omega smiled, waving back at him. 

He wasn’t as wary of Percival as he had been from the start. Maybe it was because he had seen how he treated Gwaine, full of love, full of care. 

Maybe it was because Gwaine seemed happier every time Percival came around, talked about him. 

And while that was so, it also made Merlin feel a little more ashamed of himself whenever he saw the two interact. 

Because Arthur’s circumstances were as similar as Percival and Gwaine’s. 

Sure, Arthur and Gwen weren’t a True Pair but—they were an Alpha-Beta couple and—it worked. 

Percival and Gwaine were making it work. 

Looking away for a second to compose himself, he pushed away any thoughts of the two of them and plastered on a smile, greeting Percival as the Alpha walked over to where the brunet was. 

“Hey,” Percival said. 

“Hi,” Merlin replied. 

Gwaine soon joined them both at the table and the dinner started. Merlin let the conversation wash over him, keeping his mind slightly occupied. Gwaine cleared his throat then, catching the brunet’s attention. 

“So,” Gwaine said, glancing at Percival who smiled at him. “Percival’s having a birthday get-together at his place a week from now.”

Merlin nodded, eyeing the Alpha. “Your birthday’s next week?”

“Yes,” Percival said with a brilliant grin. “And…I invited Gwaine. And I’m hoping you’ll come too.”

Merlin blinked. “You want me to come too?”

“Of course,” the Alpha said. “You’re Gwaine’s friend and—I’m hoping we’ll be friends too.”

The brunet’s cheeks pinked a little, warm flutters erupted in his stomach as he smiled. “Thanks, Percival.”

Gwaine chuckled, looking pleased. “So, you’re coming, right?”

Merlin hesitated to answer but when he looked at the Alpha, his eyes shining bright and in hope, he found himself relenting. “Yes, yes I’ll come.”

“Brilliant!” Percival said. 

Merlin fidgeted where he sat as he contemplated if he really wanted to go. He was nervous, all of a sudden. He took in a deep breath, his fingers curling around his fork as he picked it up from the table. 

 

***

 

He was indeed nervous. 

Maybe it was because he wasn’t used to going into a party—heck, the last time he had been into one was when he was in A-levels. He usually tried his best to avoid any large social events, always feeling a little out of place. 

Merlin took in a deep breath, smoothing down his best buttoned-up shirt as he stood in front of the big house. He always had an inkling the Alpha came from a well-to-do background and this confirmed it as he stood in front of the building. But strangely, he didn’t feel intimidated. 

Gwaine had texted him that morning stating that he was already at Percival’s, helping out with the party. Merlin had hoped his best friend would be with him, if he was being honest. But he decided to not bother the Beta and gotten the address from him, feeling nervous as he took a taxi here. 

He stared at the door for a second. 

Then, he rang the doorbell. 

A second later, Gwaine opened the door, grinning when he saw Merlin. 

“Merlin!” the Beta said as he pulled his best friend into the large house.

The Omega couldn’t help but to note how expansive the area he was in and this was just the entrance of the house. 

“This is a big place,” Merlin said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

“It is,” the Beta agreed, closing the door. 

He, then, turned around to face the Omega, his grin dimmed into a soft smile. Merlin smiled back before he looked at his hands, waving at the small present he got. Gwaine’s eyes dropped to it and his face softened a bit more. 

“Is that for Perce?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Merlin said with a shrug, cheeks pinking. “It’s only polite to get the birthday guy something.”

“Thanks, Merlin,” Gwaine said, his voice sincere. 

Merlin knew what he was thanking the brunet for. 

The Omega simply smiled. “I was skeptical at first but—I think I can trust him to keep you happy.”

“He does,” Gwaine said. “He does make me happy.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before the Beta nodded, pointing at the archway leading to the living room. “Let’s go. There’s already a few people here. I can introduce you to them later after meeting with Percival.”

“Right.” Merlin followed Gwaine, tightening his grip on the small present in his hands. 

When he entered the large living room, he felt even more nervousness bubbling within him. The itchy feeling of his Omega instincts started up again.

He gulped, forcing his body to move. 

Gwaine moved past a few people before he reached to Percival who was talking to someone. Gwaine touched his elbow, alerting the taller man of his presence. Merlin watched their eyes meet and felt his heart throbbing in his chest at how Percival immediately leaned in close to press his lips against the Beta’s temple. 

Merlin was—envious.

Envious that they were happy. 

Envious—he didn’t get that chance. 

He shook his head from the thoughts when Gwaine pointed at Merlin, Percival’s eyes leaving him to meet the icy-blue ones. The Alpha then grinned, excusing himself from the man he was talking to and followed Gwaine to where the Omega was. 

“Thanks for coming, Merlin,” Percival said, his voice kind. 

Merlin smiled. “Here, I got you something.”

Percival looked a bit taken aback before his cheeks pinked, a shy smile crossed his lips. “You didn’t have to.” 

“Nah,” Merlin said with a shrug. “It’s only polite.”

Gwaine looked proud and relieved, if Merlin could guess. And the envious feeling he felt seconds ago disappeared, replaced by how happy he was for them. Percival accepted the gift, nodding once. 

“Thank you,” he said, sounding more sincere than warranted. 

Merlin supposed this was something special to the Alpha. It did mean that Merlin accepted him, even a little into his life that he would be Gwaine’s lover. 

“There’s drinks at the table over there,” Percival said as he pointed towards a long table at one corner of the room. “But if you don’t like them, you can tell me.”

“Or me,” Gwaine piped up, grinning. “I know my way around the kitchen. I had to restock his fridge with drinks recently.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows, looking at the Beta. “So, you’ve been here a lot?”

Gwaine stopped grinning then, his entire face reddening. The Alpha next to him went completely silent and when Merlin chanced an amused glance at him, he found them both sporting a red face. 

“Well, I mean,” Gwaine said, clearing his throat. 

It was clear what he meant even through his fumbling so Merlin snorted, smiling. Percival chuckled a little as well, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I’ll go and put this in my room,” Percival said as he waved his present. 

“It’s nothing special,” Merlin said, biting his bottom lip for a moment. “But I hope you like it anyway.”

Percival smiled, kindly. “I’m sure I will.”

“Come on,” Gwaine said as he placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, pushing him towards the table. 

Merlin rolled his eyes, letting his best friend push him. He looked at the drinks and picked a cup to fill it with what seemed like a fruit punch. He sipped the drink, relaxing a little, liking how it tasted. 

“There’s a lot of people here, Gwaine,” Merlin said, looking at the small crowd. 

“Yeah,” Gwaine said, nodding as he stood next to the Omega. “But so far, they’re nice. I’ll introduce to you a few of them. They’re Percival’s friends too.”

Merlin tensed a little at the prospect of meeting new people. If it had been any other time, the brunet would have agreed but his Omega instincts were unstable at the moment. Truthfully, he didn’t want to leave his house this morning. He craved for Arthur and he hadn’t gotten much sleep. His body felt lethargic and his mind blanked out often. 

He had almost left the house wearing no shoes and only realised it when he stepped onto the cold pavement outside. 

He gave Gwaine a tight smile, hoping it fit on his face. Gwaine eyed him for a second before he sighed. 

“Is it still not good?” Gwaine said. 

Merlin knew what he was referring to. 

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “I’m still a jittery mess and I just want to—I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong, Gwaine. Maybe this True Pair thing is real and it can’t be avoided.”

Gwaine didn’t say anything but he knew his friend was wearing an expression of understanding and pity. He avoided looking at him, preferring to stare at his cup. 

“Come on,” Gwaine said. “I’ll introduce to you a few people.”

“Ah,” Merlin said as he shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t feel like—socialising. I’ll probably leave in another ten minutes. I just came here out of courtesy.”

Gwaine didn’t force him and simply nodded. 

“Alright,” he said. “Let me know when you’re leaving then. I’ll drive you back home.”

Merlin smiled, relieved. Gwaine frowned for a bit before he took a step closer and pressed a hand on his forehead. The Omega stiffened, blinking at what his best friend was doing.

“You feel a little hot too,” he said, catching Merlin off guard. 

“I do?” Merlin said. 

“Yes,” Gwaine said. “Just stay here then and let me know when you’re about to leave, okay?”

Merlin smiled, nodding. It was then someone called for Gwaine, causing the Beta to look over his shoulders to greet the person. He turned back to the Omega and nodded once when their eyes met. With that, he left him standing there as he went to entertain the guests. 

The brunet stood there, sipping his drink as he eyed the guests. He noted that Percival had walked into the room, spotting him. With a wave at the Alpha to tell him that he was fine where he was, he left Merlin alone, deciding to join Gwaine to talk to the guests. 

He glanced at his wrist watch, wondering if it would be fine now if he left. 

Just as he was about to do that, the front doorbell rang. Merlin watched as Percival left Gwaine’s side to the front door. He gently leaned against the table, eyeing the archway into the living room as he wondered who else was invited. 

His entire body froze, his heart racing in his chest and his eyes widened when a couple walked into the living room. Percival looked a little tense as well, his smile tight on his face as his glances darted towards Merlin. 

Merlin stared at the couple, at the blond-haired man who was standing close to the same woman he had met a week ago. 

As if a switch had been flipped, Merlin’s instincts started to make itself known. The brief moment of silence he got today was gone. His mind was now a mess of want—need— _make yourself known_ —and he swallowed the noises that were threatening to make through his mouth. 

He clenched on his cup, eyes burning when he watched Arthur tense. His ocean-blue eyes immediately left Percival and land on Merlin, as if he knew that the Omega was there. 

Their eyes met and Merlin felt his entire body stiffen. 

Heat pooled at the pit of his stomach and his shoulders shook as he tried to take in a deep breath. 

The icy-blue eyes then fell on the woman—Gwen—who seemed oblivious as she chatted with Percival. 

Merlin swallowed, his throat dry. He drank the punch, dropping his gaze on the cup. He couldn’t find it in himself to leave now, not when he was in the same room as the Alpha. 

The strength that he forced himself to have to leave the house was rapidly lessening. 

He hadn’t known how long he had been staring at his cup, but he was startled when he felt someone speak to him. He turned his head, eyes wide as his heart leapt in his chest. He had brown hair, styled to the side with bright brown eyes. There was a smile on his face, charming but it spoke of things that Merlin found himself shrinking at. 

“Can I help you?” Merlin said, his voice a little stiff. 

The man grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth. “I’m Cenred.”

Cenred stretched out his hand, eyebrows raised when Merlin continued to stare at him, warily. He slowly extended his own hand and shook it, pulling away immediately when Cenred squeezed his palm. Merlin scrunched his nose when Cenred leaned a little closer, the smell of ash forcibly pushed into his nose and made him want to gag. 

Merlin subtly took a step back, aware now that he was an Alpha. 

The way he carried himself and the way he talked, if the scent hadn’t given him away of his secondary gender—his cocky behaviour did. 

“What’s your name?” Cenred asked as he turned a little to face the table. 

“Merlin,” the brunet said, feeling a little nervous the longer he stood there. 

He darted his eyes across the crowd, hoping to find Gwaine. 

“Do you want some?” Cenred asked as he thrusted a plate of what seemed like sandwiches towards Merlin.

The brunet had to grab on the edge of the plate so that it wouldn’t fall, belatedly realising that he had accepted the offer without him wanting to. A little agitated and more offended at the blatant display of dominance, he placed the plate on the table and took a large step back. Cenred’s smile dropped a little, his brown eyes flashing in what seemed like offence. 

“Thanks but no thanks,” Merlin retorted, going back to scan the crowd. 

He froze when his eyes landed on Arthur, who was standing on the other side of the room. He was talking to someone with Gwen by his side but Merlin saw the tension in his body. When the ocean-blue eyes flicked to Merlin’s icy-blue ones, he felt his breath leaving his lungs. The eyes narrowed and Merlin saw his jaw clenching. 

It was then the brunet felt a hand touching his elbow. Merlin pulled his body away from Cenred, breaking eye-contact with Cenred to glare at him. 

“Sorry, I don’t want to socialise,” he said, trying to keep the snap out of his voice. 

Cenred smirked. “Then, why are you here?”

Merlin had dealt with a few people who couldn’t take no when he said so. This wasn’t the first time, Alpha or not. 

But this was the first time he felt queasy and a little more than uncomfortable. With his instincts haywire with his own Alpha—his supposed Alpha a few feet away from him—and not coming to talk to him, ignoring him while letting another Alpha touch him—and with the heat just slowly flaring up within him, Merlin noted that it was best if he left. 

He placed the cup on the table and without giving Cenred a reply, he walked out of the living room. He took a few steps away from the place before he had to lean against the walls. His fingers shook and a shudder ran through his body. He gasped as his knees threatened to buckle. He forced himself to walk a few more steps to reach the entrance before he felt it. 

His blood ran cold and his eyes widened. 

A wet trail ran down his thigh, wetting his jeans. 

A whimper escaped his lips as he pressed a palm against the wall, sliding down until he was crouching. He forced himself to breathe, wrecking his brain as to why he was in pre-heat. 

Because he was.

He was in pre-heat this entire day and now, he was going into heat before he could even blink. 

Terrified at the development, he touched his jeans pockets, fumbling out his phone to call Gwaine. His eyes burned with unshed tears, worried and scared at the predicament he was in. He knew his pheromones and scent weren’t as pungent at the moment. He wasn’t so far gone—but if he stayed here—there was no saying what would happen. 

He found Gwaine’s contact number and was about to press it when a hand touched his shoulder. He pulled away, scrambling to sit down and drag himself away from the presence. The smell of ash penetrated his mind and it made his Omega cower in fear. 

Cenred grinned, his brown eyes had a hint of red in them. “I thought you smelled off. So, you’re in heat.”

“Fuck off,” Merlin said, eyes narrowed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Me?” Cenred said as he shrugged, taking a step closer to the Omega. “I’m thinking that maybe I’m one lucky Alpha. You’re exactly my type so why don’t I help you with that heat, hm?”

Fear crawled into his veins. Merlin opened his mouth to scream, just to catch attention, anything because he wasn’t an idiot who was about to be paralysed just because some knothead decided to become a criminal. It was then the scent of pine trees wafted into the air. 

This time, Merlin couldn’t hold back a whine. “Arthur.”

Cenred furrowed his eyebrows, looking a little confused when a hand grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around. A growl, loud and fierce, pierced through the air. Merlin shuddered at the sound as he forced his lungs to take in deep breaths. 

“Stay away from him,” Arthur said, harsh. 

“What—” Cenred said. “Arthur—the fuck—”

Arthur reached out to grab Cenred’s collar and tugged him close. “Get the fuck away before I put a fist through your face.”

Cenred’s eyes widened, stumbling back when Arthur pushed him away. 

Gwen appeared from the living room, her eyes wide as she took in the commotion. 

Merlin locked eyes with her and felt indignation, humiliation—but most of all— _anger_ coursing through him. 

“Arthur,” he said, finding himself whining a little to catch the Alpha’s attention. 

Arthur snapped his head to look at him and that was when he saw the red eyes. “For fuck’s sakes,” Arthur cursed as he took a few steps closer to Merlin before kneeling down in front of him. “You’re in heat. Fuck.”

“ _Arthur_ ,” Merlin said, his voice breathless. 

Without thinking much about it, he grabbed Arthur’s shirt, trying to drag the Alpha close to him. The scent of pine trees were helping a little to clear his mind from the haze that was desperately trying to take over him. 

“I can’t believe this happened, not again,” Arthur grumbled. “I have to get you home. Come on, let’s go.”

“Don’t leave me,” Merlin said, squeezing his eyes shut as he dragged Arthur close to him. 

He didn’t care anymore of his surroundings now that Arthur was here. Now that _his_ Alpha was here. 

He wanted the blond-haired man to touch him, to hold him. Merlin wanted him. 

And it was terrifying because while he knew half of it was his instincts talking—there was the true part of him, relieved to have Arthur here. 

“I know, I know, I’m here,” Arthur said, reaching out to touch Merlin’s hair, running the fingers through them. 

Merlin melted against the touch. 

“Come on, I need to get you home.” Arthur’s sentence ended with a growl that had the Omega shivering. 

“Arthur?” a voice echoed, sounding worried. “Merlin!”

It was Gwaine’s voice.

“Don’t touch him!” Arthur yelled, startling Gwaine into silence. “ _Stay back_.”

“Arthur, please,” Merlin said, shaking his head as he opened his eyes to look into the red eyes. “Take me home. _Please_.”

Arthur moved then. Before Merlin could stand up to follow, Arthur placed one arm against his back and the other behind him knees, lifting him up. 

“I’m taking him home, don’t follow me,” Arthur said. 

Merlin reached out to touch Arthur’s face, blinking a few times as he felt the warmth of the skin seeping into his. He was vaguely aware that the Alpha had marched out of the house, strides quick as he headed to his car. Merlin whined a little, gripping on Arthur when the Alpha opened the passenger seat door and tried to get Merlin to sit on the seat.

“I’m here, okay?” Arthur said, touching on Merlin’s knuckles. “Just, let’s get you home, okay?”

“Arthur, I—” Merlin said, trying to get out the words. “I’m sorry.”

“No, fuck, _don’t_ ,” Arthur said, teeth gritting. “ _Stay_.”

It was an order. An order that was meant to be followed. Merlin felt his heart constricting in his chest as his hands were pulled away from his shirt and Arthur stepped back. The Alpha slammed the door shut, hurrying to get to the other side of the car to get into the driver seat. Merlin looked to see Gwaine, Gwen and Percival standing at the doorstep, eyes furrowed and worried looks on their faces.

Gwen looked upset and confused. 

Merlin’s heart ached, knowing full well that despite it all, he had caused this havoc. 

He had ruined Percival’s birthday party and Gwen—

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, the urge to plead for forgiveness strong. He gasped as a wave of heat started to wash over him. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shut up,” Arthur growled. “Just, fucking shut up.”

Merlin wanted to curl up, wanted to make himself look smaller, but most of all, he just wanted Arthur to hold him. He wanted the scent of pine trees to fill him up from within and wrap around him like a warm blanket, like a safety net. 

The ride felt long. Merlin was at the verge of just sobbing when he felt the third wave of heat hitting him without mercy, his body felt tired and he felt wet. 

It was disgusting and he wanted this to end. 

He didn’t know why his heat was triggered. 

Where had he gone wrong? 

He scrambled to move when Arthur stopped the car, parking it. The Alpha got out of the car and opened the passenger seat. Merlin immediately went to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as he tried to bury his nose against the scent glands. 

A hand touched his hair and another on his back before hauling him from the car. 

“Come on,” Arthur said, sounding off. 

Merlin allowed himself to be pulled to the flat building. He didn’t protest when he was halfway forced to be carried to get to his floor. 

“Keys,” Arthur said. 

“Pockets,” Merlin mumbled, trying to keep his sanity and coherency intact as he fought off another wave of the heat. 

Merlin tried to fish out the keys, barely getting it out before Arthur placed him on his feet, one arm around his waist as he fetched it out of his pockets for him. The Alpha opened the door and Merlin’s knees buckled when the familiar scent of his home hit him. 

He groaned as he slid to the floor, placing his heated cheek against the cool floor. Arthur slammed the door shut, taking off his shoes before he crouched in front of the brunet. A hand touched his cheeks, caressing it before he gripped the Omega’s arm. He gently pulled Merlin to sit and the brunet grimaced at the wet feeling. 

He gripped Arthur tight as the Alpha carried him to the bedroom, placing him on the bed. 

“Too hot, too hot,” Merlin mumbled as he took off his clothes, had half a mind left to pull himself under the covers before he stripped himself naked. 

He tossed the clothes on the floor before lying on the pillow, whimpering as he started to sweat. 

“It’s not enough,” Merlin said, looking at Arthur who was looking at him from the edge of the bed, fingers curled into fists. 

He knew he shouldn’t. 

Merlin knew he _shouldn’t_. 

Arthur _wasn’t_ his. 

But he was so sick of feeling like this. 

He was sick of feeling pushed away—unwanted. Arthur kept playing this push and pull game and Merlin wanted to give up. 

Would it be so bad to have his supposed Alpha just for one time?

“Arthur,” Merlin said, his voice barely above a whisper as he pushed himself to sit up, slick wetting his bed. 

Arthur bent down a fraction, his eyes closed as he swayed a bit. “I need—I need to leave.”

“Arthur,” Merlin whined then, sitting on his knees as he tried to gasp on the blond. 

Was Merlin going to do this?

He wasn’t that far gone yet.

He could still make the right decision and send Arthur away.

He was coherent enough to consent and he knew—Arthur would never touch him otherwise. 

And he wanted Arthur.

Arthur was _his_ Alpha. 

Another wave of heat and this time, it was accompanied by this huge sense of loss and pain. A noise crawled out of his mouth and tears burned in his eyes, running down his cheeks. He tried to muffle a sob but it escaped his lips anyway.

Arthur snapped his head up, his eyes now completely red. 

“What? Why are you crying?” Arthur said, voice frantic as he scrambled to come closer, pressing one knee on the bed. 

He halted, his hands outstretched to touch Merlin, but he didn’t dare to actually land his hands on the hot skin. 

“I need you,” Merlin said as he grabbed on the fingers tight. “Please, Arthur. Stay. You’re _my_ Alpha. Please. Don’t do this again. I can’t—I _need_ you.”

“No, no,” Arthur said, shaking his head. “No, Merlin, you’re—you’re not in the right mind and I—”

“I _need_ you,” the brunet emphasised. “I’m still in the right mind. I can still consent. Please. Please, I’m saying yes. Just _touch_ me.”

It was like he burned Arthur because the next thing he knew, Arthur pulled away completely, stumbling back a few steps. He was shaking his head and Merlin felt empty. 

Anger then coursed into his veins. “Why do you keep _doing_ this to me?”

Arthur remained silent as he pressed his back against the wall, rubbing both hands down his face. “I can’t. Merlin—I can’t do this. I’m not—I _can’t_.”

The Omega whined louder, trembling as he shook his head. 

“I thought I was your True Pair,” Merlin said, clutching the blanket around him. “I thought I _meant_ something to you.”

“You do,” Arthur said, barely above a whisper. “You do, Merlin. But I can’t do this.”

Upset and humiliated at the rejection from the one person he thought was made for him, he landed on his back and took in shuddering deep breaths. 

“Then leave!” Merlin yelled. “I needed you, I consent to you and you’re going to let your Omega _suffer_. So, leave then. Such a cruel man. I’m in heat most likely because of you and you’re going to _leave_.”

Merlin hadn’t realised he was crying until he heard the Alpha moving to come closer to him, crooning before his hands touched his face. 

“Why won’t you want me?” Merlin whispered as he opened his eyes to look at the blond-haired man.

“Because we don’t love each other, Merlin,” the Alpha said, sitting at the edge of the bed to look at him. 

Arthur was shaking, the blue colour seeping through the red. 

Merlin frowned as he touched Arthur’s face, bringing it down so they were close. “But I _like_ you.”

Arthur’s eyes widened and Merlin felt his own heartbeat stopped beating for a second. 

“No, no you don’t,” Arthur said. “This is just the heat talking.”

“I’m not in full heat yet!” Merlin yelled, exasperated. “I can still consent. Please, Arthur.”

Sure, he wasn’t about to completely admit it that he liked the Alpha. He didn’t even know him that well but he still liked him. As a person, Merlin still liked him.

Arthur was about to protest when Merlin dragged his face down and kissed him. 

Maybe it was an unfair tactic but Merlin wanted him. 

Gwen could have him for the rest of her life but for now—Merlin needed him. 

He wanted to know how Arthur would treat him if he was his Omega for good. He wanted to be loved—for just once in his life. 

It was just a little unfortunate his heat was the thing that drove him to actually claim what he wanted. 

Arthur pulled away a little, groaning under his breath. “Can’t—Merlin, please, I won’t be able to leave if you keep at it.”

“Don’t leave,” Merlin whispered as he kissed him again. 

Arthur tried to resist for a second before he touched Merlin’s hands on his face and kissed him back. He pulled away, breathing hard as he looked into the eyes. 

“Please, Arthur,” Merlin said, eyes brimming with tears again. “Just this once. I _promise_. Just this once.”

Arthur looked conflicted and Merlin would be feeling sorry for him if he had been anyone else. 

But this was his Alpha. 

He was selfish and he wanted Arthur. 

“Please,” Merlin said, whining as tears slid down his face. “I consent so help me just this once. I don’t feel safe right now, Arthur. Help me make me feel safe.”

Arthur’s jaw tightened before he touched the brunet’s face, caressing his cheeks and brushed the sweaty hair away from his forehead. 

“Can’t believe I’m doing this,” Arthur whispered as he pressed his lips against his forehead. “I have Gwen—”

“You’re _mine_ ,” Merlin gritted out as he gripped on Arthur’s face. “Don’t mention her name here.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Arthur whispered and Merlin knew—he knew, he could feel it with every word whispered against his skin that he felt guilty. “God, what am I doing? I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“ _Please_.”

It was then he watched Arthur’s defences fall. 

“Just this once,” Arthur said and it sounded like a mantra aimed at himself. 

His warm fingers touched Merlin’s bare neck before they dragged down his chest. Then, Arthur leaned in close, lips about to touch. Their eyes met and Merlin watched him map out his face.

“Just this once,” Arthur whispered and then kissed him. 

Merlin kissed him back, wrapping his arms against his body and dragged him over him so that the Alpha could press him down on the bed properly. 

He immediately felt safe. 

He felt like he had come home when the scent of pine trees soaked into his skin. 

Everywhere Arthur touched, it felt like he had been brought alive.

His miserable heat became something bearable then. 

He watched the ocean-blue eyes shimmer, a shade darker and full of lust and Merlin let himself believe that he saw love in there too—even if there might not be any. 

He submitted to the pleasure and his trust to Arthur. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: Here you guys go! This is a little shorter, but still long I suppose haha I hope this plot progression makes sense. This is my first time in this world so I feel a little lost-- But I'm trying my best haha Thank you to those who have read, commented, subscribed, bookmarked and gave this story kudos! 
> 
> Also, the next chapter is not the ending! I'll be adding more chapters as I write so there's no definite number of chapters, honestly. I planned out for 6-8 chapters for now, but I'm still expanding the plot, so who knows! So, I changed to 8 chapters now. :)) 
> 
> Thanks! Until next chapter which will be in like 2-4 days as per usual! :D -Krystal

 

Merlin groaned under his breath, his entire body ached as he tried to move. He forced himself to open his eyes, a headache starting to form around his temples. He knew he was on his bed, his memories were a little fuzzy but he knew that much at least. His fingers twitched as he forced them to let go of the sheets. The stiffness in his limbs made him want to whimper. He took in a deep breath, turning his head to the side to get a look at what happened. 

He remembered with clarity from the very beginning of warmth. And the scent of pine trees. 

A smell of home and comfort. 

It was still in the air, wafting and he relaxed a little. 

Voices murmured slowly, lowly and Merlin blinked a few more times to get his mind and his eyes to focus. Sitting at the edge of the bed with only his dark-blue briefs was Arthur, his shoulders hunched as his phone was against his ear. 

Merlin stopped breathing for a second, taking in the expanse of the broad back. He had pale skin even in the dark, and the muscles underneath moved every time Arthur shifted. The Omega’s throat dried, his left hand reached out without thinking, his fingers about to touch the body. 

“Gwen, I’m sorry,” Arthur said, his voice sounded strained, upset. 

And his fingers froze in air. 

His eyes widened and his mind cleared up, sharpening. 

“Yeah, I’ll explain it to you properly when I get back,” Arthur said. “But just—I’m _sorry_. I couldn’t do it.”

The brunet didn’t have time to stop the whine that escaped his lips, reverberating loud in the air. Arthur stilled, throwing a hasty goodbye and turned around, letting his hand fall on his lap. His ocean-blue eyes met Merlin’s icy-blue ones and the air between them shifted. They stared at each other before Merlin frowned, placing his elbows on the mattress and pushed himself to sit up. 

He winced when he felt wet everywhere, feeling a little disgusted. 

Arthur placed his phone on the bedside table, turning his body completely to face the brunet. He ran his fingers through his already messy hair, his lips red were a little swollen as he opened his mouth to speak. 

Before he could say anything though, Merlin said, “That was Gwen.”

Arthur winced, nodding. “I needed to tell her where I was.”

Merlin let that settle into his mind, feeling insecurity washing into him. Now that his mind wasn’t clouded by the haze, he was aware that he was naked underneath the blanket. Arthur didn’t say anything else, instead he moved to get out of the bed. 

Panic washed into him and before he could think about it, he had moved and grabbed hold of Arthur’s left arm. His eyes were wide and his heart raced against his chest. Arthur looked at him, alarmed. 

“Hey, no, I’m not going anywhere,” Arthur said, pressing a hand against Merlin’s cheek. 

The Omega purred within him, and with conflicting emotions, he leaned into the touch. He huffed a soft breath, tightening his grip on the hand. He scooted closer, wanting the Alpha to be nearer. The hand travelled from his face to his hair, pushing some strands of the hair away from him face. Arthur leaned in close and pressed his forehead against the slightly hotter skin. 

“You still feel a little warm,” Arthur murmured. “I’m going to grab something for you to drink and see if there’s anything to eat.”

Hearing that Arthur was leaving made him want to keep the Alpha rooted to his bed. Close to him so he wouldn’t leave. The blond-haired man seemed to notice this and he moved to be closer to the brunet. A small sigh escaped his lips as he sat next to Merlin. He tossed an arm across his shoulders and dragged him close. Merlin immediately wrapped an arm across the broad chest, placing his head against it. 

His cheeks flushed and his heart squeezed in his chest as he remembered how they fell into bed. While he felt guilty, so guilty for having to do this to Arthur—to Gwen—he didn’t regret it. The strength in the body he was holding made him feel safe, wanted—and the hurt his Omega had felt for weeks went away. 

Arthur placed a hand at the back of Merlin’s head, his fingers running through the hair. His finger pads pressed against the scalp making the brunet melt against him. The slight headache started to disappear the longer Arthur gently massaged his head. 

But Merlin knew that the blond-haired man was probably doing this because his instincts made him. 

If he could leave, he was sure Arthur would have left by now. 

He closed his eyes shut for a second, forcing himself to take in a deep breath.

His heat was gone, his scent wasn’t as strong and if Arthur wanted to run away, Merlin would let him. Because he had a taste of what it felt like to be with Arthur. 

The soft touches, the way the blond-haired man pressed his lips against his own, the way the fingers touched him like he was made out of glass—he had felt cherished and loved. 

The Omega would hold onto them close to his chest forever. 

Merlin opened his mouth to speak when Arthur touched his cheek with his other hand. The fingers dragged until it reached to his chin. His face was tilted back a little, meeting the ocean-blue eyes that searched his icy-blue ones. 

His throat dried and the quiet between them suddenly felt a little heavy. 

Arthur’s thumb caressed his bottom lip, a gentle motion that had Merlin feeling warmer than before. 

“I’m going to the kitchen for a bit, okay?” the Alpha said, his voice soft. 

Merlin blinked once, closing his eyes for a second when Arthur leaned in close and pressed his lips against his. 

Before the Omega could say anything, Arthur had slowly untangled his limbs away from his body, making sure Merlin had been tucked underneath the blankets before he got out of bed. He looked at the brunet, who had his eyes opened now to stare at the Alpha before he looked at the sheets. 

“We also need to change the bedsheets,” Arthur said, almost murmuring. “We’ll do that once I get something from the kitchen.”

Merlin’s mind went blank as he nodded, unsure of what was happening. 

There was small nagging feeling at the back of his mind telling him that Arthur was supposed to leave. And then, there was trickles of hope—Maybe the Alpha had chosen to stay?

Arthur walked away from the bedroom and Merlin stared at his retreating back. There was the panic that the blond-haired man might leave but he managed to tamper it down, holding onto the fact that the man promised to be back after he got something from the kitchen. 

He kept his eyes on the entrance, his heart beating loudly against his chest. 

A few minutes passed and then, Arthur walked back into the room, a jar of water in his hands and plates of crackers and other snacks. The Alpha moved to place them on the bedside table, glancing at Merlin with a wary smile. A sigh escaped his lips, but they sounded—fond, almost. 

“You have nothing in your kitchen, you idiot,” he said, though his voice was soft, comforting. 

Arthur touched Merlin’s cheek with the back of his hand, caressing them. Merlin sniffed a little, shrugging. 

“Sorry,” Merlin said, croaking.

He winced when his throat ached. 

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows, a frown replaced the smile. He grabbed a cup he brought along with the jar and poured the water into it. He, then, sat next to Merlin and placed one hand at the back of his head, burying his fingers into the tangled hair. With the other hand, he brought the rim of the cup against Merlin’s lips.

The Omega immediately latched his lips on the cup, drinking the water. He reached to wrap one hand around Arthur’s wrist that was holding the cup, gulping the water. 

“Easy,” Arthur murmured, sounding close to his ear.

Merlin coughed a little, managing to get all of the water down his throat. He smacked his lips when Arthur pulled the cup away, a hand touching his hair to brush them away from his forehead. It was a gentle touch, one that was filled with promise and it made the pit of his stomach flutter. 

“Come on,” Arthur said, standing up. “Stand up. Grab a shower while I clean this up.”

Blushing red, he stuttered, “I—I’ll clean up—”

“Merlin.” Arthur looked at him, his voice firm.

The brunet shut his mouth, feeling more than awkward in his skin. He nodded, pointing at the cupboards. “The new sheets are in there.” 

Arthur turned to look at where the Omega was pointing. “Right, go on then. Go shower.” After a second, he looked at the brunet. “Unless, do you need my help?”

“No!” Merlin blurted out, reddening as he mentally slapped himself. “No, I mean. I’ll be fine.”

With that said, he forced his legs to move, wincing a little at how sore they felt. He managed to stand up, though and walked to the cupboard, opening the doors to grab a loose shirt and a pair of boxers. He would be shy that he was naked if it had been any other time, but for now when he was just plain confused and little hopeful, he didn’t find it in himself to be so. 

Once he showered and managed to wear the clothes, noting that they didn’t irritate his sensitive skin, he walked out of the bathroom. Arthur was pouring a bag of crisps into a bowl, the bedsheets changed and pillows arranged. He looked at Merlin before he smiled a little. 

Merlin remained standing there. 

“Come here,” Arthur said as he placed the now half-empty bag of crisps on the bedside table. 

Merlin walked to Arthur, eyes dropping on the snack. Arthur grabbed one and handed it to Merlin, raising his eyebrows when the Omega took it, carefully. “Here, sit down and eat these. There’s water in that cup. I’ll go shower.”

The brunet took the bowl from his hands, sitting down at the edge of the bed. He let the bowl sit on his lap as he watched the Alpha move to the cupboard, rummaging around until he found a towel. He stilled for a second when he closed the doors, looking at Merlin.

“And then,” Arthur said. “We need to talk.”

The Omega winced, eyes dropping to the crisps and munching on the one he had in his hands, not answering Arthur.

 

***

 

He swallowed the suppressant pills, drinking the water. He patted his stomach that was full of crisps and looked at Arthur, who was watching him carefully as he sat in front of him in his boxers and one of Merlin’s completely oversized shirt he found. They were silent for a minute as the brunet wracked his brain to say something.

Because he knew, there were a lot of things to say to him. 

If he was being honest, he was feeling more guilty than anything now. 

He could have resisted, he could have told Arthur to leave. 

He should have. 

But with his instincts screaming at him to grab Arthur by his hands, the irrational need to keep him away from Gwen—and the thought that he could have him just this once—he let it happen. 

Arthur wasn’t completely at fault at this. It was Merlin’s fault too. 

Merlin placed the half-filled glass of water on the bedside table, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry.”

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows before he sighed. “Why are you sorry?”

“I,” Merlin said. “I forced you to stay. I—wanted you to stay even though I knew better.”

“You were in heat,” Arthur said, deadpanning. “I should’ve been the one who knew better. I should’ve known better.”

Merlin thinned his lips. 

He had never gone into heat in public before, and it happened _twice_. And Arthur was near, he felt homely, he felt safe so Merlin had clung to him. But when Arthur had dropped him home—he should’ve pushed the Alpha away. 

“I was still coherent,” Merlin said. “I wanted you even when I could’ve resisted.”

“Merlin,” Arthur said, shaking his head. “We both messed up, let’s just leave it at that then.”

It didn’t please the brunet but at least his worries weren’t glossed over. He interlocked his fingers, shoulders tense as he wondered what else to say. 

“I called Gwen,” Arthur said. “I told her what happened.”

Merlin’s eyes widened, snapping to look at the blond-haired man. “What?”

“I can’t lie to her,” the Alpha said, a frown on his lips. “When I first met you, I knew I had to tell her. So, I did. She was the one who agreed on the idea of meeting you once a week. I refused to do that to her—to you—it isn’t fair for the both of you. But, she insisted, saying that I looked awful the longer I ignored my instincts.”

The Omega let that settle in his mind. “Gwen was…okay with this? She—”

“She’s understanding,” Arthur said. “But. I don’t think she’ll be understanding about this.”

Merlin knew he was referring to them sleeping together. 

He doubted anyone would be that understanding. 

“What are you going to do now?” Merlin asked. 

Arthur looked a little lost. “The only thing I have to do, Merlin.”

The brunet’s heart stuttered in his chest when the Alpha continued, “I have to break it off with her.”

Silence rang in the scene. 

Merlin held his breath. He stared at Arthur, trying to scan his face for what he was feeling but all he could find was this blank look. A huge wash of regret—guilt—relief—slammed into him right there and then. He bit his inner cheek from letting a gasp escape his mouth. 

Arthur sighed, loudly. “ _Damn_.”

“You love her,” Merlin said, curling his fingers into a fist. 

“Yes,” Arthur said, laughing a little, hollow. “Yes, God, I do. But. I don't deserve her. This isn’t what I wanted for us. And I can’t do anything about it now.”

“I’m…,” Merlin said but he swallowed the words.

Because they weren’t right. 

This wasn’t the life he truly planned, either. 

“I’ll talk to her,” Arthur said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll cross the bridge later. And…”

“And?” 

“And when I get some answers, solutions,” Arthur spoke, voice quiet as he eyed Merlin. “We’ll deal with us.”

_Us._

Merlin closed his eyes for a second as he took in a deep breath. “You think there’s an us?”

“I don’t know,” Arthur said. “But we can’t ignore this.”

The Omega opened his eyes, knowing Arthur was right. He didn’t say anything on the matter, however, preferring it to be left unanswered. 

“Are you on birth control?” Arthur asked, changing the subject. 

Merlin blinked at the jump in topics but he didn’t question it. He nodded, resisting the urge to press his hands against his stomach. It wasn’t the right time. Children would only complicate things at the moment, not when both of them unsure of where they stood. 

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “I’m on birth control. You don’t have to worry about it.”

Arthur opened his mouth before he closed them, nodding once. 

Something bitter crawled in his throat at the thought of a kid. He wanted a child of his own. He did—but he wasn’t sure if that chance would even appear. He bit his bottom lip, wondering if he should tell Arthur of this—and then decided it was best to be honest while they still were. 

“It’s not,” Merlin started, voice hitching in his throat. “I—It’s not like anything will happened—even…even if I’m not on birth control.”

The air between them shifted as Arthur sat up straighter. “What?”

Merlin huffed a breath little, trying to compose this turbulence of emotions within him as the past threatened to wash into his mind. But just like it had been whenever this topic came up, he couldn’t stop the anger, the frustration and the utter helplessness he had felt when he found out about himself about this—about what it meant to his dream on having a child. 

“I can’t have children,” Merlin said, swallowing the thick feeling in his throat, dropping his gaze on the sheets. “Because I was put under suppressants from the very first heat cycle I ever had. I was put under the ones that were a bit too stronger than what my body should have been used to and it stopped me from developing a strong womb. I—I’ll have a really hard time conceiving even if I want to and—I’m in danger of becoming completely infertile.”

“Why,” Arthur said, his voice sounding strange. “Why were you put under suppressants from your very first heat cycle?”

Merlin wondered if he wanted to open that can of worms. 

But Arthur was here. 

He was here—deciding to stay here to talk to him as his entire life changed—he found himself wanted to be honest. 

“Being an Omega in my family is a disgrace,” Merlin said, voice bitter as his eyes burned with unshed tears. “I was thirteen when I presented. Mum came home from work and she took one look at me and fed me her suppressants. Father was to never find out I was a— _disgrace_.” 

The brunet shrugged, feeling the helplessness increasing. He pressed both hands against his own eyes, wiping the tears away. 

“But he did find out,” Merlin said, whispering as he dropped his hands to his lap. “When Mum died, when I was fourteen, he found out. And my life had been hell. I spent most of my time in Gwaine’s house to escape from his verbal abuse and his views on Omegas.”

Merlin’s bottom lip wobbled but he tried very hard not to let himself go. 

This was something in the past. 

This shouldn’t be affecting him now. He was bloody twenty-five-years-old now. He was an adult man. 

He didn’t notice Arthur had moved closer to him. A gasp escaped his lips when the Alpha wrapped his arms around Merlin and dragged him close to his chest. A pair of lips pressed against his hair as he was arranged to be pressed against the stronger body. 

The brunet froze for a second before he flung his arms around the torso to hug him back, pressing his face against the shirt. 

“Bloody hell,” Arthur murmured. “I can’t believe they did that to you.”

Merlin couldn’t find the words in his mind to convey how much he had felt alone at that time. In a small town away from London where Omegas were rare and not looked at favourably—Gwaine had been the only one who he could rely on and even he couldn’t have understood the pain he had felt. 

“I don’t trust anyone,” Merlin said. “I can’t trust anyone in case they have such values about Omegas. I don’t trust Alphas for this reason, either.”

“Was your father an Alpha?”

“Yes.” Merlin squeezed his eyes shut as the grip on his body tightened. “He was old-fashioned. Everyone where I lived were old-fashioned. Mum tried to protect me.”

Arthur didn’t say anything but it was clear from the way he was holding on the brunet that he wasn’t happy. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” the blond-haired man whispered against him. 

Merlin remained quiet, letting himself be in his embrace. 

“I don’t usually do this,” Merlin said. “But I couldn’t push you away. I couldn’t—ignore you. Or let you go. You’re not like anyone else.”

Arthur huffed a breath but it sounded a little strained. “Same here. It’s just our instincts. It’s not us. Not really. At the end, we’re just slaves to our instincts, aren’t we?”

The brunet wished he could deny that. 

But if he had never met Arthur, he wouldn’t be in this mess. If his biology didn’t decide it met its match—it wouldn’t have made him want Arthur more than he wanted anyone else.

In such a short time, his entire world had been turned upside down and he wished he could turn back time and never entered that cafe. 

He knew Arthur was probably wishing for that too. 

“What a mess we are,” Merlin said. 

“Yeah.”

 

***

 

“I’ll be back in a week,” Arthur said, running his fingers through his hair as he stood at the entrance of the flat. 

He had his hands in his jeans’ pockets, looking ruffled and tired. Merlin nodded, heart hammering against his chest as he wondered if the blond-haired man would return. 

“If you need me,” the Alpha said. “You can contact me anytime, okay?”

“Alright,” Merlin said. 

Arthur seemed to hesitate for a second before he nodded, walking away. The brunet watched him leave until his back disappeared from his sight. He let out a breath he was holding, forcing his body to move back into his house, closing the door shut. He walked to the living room and slumped on the sofa, grabbing his phone. The small flat of his smelt of pine trees, making it hard for the brunet to actually want to leave his home. 

He sighed as he called Gwaine, waiting for the Beta to answer. 

And he did after the first ring.

“Merlin!” Gwaine said, voice loud. “Are you alright? Should I come over?”

“I’m fine,” Merlin said, a soft smile crossing his lips. 

“God,” Gwaine said with a sigh. “Arthur called sometime an hour after you guys left and said you were fine and he’ll take care of you.”

His cheeks tinted red. “He did take care of me. Or more like…I made him.”

“You—made him?”

“I—I don’t know what came over me but,” Merlin said, looking at his free hand. “I wanted him to stay, Gwaine. I wasn’t that gone and I wanted him to stay. I kissed him first. I made him stay.”

Gwaine remained quiet for a second. “What happened then?”

“Arthur stayed,” Merlin said. “He stayed, took care of me, and then—we talked a little.”

“What did you guys talk about?”

“He said he’s going to leave Gwen,” Merlin blurted out. 

“Oh wow,” Gwaine said, sounding surprised. 

“He slept with me, Gwaine,” Merlin said, placing the hand on his face. “I—”

“Yeah, no, I mean, I think that’s the right thing what he’s doing,” Gwaine said, hushed. 

“He said he’ll talk to her, deal with this,” Merlin said. “And then, we’ll talk about us.”

The brunet took in a deep breath, pulling his hand away from his face to place it on his stomach. He didn’t mention to Gwaine that he had told Arthur about the side affect from the suppressants. He didn’t think Gwaine should worry about that. At least, not until Merlin knew what Arthur was about to think about it later on. 

“I should have pushed him away,” Merlin said. “Then, I wouldn’t have messed up both of our lives.”

Gwaine hummed. “What did Arthur say about this?”

“He agreed to disagree,” Merlin said, shrugging. “I never thought I would be one of those people who would sit here pining away. Never thought I’d be one of those Omegas craving for an Alpha to come make them happy.”

“You’re definitely not one of them,” Gwaine said with a slight chuckle. “But maybe you were just waiting for the right one.”

“Arthur is the right one, then?” Merlin couldn’t help but to smile a little, ruefully. “Because it sure seems to be a lot of work for someone who is supposedly the right one.”

“A relationship isn’t that easy,” Gwaine said. “And love isn’t that easy. It takes time and effort.”

“Wonderful.” Merlin sighed. “I guess I’ll know after one week, huh?”

“A week?” 

“He said he needed time to deal with everything first,” Merlin said. “And—I think I need the time too.”

Gwaine remained silent but Merlin knew he agreed.

 

***

 

A week seemed like a long time. The Omega within him wasn’t completely stressed out like it had been before the heat with Arthur but it wasn’t completely silent either. He hadn’t heard a word from Arthur since two days ago and Merlin didn’t gather enough courage to reach out to him as well. 

He felt like a coward all of a sudden. 

Merlin knew he was the one who pulled Arthur into this, even when the blond-haired man had tried to leave him be. He should at least be putting some effort into this but he didn’t. 

With the instincts subdued for a little while, with this jittery feeling stripped away from his mind for a few days, he was about to think clearer than before. If he could slap himself for acting out like this, he would have. 

This was so stupid, this entire situation. 

His True Pair Alpha was an engaged man—in love with a Beta woman. 

Sure, that stung. 

But Merlin had a stance in his life that he didn’t need anyone—definitely not an Alpha to dictate his every move or give him happiness. 

And yet, when Arthur walked into his life, here he was. 

Doing just that—doing the things he promised he wouldn’t do. 

He was only glad Arthur was just as confused as he was—had the same urges as he did and that Merlin hadn’t gone batshite crazy alone. 

He pushed those thoughts away, deciding to clean up the mess his kids had left behind. He rubbed the back of his neck, frowning a little as he put away the bottles of paint and brushes. His phone rang in the empty classroom then, startling him. The brunet pulled out his phone from his pockets, noting that an unknown person was calling him. 

Hesitating only for a second, he answered it, a little surprised when he heard a woman’s voice. 

“Is this Merlin?” 

“Uh, yes,” the Omega said, looking at the carpeted floor with his eyebrows furrowed. “Who’s this?”

A few seconds of silence went by and Merlin wondered if the person was ever going to answer him. He was about to speak again when the woman answered.

“Guinevere. I’m—Guinevere. Gwen. Arthur’s…” The words were trailed of and met with silence once more. 

But the implication was clear in the air. The weight the words carried were not imagined. Merlin’s throat went dry and he gripped his phone tighter. 

“Hi,” Merlin said, at a loss on what to say. “What—what can I do for you?”

“Can you meet me now?” she asked, sounding unsure. 

“Yeah, sure,” the brunet said. “Where?”

“Do you know the small deli next to the bookstore?” Gwen said. 

“Yes.”

“I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes.” She sounded a bit more confident now and Merlin couldn’t help but to feel a little nervous. 

“Yes, alright, see you then.”

The phone call ended and Merlin was left with his heart beating loudly against his chest. He stared at his phone, knowing why she would call him. She must had gotten his number from Arthur. 

And that wasn’t assuring at all.

 

***

 

He supposed she had the right to treat him however she liked when they met. He had stolen her guy after all. If Merlin had been in her shoes, he would have flipped out instantly. The fact she knew about him from the get go, however, was mind-boggling. 

What type of a saint would do that?

Merlin wasn’t sure what he was going to be getting from her. 

When he entered the deli, he looked around the place, spotting her immediately as she waved from one of the booths she was in. He hesitated for a second, swallowing a lump that formed in his throat. With a deep breath, he forced his body to move and he walked to where she was. 

Gwen looked at him when he sat down in front of her. 

She smiled a little before she said, “Do you want to get anything?”

“No, I’m fine, thanks,” Merlin said, pasting on a smile on his face as well. 

A second of silence later, Gwen nodded once, looking at her hands that were clasped on the table. “I believe you know why I’m here.”

“Yes,” Merlin said, not beating around the bush. “I think I do. It’s about Arthur.”

Gwen smiled. “Yes.”

“I,” Merlin started but the words got stuck in his throat. 

How was he to tell her he was sorry? 

He was sorry he had to hurt her. 

He was sorry there was such thing as a True Pair. 

He was just sorry. 

But he couldn’t get the apology out. 

“Arthur has told me you are his True Pair,” Gwen said, her voice calm. “Frankly, I didn’t want to believe that biology can force people to get together. But that was before I met you that day.”

The day where Merlin was at death’s doorstep if Arthur hadn’t pulled him away from the road—he shuddered a little thinking about that. 

“Arthur—he was different,” Gwen said with a sigh. “When he told me about you, I thought there isn’t any harm letting him meet you every once a week. But I was wrong. I didn’t understand what truly was happening. And…I honestly don’t still. I—I am…”

Merlin felt his heart squeeze when he heard the wobble in her voice. 

“I’m angry,” Gwen said. “Angry that this had to happen now of all time. But at the same time, I’m—I’m a little relieved.”

Merlin let that sink in his head. “Relieved?”

“I…,” Gwen said, looking at him. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to marry him.”

Merlin wisely didn’t ask her to clarify. It wasn’t his business. But he wondered how Arthur took to that news. He had wanted to be with Gwen. 

And now, he couldn’t. 

“But I still feel like I was tossed aside nevertheless,” Gwen said. “I suppose I still can’t wrap my head around the fact he had to be with you.”

“He…,” Merlin said. “He isn’t with me. I—It wasn’t his choice to leave you. He just—”

“Had to,” Gwen spoke, completing the sentence for him. “Compelled to. Just like you are compelled to be with him. Because—you are his True Pair.”

Merlin thinned his lips, dropping his gaze to the table. “Yes.”

Gwen stopped talking then and for a minute, no one said anything. “He told me he took care of you when you were in heat. He said he made the decision to do that. And then said, he had tried to ignore this thing between the two of you but he failed. At the end, he thought it’s best if he ended things with me.”

“I’m sorry.” Merlin squeezed his eyes for a second before opening them up to look at her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to come into his life and ruin things between you two. I didn’t want this to happen to me, either.”

“But it happened anyway,” Gwen said. 

“Yes,” Merlin said, not denying it. “It happened anyway. And—I should’ve pushed him away that day. I still could have told him to go home to you. I—didn’t.”

“Did you really think you could have pushed him away?” Gwen asked. 

Merlin opened his mouth to answer and then stopped for a second to really think about the answer. 

“Because, Merlin,” Gwen said, her voice hushed. “Even if you could, I don’t think Arthur could’ve left.”

It was like a bucket of cold ice poured all over him. He grimaced, unable to say anything. 

“I’m still sorry,” Merlin said.

Gwen chuckled a little, catching the Omega’s attention. She had a soft smile on her face and her eyes were filled with pain—and yet—they were understanding. For the first time, Merlin could see why Arthur fell for her. 

“You both have been apologising a lot to me,” Gwen said. “Thank you. I—I suppose as a Beta, I can never understand what you two have. And—I suppose I don’t want to.”

“If I hadn’t walked into his life—”

“You would have either way, one way or the other,” Gwen said. “I heard that a True Pair, if meant to be, are going to cross each other’s lives even if you try to avoid it. It’s better it happened now before we got married.”

“Arthur loves you.”

“And I love him,” Gwen said. “But this entire incident made me wonder if I’m still— _in love_ with him. Because I don’t want to marry him. We’ve been together since we were fifteen. We’re now twenty-seven years old. And—I believe I’m not in love with him anymore. This incident made me realise that.”

Merlin couldn’t help but to still feel a little guilty for hurting her. But Gwen smiled before she nodded. 

“Take care of him for me, Merlin,” Gwen said. “He’s a difficult man but he’s a good one. He seems to show you sides I haven’t seen him from him despite being together for so long. I suppose that should have been a sign.”

Merlin watched her stand up, patting down on her coat before she took in a deep breath. “Thank you for listening. Goodbye.”

Merlin let her walk away, leaving behind the uncertainty of the situation now. She had backed away without truly putting up a fight, and had come to tell him of things he needed to know. 

He frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Gwen didn’t deserve this. Even if it had helped her see that she wasn’t truly in love with Arthur anymore or that she didn’t want to marry him—there were other ways she could have discovered that.

She didn’t have to watch Arthur get snatched away.

Even if at the end of the day, Merlin hadn’t wanted Arthur to be snatched away. 

It didn’t matter.

 

***

 

Arthur was waiting for him at the front of his flat door when he had come back home one day, exactly a week since the Alpha promised he would be back. He was leaning against the wall next to the door, looking at his feet while he had a phone on his other hand. Merlin didn’t greet him, simply let him into his house as he walked to the kitchen, dropping his bag on the table along the way. Arthur had silently followed him inside, the front door clicking shut before he appeared into the kitchen. 

“Gwen came to see me a few days ago,” Merlin said as a greeting, grabbing a cup to pour water in it. 

He turned to face Arthur before he drank it. 

Arthur stilled before he sighed, nodding as he leaned against the fridge. “I guessed she would.”

“She told me things,” Merlin said, looking at him as he placed the cup on the counter.

“I know what she said,” Arthur mumbled, rubbing a hand on his face. 

“Arthur,” Merlin said. “I’m sorry.”

“Can you just stop apologising?” Arthur said, sounding tired. “It’s done. We tried to keep ourselves away and it didn’t work. So, we’ll just have to make do right now.”

“But,” Merlin started, frowning. “I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want.”

“Well, too bad because that’s what’s happening anyway,” Arthur snapped. 

Merlin looked away. “Yeah.”

“I’m—sorry,” Arthur said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. Look, I know you don’t want this either. We both don’t want this but—we just have to make do, okay?”

Merlin nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “So, is that why you’re here?”

Arthur remained quiet, pushing himself away from the fridge before he lessened the distance between them. He grabbed Merlin’s hands and held them in his own, thumbs caressing the skin. Merlin’s heart skipped a beat and his cheeks tinted red as he looked into the ocean blue eyes. 

“I thought about what to do with us,” Arthur said. “I even contemplated disappearing all together.”

Merlin tensed, eyes widening. Arthur smiled, shaking his head.

“Obviously, I didn’t,” Arthur drawled. “I’m not that much of a jerk.”

Merlin dropped his gaze to their hands. “Then, what have you decided?”

“I think we should try,” Arthur said. “I don’t love you. Obviously but—maybe we can learn to love each other.”

The Omega immediately looked at the Alpha, blinking. “W—What?”

Arthur shrugged, looking a bit nervous. “I think we should try. Courting, at the very least.”

“You want to court me?” Merlin said. 

Arthur nodded, thinning his lips before he squeezed their hands. “So, will you try with me?”

“You just left Gwen,” Merlin said.

“I know.” Arthur looked away from Merlin to the ground. “And now I want to court you.”

“Arthur, you don’t have to force yourself,” Merlin said. “I—I don’t want this if you’re forcing yourself.”

“If I don’t do this,” Arthur said, his voice shaking. “Then, we’ll always be after each other. It’ll make our lives complicated. It’s best if—we tried. Maybe we don’t see it—maybe I can’t see it being anything great yet but…I’m willing to try.”

Merlin bit back the urge to cry. He didn’t think this was how he thought his love life to be. Forced into a relationship with his Alpha because of some biology-madness. The primal part of him that cared nothing for how real society worked raged a war all because it wanted Arthur. And the same thing happened to him. 

“So, what do you say?” Arthur asked. 

When Merlin looked into his eyes again, he saw the fear in them. The fear of the unknown and the hope that this would work out, that things might get better. They were both unhappy with how exactly this worked out—but it was happening. 

And Arthur was right. 

If they tried to ignore it, they would be forced to meet up again. 

Things would get even more complicated.

He squeezed Arthur’s hands together. 

“Okay. Okay, let’s try.”

But was it still a right decision?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 
> 
> I'm editing this to let you guys know that I'll be a bit late from the original update date! I'll be updating 2-3 days late from now! Sorry! Hope you guys understand! I'll try to write it as fast as I could within these three days! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!
> 
> A/N: Sorry for the late update! I think I'm starting to get busier nowadays which is sad because I enjoyed fast updates on this! So, I'm thinking of maybe getting a new chapter out every once a week! Unless I have written a new chapter already then I'll post earlier haha For this chapter, I'm not sure of it myself. I liked how it flowed and Arthur being...Arthur. But I also hope that it makes sense with the plot flow at the moment. Aka, I'm nervous I'm fucking up. ;-; 
> 
> Alrighty, so I'll see you guys next Monday with a new chapter (perhaps earlier ;D) and thank you so much for being patient! Thanks for reading this story, bookmarking, subscribing and giving this a kudos! Until the next chapter~! -Krystal

 

 

Merlin knew it was a stupid decision to agree to. Whatever it was that Arthur wanted, it wasn’t aligned with what the Omega wanted. Their whole lives had been turned upside down and the brunet was left wondering where he stood at the moment. 

It had been a few days since Arthur told him he wanted to court him. 

It would have made any Omega happy, even him, if he was being honest—if only the intention of being courted was pure. 

The truth was, Arthur felt forced. 

If it had been any other time, Merlin knew Arthur wouldn’t be doing this. 

Because of that, the Omega wasn’t truly happy with how things developed either. 

He sighed, rubbing a hand down his face as he looked at his phone, lying on his desk. The classroom was empty and the void of children welcomed the silence. The Alpha would call him, at least twice a day to check up on him, but the conversations were always stilted. 

Unnatural. 

When Arthur could afford a bit of time, he would ask Merlin to eat either lunch or dinner with him. 

They never touched since the heat and Merlin wasn’t interested in those either, not when his emotions were a mess.

Not when they were both unsure of what to do. 

His phone rang and Merlin took in a deep breath when Arthur’s name flashed on it. 

For a brief moment, he didn’t want to answer. He didn't want to hear his voice, he didn’t want to listen to what he had to say.

Yet, he knew if he did ignore Arthur, the Alpha would call again later. 

Rubbing a hand down his face, he picked up his phone and answered the call. 

“Hello, Arthur,” Merlin said, letting his body to melt against the chair as he stared at the empty classroom. 

“Merlin,” Arthur greeted him. “Are you done with your work?”

Merlin hummed. “What about you?”

“I’m still at work,” the Alpha said. “I just finished talking to a client.”

The brunet heard some shuffling noises at the back followed by murmurs. He wondered if Arthur was calling him immediately after he had finished with his business and then removed it from his mind. The Alpha didn’t care about him that much to do things like that. 

“Oh, that’s good,” Merlin said, knowing how awkward it sounded, this conversation. 

Arthur didn’t say anything for a while and Merlin let the silence between them stretch. It got to a point that it became somewhat of a white noise, lulling some sense of calmness into the Omega. He huffed a breath, blinking a few times to snap himself out of this daze. 

He sat up straighter, adjusting the phone against his ear before he spoke, “Are you going to be busy the whole day?”

“Yeah,” Arthur said, without hesitation. “I do have a day off tomorrow.”

Merlin dropped his head against the table, letting his forehead to hit against the wood. “Do you now?”

“Yes. What about you?”

“No, I still have work,” the Omega said, shrugging. 

“Are you free in the evening?”

Merlin frowned, going through his schedule in his head. There was a slot open in the evening tomorrow that Merlin had wanted to use to catch up on his favourite series. He bit his bottom lip, wondering if he should cancel that and then stopped himself. The times they did meet, Arthur seemed stressed out. He wasn't engaging and when he did try, he asked all the wrong questions.

It was honestly suffocating to meet with the man. 

“Sorry,” Merlin said. “I’m not free tomorrow evening, either.”

“What are you doing during that time?” Arthur asked, his voice low and a little distracted. 

A little irritated that even through this conversation he couldn’t hold Arthur’s attention, he remained silent. He could feel a pout forming on his lips and thinned his mouth. His cheeks reddened as he stared at his table, wondering for the millionth time what he was doing. 

“Merlin?” Arthur said, sounding a lot more focused. “Answer me.”

“It’s none of your business,” Merlin said, huffing. 

“Right,” the Alpha said. “So, you’re doing nothing then.”

“I am doing something!” Merlin exclaimed, pushing himself to sit up straight. “I’m busy tomorrow night catching up on my favourite series.”

Immediately after the words flew out of his mouth, he knew he had dug himself into a hole. He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. 

“Wonderful,” Arthur said. “I’ll meet you at your place then. We could eat dinner while watching your show.”

The brunet’s heart almost stopped beating, letting that sink into his head. Arthur had wanted to come to his place to watch a show with him? 

The Alpha seemed to be going out of his way to never step into his house again, preferring to meet in public places and making the time they spent together as impersonal as possible. This was on the other side of that spectrum and it did take the Omega aback. 

He pondered that, touching his chest as his heart started to pick up speed. 

It wasn’t like he expected Arthur to invite himself over. This was a shock!

“Alright, I have another meeting to get to,” Arthur said, cutting through his thoughts. “I’ll call you tonight.”

Before Merlin could say anything, the Alpha ended the call, leaving behind a beeping sound of the line in his wake. 

He ended the call and placed the phone on the table, furrowing his eyebrows. 

What had just happened?

 

***

 

Merlin doubted Arthur would show up. He doubted it, but when the clock stroke seven in the evening and his doorbell rung, the brunet knew he couldn’t fool himself anymore. He was nervous, unsure of how to react despite having the Alpha in his house twice now—about to be the third time. He had stood in front of his front door, hesitating until another doorbell accompanied by a knock snapped him out of his thoughts. 

With a deep breath, he opened the door. 

And there was Arthur.

He was standing on the other side of the door, wearing his worn out jeans and a shirt with a hoodie over it, looking a little tired and worn out. In his hands were something that looked like take-out. He raised it and jiggled the plastic bag. 

“Took you long enough,” he said, his lips twitching upwards into a brief smile. “I got Thai.”

Merlin blinked, nodding before he took a few steps back, allowing Arthur to get inside. He closed the door, following the blond to the kitchen where the Alpha placed the take-out bag on the counter. He knew that the blond-haired man was buying take-out and they did agree on Thai, but he didn’t actually think he was coming with it. 

He bit his inner cheek, his heart fluttering in his chest a little as he watched Arthur opening the take-out boxes. 

“Grab the plates,” Arthur said, glancing at him. “Then, I suppose, we can move to the living room.”

Merlin didn’t argue with that, moving around the Alpha to grab the plates. Arthur watched him carefully as he took his portion of the food, looking at the blond-haired man when the Alpha snorted and added more food onto his plate.

“You’re skinny as it is,” he said.

“I am not!” Merlin said, though he didn’t reject Arthur when the man ignored him and added another spoonful of white rice onto his plate. 

They moved to the living room after that, Arthur sitting next to him with a sigh. 

“What are we watching?” Arthur asked as Merlin bent down a little to grab the television remote from the coffee table. 

“I was planning on catching up with X-Files,” Merlin said.

Arthur raised his eyebrows at the Omega. “That’s an old series.”

“I just recently discovered them,” the brunet said with a shrug, not at all ashamed with his show preferences. 

The Alpha shook his head, not replying. He crossed his legs on the couch, taking his plate and spoon and eating his food. Merlin joined him, sitting on the couch once the episode started to play. For a while, nobody said anything and Merlin found himself relaxing into the silence, the only sound being their spoons clinking on their plates and the sounds coming from the tele. 

They were quiet and Merlin found himself liking the silence that greeted them. 

It was comforting. 

It didn’t make him wrack his brain to find a topic to talk about. 

They were here, sitting together and they were doing their own stuff. 

Once the episode was finished, so did their dinner. Merlin had stood up then, automatically taking hold of Arthur’s empty dish as well. The Alpha gave him a smile, one that was small but still sincere. The brunet swallowed a lump that formed in his throat, tossing back a shaky smile as he scurried to the kitchen. 

The dishes were done quickly and Merlin found himself once again sitting on the couch next to Arthur. They were sipping on cans of soda, letting another episode to play. This time, though, the Omega couldn’t really concentrate on the tele. He found himself glancing at the blond-haired man, squirming in his seat as he felt this jitteriness crawling back under his skin. 

He bit back a yelp when Arthur shifted and tossed his arm across Merlin’s shoulder, dragging him close to his side. Rigid, he locked his shoulders and sat straighter, holding his breath as his brain tried to process what had happened. For a few seconds, he didn’t do anything but stare right at the television, hoping that maybe he would forget about this position. 

But then Arthur sighed and he wrapped his fingers around Merlin’s shoulder, tugging him closer. 

“Relax, Merlin,” the blond-haired man said right in his ears. 

Merlin’s cheeks reddened, flinching a little at the hot breath fanning his earlobe. 

“I am relaxed.” 

Arthur snorted, letting his body to melt against the sofa. “Sure.”

The Alpha seemed to have given up in telling him to relax again when silence once more washed into the scene. Merlin took in a deep breath, tossing a glance at Arthur who was now watching the television with an almost bored look on his face. 

Slowly, inch by inch, the Omega felt his body relax. From this close, he could smell the pine tree scent that never failed to relax him. He breathed out a little and before he knew it, he had snuggled up close to Arthur. The arm around his shoulders loosen up before the hand dropped to dangle towards his chest a little. 

It was nice, Merlin admitted. 

The warmth that enveloped him the second he let himself go was nice. 

It spoke of comfort and safety, something that he hadn’t felt. Not even from Gwaine on occasions the Beta would hold him close. 

He tilted his head a little meeting Arthur’s shoulder. 

The awkwardness that seemed to have gotten a hold of him was gone. 

Was this his instincts taking front seat, driving him on how he should react?

He bit his inner cheek, shaking at the circumstance they were in at the moment, thanks to their so-called instincts. 

From one thought to the other, he jumped to the time Arthur had held his hands in his kitchen and told him he wanted to court Merlin. 

And if the Omega was honest with himself, he wondered if this was what courting meant. 

It was—normal.

It wasn’t anything special. 

It was— _boring_.

“Has it always been this slow?” he wondered out loud by accident. 

“What?” Arthur said, sounding confused. 

Merlin blinked, looking at Arthur who had turned his head to look at him. It was only when the Omega noticed that they were almost touching noses that he realised what he had said. Taking in a sharp breath, he sat up straighter, a sheepish look on his face. 

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows before he glanced at the television. 

“Somehow,” the Alpha said, pointing to the show playing. “I don’t think you’re talking about the show.”

Bullseye. 

Merlin shrugged. “Nothing, I just had some things on my mind.”

“And you were busy entertaining said thoughts instead of watching the television because?” the blond-haired man asked as he raised one hand to poke at Merlin’s forehead. 

The Omega scrunched his nose, pulling his head away from the finger, rubbing his forehead. “It’s not like I can shut my brain off.”

Arthur raised his eyebrows, searching his face. He, then, sighed, sitting up straighter before he bent his body to grab the remote on the coffee table. He paused the show before tossing it back on the table, looking straight into Merlin’s eyes. 

The eye-contact had frozen the Omega, suddenly feeling like his own mind wasn’t safe from the prying eyes. He wondered if the Alpha could read his mind. 

He stopped breathing when Arthur touched his face with the back of his palm, grazing his skin softly.

It was such a gentle touch that it stole the brunet’s breath away—confusion, wariness and possibly slight giddiness morphed into his mind to form a mesh of emotions that were indescribable. 

“I’ll listen,” Arthur said. “So, what do you have on your mind?”

Merlin knew from one look at him that the Alpha wasn’t going to let this go. 

“So?” Arthur said. 

“It’s just,” the brunet began, trying to find the right words to convey his thoughts. “I’ve never been courted before.”

Arthur nodded but his face spoke volumes. Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, yes, I’ve never been courted, it’s obvious, blah blah,” Merlin said, “and—I’m just wondering if it’s this…slow.”

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows, dropping his hand on the brunet’s. “Slow?”

“Yeah,” the Omega said, licking his bottom lip. “It’s just—it’s…”

“What?”

“It’s boring?” Merlin said, scratching the back of his neck. 

He winced when Arthur tightened his hand on Merlin’s hand. “Boring?”

“Yes,” Merlin said, trying to keep the slight fear of poking Arthur out of his voice.

Arthur pulled his hand away, searching his face before his frown deepened. “You find—this courtship boring?” 

He sounded a little offended and from the way his ocean-blue eyes turned a shade darker, and shoulders tensing, the brunet concluded that was the case.

Merlin wondered if he had poked his ego in a way. 

He knew Alphas hated their egos to be challenged, belittled. 

“Then,” Arthur said. “What did you expect a courtship to be?”

The brunet blinked at the question, tilting his head to the side a little as he thought about it. 

“I don’t know,” Merlin said. “Like I said, I never had experience being courted. I’m just wondering—”

“Why it’s boring you to death, I got it,” Arthur said, rolling his eyes. 

The brunet frowned this time, reaching to touch Arthur only to be rebuffed when the Alpha pushed himself to stand up. 

“Look,” Merlin said, offended himself now. “You told me to tell you what’s the problem, so I’m telling you.”

“I didn’t expect you to come out and say I’m shite at this!” Arthur exclaimed, looking at him as he waved his hands in the air. 

“I didn’t!” Merlin protested, his cheeks reddening. “I’m just confused if a courtship takes this long and slow.”

“Did you expect we would end up shagging immediately after three days, knotted and mated?” Arthur asked, though it was clear that Merlin had done great offence to him from the way his pitch lowered. 

“I said,” Merlin said, standing up himself to glare at Arthur. “I don’t know. Why not you tell me instead of going off on me like some barbarian?”

“Barbarian?” Arthur said, sounding taken aback. Then he laughed, humourlessly. “That’s great. First, I’m boring the Omega I’m courting and now I’m a barbarian.”

Merlin thinned his lips, unhappy with the way Arthur was behaving. 

“You’re childish,” Merlin snapped. “I asked a simple question. I didn’t even want to talk about this and you made me. Now, you’re getting angry!”

Arthur opened his mouth but Merlin shook his head, silencing him. 

“Either you sit your arse down and explain to me properly like I’m five or,” Merlin said before he jutted his chin towards the direction of the door. “You can leave if you’re going to scold me.”

Arthur’s face reddened and for a second he thought he saw a flash of guilt, shame—but those were completely wiped away when Arthur growled, shocking Merlin. 

“Don’t treat me like I’m one of your children in the kindergarten,” Arthur said. “Why not instead of me explaining it to you, you take some effort and go do some research, huh?”

Merlin was about to argue when Arthur turned around and stormed to the front door, shoving his feet into his shoes with such anger that Merlin was surprised the shoes didn’t go off flying. 

“Oh what,” Merlin said. “You’re going to run away? Like a prat?”

Arthur’s shoulders tensed and for a brief second, Merlin wondered if he had crossed more than a few lines before the Alpha opened the front door and got out of the flat, slamming it behind him loudly. 

Merlin stared at where Arthur had been, rubbing a hand down his face. He slumped down on the couch and stared at the remote control. 

Maybe it had been his fault for being indelicate about this situation. He knew how fragile an Alpha’s ego was but honestly, what was wrong explaining how a courtship worked to him?

It wasn’t like he wanted anything crazy.

He was just curious. 

He bit his bottom lip, glaring at his coffee table. 

Merlin wasn’t going to apologise. He was honest and if Arthur couldn’t accept the truth without storming off like some child, he wasn’t sure if this thing would even work out. 

He heart throbbed in his chest.

 

***

 

It had been two days since their fight and Arthur hadn’t called, texted or made an effort to see him. The brunet at first was a little irritated, upset but by the third day, he had let it alone. He wasn’t going to reach out to the Alpha just to soothe a bruised ego. 

If he had been a good man, Alpha, he would have explained to him what they were doing. 

Merlin huffed his breath, walking down the busy streets of the city. 

He had been restless all day at home today and before he knew it, he had found himself outside, looking to see if there had been anything he could do to replace this craving for Arthur’s scent. 

Merlin hated his instincts. 

He wondered if there would be a way to silence his Omega for good.

Bad mood worsening, he continued down his hunt, wondering if maybe getting coffee would help. He stopped walking, realising that he didn’t want to go into the usual cafe he went into. A part of him was consciously avoiding the spots that he usually visited in case he would spot the Alpha too. 

He didn’t want to see him right now. 

He sighed, turning to see which shop he had stopped in front of and found himself a little enthralled at how bright the shop was. It was colourful and from the windows, he could see aisles of things from trinkets to mugs and cute plates. 

Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, he gave into the need to find something cute, warm just to soothe this ache in his chest and walked inside. 

It was like the world understood how he needed to find a shop that could make him feel better just by touching wool clothing or cute decor. He used to be ashamed with this side of him when he had been living with his father. How it was disgraceful for a man to like things like soft clothing and pastel-coloured mugs or notepads—and for a while, he had been hiding this part of him until Gwaine forced him to touch a wool sweater he had bought one day from his trip from France. 

It had him realising that it was fine. It was alright to want to explore this side of him that wanted those things. Even if it was mostly because he was an Omega by nature—to want soft things and comfort and warmth. 

It was what made him develop this nurturing side of him for kids. 

For children of his own. 

Pushing those thoughts out of his mind, he walked into one aisle, looking at the selection of cute-patterned mugs until one caught his eyes. It was a pastel-pink coloured mug with a gold decorated pattern of pineapples. It made him want to smile. He pressed the back of his right hand against his mouth, taking hold of the mug.

He wondered if he should purchase this when he looked away from that shelf to look at other things. He took the mug with him anyway as he walked away, heading to the stationary aisle. He was always fond of such things. It made him happy to collect something. 

His attention fell on the pens, frowning a little when he realised that some of the pen-shelves were empty. He wondered what could have sold out so quickly. 

“If you’re looking for the Luna Pens,” a woman’s voice said, soft and a little amused from next to him. “It’s here with me.”

Merlin snapped his icy blue eyes to lock with vivid green ones. She was beautiful, stealing his breath away when she smiled, showing off her pearly white teeth. 

She had her hair tied up in a pony tail, her wavy locks swishing as she adjusted the box she was carrying. 

“Hi,” Merlin said, cheeks reddening as he dropped his eyes on the box she was holding. 

It was full of pens, majority of them being black pens with something like glass tubes encompassing the end of it filled with pretty glitter floating in clear liquid. 

“Hello,” the woman said, politely as she shook the box. “I believe you’re looking for these? These ones just came in an hour ago so I’m going to be restocking them now.”

“Oh, sorry,” Merlin said, taking a step away from the empty shelves. 

“No, it’s fine,” the woman said as she walked to where he was before placing the box on the floor near her feet. “Do you want one?”

The Omega shrugged. “I didn’t know they were called Luna Pens. I just saw this shelf was empty and wondered what types of pen were here.”

The woman nodded, brushing her bangs to one side. “These always sell out fast. Here.”

She bent down and grabbed one pen, handing it out to Merlin. 

The brunet took it, feeling the weight in his hands. He quickly figured it out that it was a twist pen. 

“Here, you can test the pen here,” the woman said, pointing to the notepad near where the pens were.

When Merlin tested it out, he quickly realised why it sold out quickly. The ink was smooth and it was rich. It made his writing look neater and the weight was perfect, not too light or too heavy. 

“I can see why people love these,” Merlin said to the woman who was looking at him with a grin. 

“Right,” she said. 

“Thanks,” Merlin said. 

“You’re welcome,” the woman said before she pointed to her name tag. “I’m Morgana.”

Merlin, strangely, didn’t feel awkward with this stranger. There was something about her, maybe it was the way she carried herself, but it made him feel that it was alright to talk to her. 

“I’m Merlin,” he said. 

“You like stationaries, Merlin?” Morgana asked as she went to grab a few pens from the box to start stocking the shelves up. 

Merlin nodded. “I like them, yeah.” 

“Me too,” Morgana said, tossing a smile at him. “My favourite line of stationaries are by this small business called Paperclip. I think they’re in the aisle behind you.”

That peaked Merlin’s interest. “What do they sell?”

“Everything you want,” Morgana said with a bright laugh. “I always look forward to their new releases. Recently, they released bullet journal books. I bought one for myself. It’s really beautiful.”

Merlin found himself wanting to check the books out now. His cheeks reddened a little as he looked at Morgana and then to the aisle behind him. 

“I’ll check them out,” he said. 

Morgana nodded, grinning. “Go on, then. I’m going to finish restocking these.”

Merlin thanked her and moved to the aisle, finding the stationaries immediately. Morgana was right. These stationaries were cute and the latest releases were definitely pretty. 

The Omega grabbed the one that interested him the most, a white covered book with flora designs on it, the year indented into the cover in gold. He flipped through the pages, taking note that they were in good quality. 

With that book in his hand, he found himself wondering if he needed sticky notes. It was his greed talking when he found himself picking those out. 

A sudden smell of coffee hit his nose. It was strong but also reminded him of his favourite cafe. It was no doubt a scent that belonged to an Alpha. He gasped a little when he turned around, spotting Morgana. 

“Woah, you like the sticky notes too?” she said, her green eyes brightening. “I have those too! They’re really great and their lines are always good quality.”

Merlin forced himself to relax when he realised he didn’t reply to her, causing the look on her face to dim, confusion worming into her face.

“Sorry, am I being a bother?” she asked. 

“No,” Merlin said. “Just, you’re an Alpha.”

Morgana blinked, taken aback. Then, a little warily, she said, “Yes. Are you uncomfortable with that?”

Merlin wasn’t uncomfortable, to be honest. It was weird but—he wasn’t intimidated by her. He shook his head. “Sorry,” he said, sheepish. “Just took me off guard with your scent.” Deciding not to linger on her secondary gender, he continued, “You really like stationaries, huh?”

Morgana’s face brightened again and she grinned. “I’m a stationary enthusiast, Merlin! I could probably blab about it to anyone who show even remote interest in them.”

Merlin found himself agreeing with her, smiling too. “Me too. No one understand why you would buy so much stationary but—”

“It’s extremely relaxing to do so and they’re cute,” Morgana said. 

“Exactly!”

The Alpha laughed and Merlin found himself chuckling along with her. 

“You should come around again,” Morgana said. “I think this Friday, we’re having a twenty to fifty percent off on everything, especially the stationaries. We’re also clearing up the old stocks. You could probably find even greater things.”

For the first time in his life since a long while, he found himself not intimidated by an Alpha. 

He didn’t know what about her that he wanted to try trusting but he agreed. 

“I’ll come by this Friday then,” Merlin said with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Morgana.”

Morgana smiled. “You too, Merlin.”

 

***

 

By the time he got home with his purchases in his hands, he didn’t expect his good mood for a bit to sour immediately when he spotted Arthur at his doorstep. 

The blond-haired man was in his suit, hands in his trousers’ pockets and looking at his shoes. Merlin sighed under his breath, walking past him to get to the door, unlocking it. When he allowed the Alpha inside, he head to the living room, dropping his bag on the sofa. 

He was about to walk to the kitchen when Arthur grabbed him by his elbow, halting him. Merlin was turned around and he pressed a hand against the strong chest, startled. 

“What are you doing?” Merlin said. 

Arthur thinned his lips before he sighed, letting the Omega go. He took a step back and took in a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said. 

The apology remained in the air for a few seconds until Merlin’s mind registered it. He took in a sharp breath, eyes wide as he looked at the Alpha. 

The ocean-blue eyes were staring right at him, not faltering. 

Arthur was _apologising_. 

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said. “I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have acted like a prat. I misconstructed what you said and got defensive.”

Merlin crossed his arms against his chest, suddenly feeling a little small in the Alpha’s eyes. Wary at what was happening—what _could_ happen. 

“I’m sorry, Merlin,” Arthur said. 

“You could have explained to me,” Merlin said, frowning a little when he felt a pang in his chest. “I didn’t want to admit it but you going off on me every time hurts me.”

Arthur winced. “This is my first time courting an Omega and—I…I’m just as lost as you are. All I heard was you saying I’m not a good Alpha and I flipped out.”

Merlin sighed. “I can’t do this if you keep flipping out on me. I get it. You’re not happy with me—with this. You don’t need to—”

Arthur took a step towards him and then wrapped an arm around his shoulder, dragging him close. Merlin dropped his hands to his side as his chin rested on the Alpha’s shoulder. 

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Arthur said, whispering in his ears. “I’m sorry, I’ll try harder.”

Merlin closed his eyes for a bit before he nodded, reaching to hug Arthur back. “Seriously, you need to calm down and think before saying anything.”

“Alright,” Arthur said and then there was silence. 

Merlin inhaled the scent of pine trees, his mood lightening up again before he pulled away from Arthur. He noted the Alpha’s cheeks were a little red and knew that he was in a similar state as well. 

“I’ll make it up to you,” Arthur said, looking at him. “I’ll take you out on a real date.”

Merlin’s pink face reddened completely at that. “A date?”

“Yes,” Arthur said, clearing his throat. “Tomorrow, if you’re free. Dinner.”

“A real date?” Merlin asked, cautiously. 

“Yes,” Arthur said, nodding. “In a restaurant. Let me—dote on you. Properly.”

His words sounded sincere. His eyes were telling the truth. 

And Merlin knew he could probably reject this, keep Arthur at an arm’s length. 

But he found himself wanting to experience this courting business if Arthur would put proper effort into it. 

“Fine,” Merlin said, nodding. 

He tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered when Arthur’s eyes brightened. 

“Great,” Arthur said, nodding. 

There was an awkward silence before Arthur pointed to the bag on the sofa. “Where did you go? I thought today was your day off?”

“Just because it’s my day off, doesn’t mean I don’t go anywhere, Arthur,” Merlin said, heading to the bag. “I went shopping for some stuff.”

Suddenly, he felt a little aware of the things inside this plastic bag. 

While he had been comfortable with this side of him, he wondered how the Alpha would take it. He scrunched the bag underneath his fingers, startling a little when Arthur pried it out from his fingers with gentle movements. 

“Wait!” Merlin said, but it was too late to stop Arthur when the Alpha opened the bag and took a look inside. 

The Omega froze, holding his breath when Arthur pulled out the mug he had liked. 

“Oh,” Arthur said. “This is cute.”

Merlin nodded, swallowing a lump that formed in his throat. “Yes. I—I like it.”

Arthur looked at him before he looked at the mug in his hand. “Yes,” he said, sounding cautious. “Merlin, you know that it’s fine, right? For you to like girly things?”

“It’s _not_ girly,” Merlin snapped grabbing the mug from his hands before he froze again, eyes wide. “I mean—”

Arthur placed the bag on the sofa before taking a step towards him, hands outstretched. “Merlin,” he said, voice soft. “Look at me.”

Merlin looked at him, holding the mug close to his chest. “I’ve always liked them. Cute things. Pastel-coloured things. Soft things. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Arthur smiled then, a genuine-looking one that made him look a few years younger. It made him look like he was a different person. The Alpha touched Merlin’s face, his palms warm and he radiated comfort, safety. Merlin relaxed, looking at him. 

“It’s normal,” Arthur said, firmly. “It’s fine to like things like that.”

“You don’t find this weird?” Merlin asked, hating how he found himself hoping.

Hoping for something. 

“No,” Arthur said with a snort. “I think it suits you even.”

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows. 

“But it _is_ fine,” Arthur said. “There’s nothing for you to feel cautious about with me.”

Merlin nodded and Arthur let him go, taking a step back. 

“Thanks,” Merlin said, under his breath. 

Arthur shrugged. “Where did you get them from?”

The brunet felt his heart swelling, wondering if Arthur was trying to take an interest in what he liked. “Why do you want to know?”

Arthur blinked. “I can’t know what my Omega likes?”

The sudden change of his demeanour from three days ago was like a whiplash. “You’re being kind of weird.”

“I told you I’m going to try harder, aren’t I?”

There it was—that snippy attitude. 

Merlin felt a little relieved to know that that part of the Alpha didn’t suddenly disappear. 

He smiled, shaking his head. “There was this shop called Blues and Ribbons. They sold quite a lot of stuff—cute stuff. And then there was this aisle for stationaries and I met this really nice girl who introduced me to some of her favourite stationaries. Morgana told me to come by on Friday because they’re having a clearance.”

Arthur raised his eyebrows. “This Friday?”

“Yes,” Merlin said, trying to contain his excitement. 

“Alright,” Arthur said. “I’ll go with you.”

Merlin closed his mouth shut, blinking. “What?”

“I’ll go with you,” Arthur said. “I want to see what this shop has too.”

“I doubt you’ll like what’s in there,” Merlin said, slowly. 

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to take you on another date, Merlin. Can you be anymore slower?”

“Oh.”

“Yes, so this Friday is our second date.”

“My, aren’t we going too fast now?” Merlin said, unable to hold back his cheeky quip. 

Arthur glared at him but for some reason, it was more playful—less intimidating. 

“Shut up, Merlin.”

The brunet found himself chuckling. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: lol. This took quite a while for me to update, huh? I'm sorry! I got too busy with my life, as per usual. I'll try updating as quick as I can, as much as quick is in my time haha. Anyways, here is the next chapter! It was fun to write this even though I felt like I lost my touch a little. Also, you guys must've noticed that I changed the number of chapters to expect again. It's because I feel like this plot should be explored a bit more and since I can't stop writing slow-burn even if my life depended on it, it's best I kept the number of chapters ambiguous until I could write the second last chapter haha. Thank you for the bookmarks, comments, kudos, subscriptions and reading! Either way, have fun and hope you guys like this! Let me know what you guys thought and until the next chapter~! - Krystal

 

The so called date was happening tonight. 

Merlin bit his thumb, his heart hammering against his chest. 

He was still reserved about Arthur. There were things that had happened that made Merlin unable to completely believe what he was saying. 

This was the man who had stormed off like a petulant child when Merlin asked him a simple question about the courtship. Sure, he probably had hurt his ego but this was his first time getting courted, he wasn’t expecting on getting yelled at. 

And yet, Arthur had come back to apologise and had told him things he didn’t think he would hear from anyone else, only in his dreams. 

He stared at the clothes he had laid on his bed, frowning. 

The brunet hadn’t made a move to call Gwaine, knowing the Beta would make a fuss if he ever told him what was about to happen tonight. He wanted, for once, make a decision on his own without consulting his closest friend. 

He touched his chest, feeling the blood rushing to his face as he recalled Arthur’s face. 

Taking a step towards the bed, he took a flannel button-up shirt before putting it down. 

He was lost. 

Merlin glanced at his phone which was on his bedside table, hesitating to reach it. 

If he could ask Arthur where he was taking him for dinner, maybe he would be able to get an idea on what to wear. 

Just as that thought appeared in his head, the door to his house was knocked. Startled, Merlin looked at the entrance of his bedroom, eyes wide. He, then, looked at what his wearing and he groaned under his breath. He couldn’t go open the door with his boxers on, so he went to his closet and rummaged out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, tossing it over his body. 

The door was knocked again, almost impatiently as Merlin moved out of his bedroom. 

He hurried to the front door and yanked it open, his breath got caught in his throat when he saw Arthur standing on the other side. 

“What are you doing here?” Merlin screeched, loudly, clamping his lips shut when Arthur took a step back, startled. 

“What—” Arthur said. “What the fuck, Merlin?”

The brunet blinked before he shook his head. “Come back later. I haven’t gotten dressed yet!” 

He was about to slam the door when Arthur pressed a palm against it, forcing himself inside. Merlin took a few steps back, frowning as Arthur closed the door, leaning against it. 

“Why are you here?” Merlin questioned, a whine almost escaping his lips. 

Arthur stared at him for a second with the most deadpanned look on his face before he sighed. 

“What?” Merlin questioned. 

“Just wanted to see you,” Arthur said, after a while. 

Merlin watched the man, letting that settle in his brain before he looked away, his heart rapidly beating against his chest. He didn’t know how to respond to that but his inner Omega was clearly happy with the confession, purring within him. 

Nodding once, Merlin looked away from him. “Okay but I still need to get dressed though. And our—the dinner isn’t for another two hours.”

“I’ll wait,” Arthur said with a shrug, his cheeks lightly pinked. 

The brunet’s throat dried at the thought of the Alpha waiting for him and suddenly, a need to be quick about his choice of clothes seized him. 

“Okay, I’ll go finish getting ready then,” Merlin said, walking away from Arthur to his bedroom, going back to staring at the clothes on his bed. 

Now, he was twice as nervous. No, triple as nervous! 

His cheeks flushed red as he glanced at the doorway of his room, knowing Arthur was lingering at the living room, a few feet away. He couldn’t deny that he was happy, excited, touched at the thought that the Alpha couldn’t wait for their—date. The brunet almost slapped his own face at the thought of acting like a goddamn teenage girl. But he couldn’t help it. 

Suddenly, all of this felt too much of a dream for it to be real. 

Arthur, the Alpha who proclaimed himself to be Merlin’s True Pair was courting him and taking him out on a date. 

A proper date. 

The same Alpha who had been engaged and ready to marry a Beta woman who he thought was the one for him. 

His heart throbbed in his chest once, a wash of guilt covering every inch of his body as he thought about what he had done. 

If he hadn’t pulled Arthur to him, if he only stopped his stupid selfishness and pushed him away, Arthur wouldn’t be out there right now waiting for him. He huffed a breath, the feeling of excitement dimmed down into an ember of anxiousness and regret. 

Merlin had never acted on impulse before Arthur, and the fact he took advantage that he knew the Alpha couldn’t resist him while he was in heat made him feel like a tool. 

Arthur had been happy without him before. 

No matter what Gwen had thought, she was still willing to marry Arthur before he barged into his life and ruined everything. 

He turned to sit on the edge of his bed, feet hooking on the frame as he pressed his forehead against his knees. 

For a few seconds, he let the silence settle over him. 

Was he doing the right thing?

He heard Arthur clearing his throat and the brunet lifted his head to look at him. The blond man was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed against his broad chest with his eyes narrowed. 

“Aren’t you getting ready?” he asked. 

Merlin tried to toss him a smile but it faltered the very second he looked into the blue eyes. He looked away to the floor before he nodded. He forced himself to stand up. 

“Merlin?” Arthur said. 

“Yeah, I’ll get ready,” Merlin said, looking at the clothes on the bed. “Just give me a moment. I haven’t really decided what to wear. I mean, I don’t even know where we’re going.”

“Just wear something comfortable,” Arthur said as he took a few steps into the room, standing next to Merlin. 

The brunet nodded. He was about to bend to pick the same button-up shirt he had picked before when he felt a hand on his lower back. Merlin froze for a second before he pulled away from the touch by taking a side step. His shoulders tensed, his heart racing against his chest.

“Merlin?” Arthur said. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Merlin said as he picked up the shirt again. 

“You don’t sound fine,” Arthur said, his voice low. 

Merlin looked at the shirt in his hands. “I’m fine, Arthur. Now, get out of the room so I can change.”

“I’ve already seen you naked once or twice,” Arthur said as he touched the shirt, prying it away from Merlin’s tight grip. “But that’s not the issue now, is it?”

Merlin sighed, turning to look at him. “Arthur.”

The blond haired man looked at him without saying anything. But Merlin could see the questioning gaze in those eyes. He winced, taking in a deep breath as he tried to figure out a way to phrase his sentence, his doubts—his insecurities. 

“I,” Merlin started before he stopped. He shook his head, unable to continue as his heart turned into lead, sinking to the bottom of his chest. 

A hand touched his shoulder, grasping it tight. The warmth settled onto his skin even through the clothes and Merlin relaxed a little. 

“Do you not want to go?” Arthur asked, his voice hushed. 

Merlin found that he was being looked at with caution, analysed. His heart skipped a beat and his eyes felt wet, chest tightening from the emotions that started to onslaught him. Arthur’s eyes widened before he pushed the brunet to sit on the bed, immediately taking a seat next to him. His hands touched Merlin’s cheeks, caressing his face with his thumbs. 

“Merlin?” Arthur said. “What the hell?”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, fingers reaching to grasp Arthur’s hands. 

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you apologising for?”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin repeated, his eyes searching the Alpha’s face. “I’m sorry…you’re stuck with me.”

Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s face, his eyes widening a fraction bigger before he frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I feel horrible,” Merlin said. “If I had just pushed you away instead of taking advantage of you using my heat, you wouldn’t be here. You would be happily married to Gwen and you wouldn’t have to rearrange your life to accommodate me.”

“Okay, you need to shut up before I get angry,” Arthur said, pulling his hands away from Merlin’s grasp. 

“Arthur—”

“Seriously,” Arthur said, his voice stern. “Shut up.”

Merlin thinned his lips, dropping his hands to the bedsheets. 

“Is that,” Arthur said, looking at him. “Is that what you’ve been thinking about since I started courting you? That I’m doing this out of—regret? Obligation?”

“Isn’t it?” Merlin said, dropping his gaze to the sheets. His fingers itched to pick at the loose strands of the comforter, anxiety curling at the pit of his stomach along with a wash of sadness. “You made it clear you didn’t want me multiple times.”

“That was then!” Arthur exclaimed, startling Merlin. “That was then. This is now.”

“And what about now?” Merlin asked. “You can’t deny if I hadn’t forced you to stay to take care of me, you would have been happily married to Gwen by now.”

Arthur didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Merlin’s heart cracked and splinters found itself embedded into his chest. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath to compose the wayward emotions that threatened to reign him tight until he broke down. 

It hurt, he admitted it. 

It was stupid of him to even consider a relationship with Arthur when they weren’t meant to be together—regardless if they were a True Match or not. Because Arthur’s heart was set on someone else way before he walked into the picture and if Merlin hadn’t been clouded by his stupidity for one-second, he could have run the other direction the second he met Arthur. 

“Merlin,” Arthur said with a sigh. “Merlin, look at me.”

Merlin felt hands on his face, forcibly tilting his chin upwards. He opened his eyes, looking into the calm blue ones staring right at him. 

“Right now,” Arthur said. “No matter what had happened in the past, right now, I’m here with you. I’m courting you. I want to do this with you.”

“But—”

“Listen,” Arthur said, cutting him off. “I want you. Not anyone else right now. What happened during your heat, it was just as much my fault. I could have pushed you away and ran out of the house too. But I didn’t. And for that, I’m saying, I decided to stay. That isn’t on you.”

Arthur’s face was open, emotions of regret and shame was playing lead role in his eyes. They were sincere, and Merlin found his heart aching at them. 

“And for all the things I’ve yelled, cursed and spat at you,” Arthur said. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Merlin. I’m sorry for making you feel unwanted. For all the times I kept emphasising that I didn’t want you, I’m sorry. I was mad at my own circumstances, mad at how things didn’t turn out as planned but you weren’t at fault. I’m _sorry_.”

Merlin didn’t have time to reply when Arthur pulled him into a hug. He pressed a hand at the back of the brunet’s head, fingers burying into the strands while the other hand touched his back. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s chest and placed his face on his shoulder, inhaling the scent he came to love, feel comforted in. 

“You really mean it?” Merlin whispered against him. “Mean it that this is what you want now?”

“I do,” Arthur said, holding him tighter. “I understand…why you might be doubting me. But I’m taking this seriously now. And I hope it shows.”

Merlin didn’t reply to that as he let it sink into his mind. 

“Okay,” Arthur said. “Do you still want to go out on our date?”

Truthfully, the brunet didn’t mean to rain on their parade now. He didn't think the surge of emotions, guilt and remorse would come now. He took in a deep breath, pulling away to look at the Alpha. He leaned into the touch when Arthur touched his face with one hand, caressing his skin with a questioning look on his face. His facial expression was soft, a look that Merlin found he liked. 

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “I still want to go on that date. Sorry for the mess of my emotions.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur whispered. “Don’t…Don’t be afraid to let me know if you have any more insecurities, alright? I know I haven’t done anything to ease them but I’ll start now.”

Merlin nodded, biting his bottom lip as his eyes felt wet. He placed a hand on Arthur’s, grasping at his fingers that were on his face. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

Arthur smiled, then. “Come on, let’s figure out what you can wear. It looked like your closet threw up.”

Merlin chuckled, pulling away from Arthur completely before he looked at the clothes. He scratched the back of his neck, his cheeks reddening as a sheepish smile crawled on his lips. He cleared his throat and shrugged. 

“I was nervous,” Merlin said. 

Arthur snorted, nodding. “I can see that.”

Merlin stood up from the bed to once again grab the shirt that he had been eyeing on since the start. “Would this be okay?”

“Yeah,” Arthur said. “We’re not going anywhere too fancy.”

“Too fancy?” Merlin said, looking at him. “What do you mean _too_ fancy?”

“I mean,” Arthur said, rolling his eyes even though there was an amused smile on his face. 

Merlin’s heart warmed at that. 

“I mean it’s still going to have class, Merlin,” Arthur retorted. “I’m not a caveman. It just won’t be extravagant.”

Merlin didn’t even want to snark back at that. Arthur stood up and grabbed Merlin’s wrist when the brunet was about to pick up a pair of black jeans lying next to the bed on the floor. The Omega looked at him, searching his face before he smiled, a genuine one. 

The Alpha pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him again. Merlin immediately hugged him back, burying his nose against his neck. 

“Let me know if you ever feel like you’re doubting me, okay?” Arthur whispered against him. “I want to know from now on if you’re insecure. I want to help you ease them.”

Merlin nodded, relaxing in the warmth and the promise of safety.

 

***

 

The Omega held back a gasp at the restaurant in front of him. Panic suddenly wormed into his chest and held a tight grip on his chest. He snapped his head to look at the Alpha who was standing next to him, hand reaching to touch the handle of the door. He immediately grabbed Arthur’s wrist, halting him. The blond looked at him, a frown crossing his lips when he looked at Merlin, eyebrows raising in question. 

“You didn’t tell me this place was meant for the Dukes and Duchess, Arthur,” Merlin hissed as he took a step closer to the taller man. 

Arthur searched his face before he rolled his eyes, a hand raising to circle Merlin’s and pulling it away from his wrist that was being held captive. Arthur turned his body a little to focus his attention on him, his fingers rearranging to caress the Omega’s hand. 

“It’s not that fancy,” Arthur said. “It’ll be fine. Come on.”

“It looks like a place that’ll cost me a kidney and more!” Merlin exclaimed, eyes wide. 

Nervousness fluttered in his stomach as he shot a look at the windows of the restaurant, noting that there was a bloody chandelier hanging in the middle of the place, and a glass sculpture of something—weird—at one corner next to a—was that a chocolate fountain? 

“Come on,” Arthur said, grasping his hand and pulling him through the door, not even waiting for Merlin to be done with his sputter of words. 

The said words died in his throat the second he stepped into the place, feeling completely out of place. Darting his eyes from the white plant pots making a makeshift fence between the entrance and the dining area to his left to the gold and white podium in front of him where a man wearing a suit greeted them with a smile, he was sure he would have been out of that door the second Arthur let go of his hand. 

Which Arthur wasn’t doing, instead he tightened his grip. 

The Omega hunched his shoulders to his chest, taking a step closer to Arthur as he waited for the Alpha and the waiter to finish exchanging words. They were soon brought to a table towards the end of the restaurant, partially secluded from the prying eyes and most of the white noises made by conversations. He sat down, thanking the waiter that was in charge of their table before he was handed a menu, cover seemed to be made out of velvet. 

Was this what Arthur meant it wasn’t too classy?

How was this anything but too classy?

He darted his eyes on the plaid shirt he wore and then at the people around him, noting that they were wearing dresses and suits, button-up shirts and vests. He looked at Arthur who was now looking at the menu in his hands, not lifting his gaze to meet his stare. Frowning, Merlin aimed a kick at Arthur’s shin, brightening a little when the Alpha dropped the menu on the table, yelping. 

He bared his teeth as he looked at Merlin, bending forward no doubt to rub his aching shin. 

That thought made Merlin feel better. 

“What was that for?” Arthur said, eyebrows furrowed. 

Merlin leaned forward as well, pressing the tips of his fingers on the edges of the table to keep himself in check. “Arthur, I’m not dressed properly for this place!”

Arthur sighed, straightening. “Merlin, you’re fine.”

“Fine?” Merlin said, waving a hand around him. “I feel like I’m eating with the bloody King-to-be or something!”

Arthur’s lip twitched upwards for a moment, his blue eyes filled with mirth. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Close enough.”

“What?” Merlin said, frowning. “This isn’t funny!”

“Oh for the love of,” Arthur said. “Look, I’m paying tonight. You’re covered. Just get whatever you want.”

Merlin blinked at him, trying to figure out just how rich Arthur was. He knew the blond-haired man was a wealthy man, he had to be with the way he carried himself, the way he dressed himself and the car he drove. Not to mention, he was friends with Percival and he knew, first hand, that Gwaine had mentioned Percival’s family owned a big company. 

But Arthur was a lawyer. 

Did lawyers make this much money?

He dropped his eyes to the menu, opening it, eyes widening when he spotted the prices. He slammed the menu shut. 

“I’m not going to let you spend this much money on me,” Merlin said, shaking his head. “Five pounds for a glass of water? Are you serious? What is it made out of? Gold?”

“Merlin, just let me do this for you, alright?” Arthur said. 

“I don’t want to be here,” Merlin said. “I can’t—”

Arthur touched his hand, stopping the Omega from rambling in nervousness. The brunet took in a deep breath, letting the Alpha hold his fingers. 

“Don’t worry,” he said, his voice soft. “Let me take care of you tonight, alright?”

Merlin found his inner Omega humming in delight at that. Their Alpha was adamant on taking care of them, to treat them like how they were meant to be treated. Maybe it was because Merlin had suppressed this side of him for too long but he found himself relaxing under that promise. He dropped his gaze on their hands, his cheeks warming. His heart raced in his chest and while it usually meant he was fidgeting, this time he felt calm. 

“Are you sure?” Merlin said. 

Arthur squeezed his hand. “Of course. I promise, we’re fine. Do you want me to order for you, hm?”

Merlin wanted to retort that he could order for himself just fine but he had a feeling he shouldn’t even touch the menu if he wanted to get through this dinner without fleeing. He looked at Arthur before he grabbed his menu and handed it to Arthur. He smiled a little when Arthur grinned, his blue eyes warm. He took it from Merlin’s hand and placed it next to him. 

“Thank you,” he said. “You’ll love the food here, Merlin.”

He didn’t doubt Arthur but he wasn’t completely sold on this restaurant. He could only nod. 

Arthur pulled his hand away and went back to look at the menu. 

After the Alpha had ordered for him, silence settled in between them. Merlin didn’t mind it as he took in the rest of the place, noting how every waiter and waitress looked pristine and neat, walking with precise steps and elegance. It was definitely a place that yelled sophistication, something which Merlin knew he didn’t have. 

“Do you come here often?” Merlin asked, unable to hide his curiosity. 

Arthur shrugged. “Once in a while. With…Father.”

“Oh,” Merlin said. 

“We’ll pick where you like next time,” Arthur said. 

Merlin snapped his gaze at him, noting that Arthur’s shoulders were tensed. He noted that the blue eyes were a shade darker, and a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. Merlin smiled, hoping to ease Arthur’s discomfort. His inner Omega hissed at him for making the Alpha upset. 

Merlin graciously told his Omega to shut the hell up. 

He started to see how much Arthur wanted this date to go well. And he was glad that the Alpha wanted this like he said he did. It wasn’t like he didn’t believe what Arthur said a couple of hours ago, but there were still reservations. 

Cautiousness. 

“Arthur, it’s fine,” Merlin said. “I still don’t think I fit in here. But only because I don’t frequent places like these.”

“But the last thing I wanted you to feel is uncomfortable,” Arthur said with a sigh. 

“I know, but I’m doing fine now,” Merlin said. “You’re here with me. I’ll be fine as long as you’re here.”

Arthur looked at him in the eyes, sharp. Merlin made sure he met his gaze, not faltering even when Arthur narrowed them. After a moment, the Alpha nodded, his shoulders relaxing and a smile graced his lips. It was a warm smile, a smile that stole Merlin’s breath away. It was the kind of smile that he didn’t think he would get to have when he realised the Alpha possessed it. 

“Alright,” Arthur said. 

Merlin felt his inner Omega settle down at the fact that he had appeased and calmed the man in front of him. It made him feel tingly right to his toes and a burst of warmth in his chest made him wanna smile wide. He, then, tilted his head a little as he thought how to phrase his curiosity into a proper question. 

“Arthur,” Merlin said. “Just how rich are you?”

Arthur froze, for a split second but Merlin caught it. “Rich? As rich as the next person.”

“You said you frequent here with your father,” Merlin said, humming as he leaned forward until his chest touched the edge of the clothed table. “And you’re friends with Percival. I’m assuming you’re some kind of elite rich man?”

Arthur snorted, chuckling a second later. “I wish. I’m just a lawyer, Merlin. Like how you’re just a kindergarten teacher.” 

Merlin opened his mouth to ask more about his job when Arthur continued, not allowing him to question him. 

“How’s your job so far?” Arthur said. “You mentioned you loved working with kids?”

Merlin wasn’t fooled with the change of topic, but then again Arthur was probably telling the truth when he said he was just an ordinary man. He saved that subject for another day, not wanting to pry here out of all places. Instead, he let his children, the ones he taught, the joy of his every day life and job, occupy his thoughts. 

“Yes,” Merlin said. “I think every child has potential to become something great. And I like to think I can help plant that seed in their heads before anything else gets in the way.”

“Inspiring,” Arthur said. “But surely some must test you? Wish you never became a teacher? Question your choices?”

“There are,” Merlin conceded. “There are times I wonder why I chose this profession. But those only happen on the worst days and even then, when the clock chimes and the parents come to pick their children up and I’m left with an empty classroom, I’m reminded how precious they are. How each of them are new to this world, and it’s my job to make sure, at the very least, they’re aware of how to navigate this world in the most basic ways.”

Arthur nodded. “You treasure them a lot.”

“Every single one of them,” Merlin said, smiling as his cheeks warmed. 

There was an aching loneliness in his chest as he thought of himself, and how he wished he could trade places with one of the parents. To have the chance to have a child of his own and to teach them the ways of the world. To help them become the best person they could become. 

He wished he had a child of his own that he could conceive without the fear of complications to love. Hell, even if there was any complications, as long as he could hold his child for even mere five-seconds, he would do it. 

For the umpteenth time since he found a way in his life as an adult, he couldn’t help but to wish he wasn’t that unlucky Omega to be in this circumstance. 

“Merlin,” Arthur said, jolting him out of his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

Merlin cleared his throat, smiling. “Sorry, got caught in my thoughts. I’m fine.”

Arthur searched his face. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Merlin said. “I’m just reminded of my reality. Why I treasure my time with these children.”

He knew that Arthur understood what he was referring to when his eyes darkened a shade or two. Arthur thinned his lips but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t expecting for the Alpha to say anything, either. He knew where Arthur stood about children and it wasn’t the right time, neither the right topic to bring up on their proper first date. 

So, he let it go when their food arrived. 

The awkwardness and the slight tenseness in the air broke when Merlin found the spaghetti that Arthur ordered for him tasted excellent. His eyes widened as he placed a hand on his mouth. 

“Arthur, this is delicious!” 

Arthur looked smug with a grin on his face. “I told you.”

Dinner went by quickly after that, one empty conversation to the next filled with smiles and laughter. Merlin felt like he could walk on air by the time their date was coming to a close end as he sat in Arthur’s car, parked outside of his apartment complex. They were sitting in the vehicles for a few minutes, not making a move to leave. Merlin was smiling when he looked at Arthur, reaching to touch his hand that was on his lap. 

“Thanks, Arthur,” he said. “It was fun today.”

Arthur smiled, the same soft smile that he seemed to be gracing Merlin a lot today. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, fingers grazing the fringe on his forehead. The brunet leaned into the touch, closing his eyes for a second as he felt the warm hand cup his jaw. 

His eyes snapped open when he felt a pair of lips pressed against his. It was only for a second before Arthur pulled away, his eyes shimmering in something that made Merlin’s heart skip a beat. 

“Go on,” Arthur said. “You have work tomorrow. You should go and get some sleep.”

Arthur touched his hand, caressing the fingers. Merlin’s cheeks reddened and half of him wanted to invite Arthur to stay with him. They didn’t have to do anything, just sleep beside each other. He craved that but he also knew that he couldn’t rush this, even if they were doing the steps wrongly. 

“Alright,” he said, his voice hushed. “I’ll see you?”

“Yeah,” Arthur said. “Call me tomorrow before you leave for work.”

“Sure,” Merlin said. 

With one last lingering look, Merlin took his hand away and got out of the car. Arthur waved at him when Merlin raised a hand to let him know he was leaving now. He couldn’t contain the smile that crawled on his lips as he entered the complex, heading to the elevator. He leaned against the cool walls, touching his chest. 

He felt happy.

It had been a while since he felt this important, cared for. 

He hoped it would continue on. 


End file.
